not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
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not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
I told my dad about my idea that perhaps I could move in with him and pursue an engineering degree next year in an email, and he finally replied, but I haven't opened it yet. If he isn't supportive of the idea I'm determined to change his mind, even if I have to twist his arm to get him to agree. But I have a lot on my plate right now and it would really stress me out to no end if I felt rejected by his initial response.
**triggers EA**
I've felt rejected by him before because he left when I was five and fought child support. Worse, when my mother was abusing me and I begged him to rescue me he pretended that he wanted to for a long time, and then one day told me he wanted me to stop talking about it. I don't idealize him now, I think he's really selfish and full of **** but I find him less triggering than my mother and I think it would be good for me to move into his basement. I'd have a lot of personal space there and when I contacted the engineering program at the school there they were quick to encourage me to submit my resume for consideration for an assistanceship. Now that I have my hopes up I'm unwilling to face the risk of disappointment just yet.
**triggers EA**
I've felt rejected by him before because he left when I was five and fought child support. Worse, when my mother was abusing me and I begged him to rescue me he pretended that he wanted to for a long time, and then one day told me he wanted me to stop talking about it. I don't idealize him now, I think he's really selfish and full of **** but I find him less triggering than my mother and I think it would be good for me to move into his basement. I'd have a lot of personal space there and when I contacted the engineering program at the school there they were quick to encourage me to submit my resume for consideration for an assistanceship. Now that I have my hopes up I'm unwilling to face the risk of disappointment just yet.
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Barsine~
I am keeping my fingers crossed that he will have sent you a positive response.
Either way, it's not the end of the road. Either way, consider it an opportunity to take another step ... either to start planning your move or to start persuading him why this is such a great idea.
Sending you extra strength to combine with your own when you open the email.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that he will have sent you a positive response.
Either way, it's not the end of the road. Either way, consider it an opportunity to take another step ... either to start planning your move or to start persuading him why this is such a great idea.
Sending you extra strength to combine with your own when you open the email.
~ learning
The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. ~Antisthenes
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. ~Willa Cather
(learning to thrive since March 2007, 2248 previous posts)
The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. ~Antisthenes
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. ~Willa Cather
(learning to thrive since March 2007, 2248 previous posts)
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Hello Barsine
It's good to see you - keeping my fingers crossed too that things work out the way you are hoping.
It's good to see you - keeping my fingers crossed too that things work out the way you are hoping.
You are important
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Barsine~
I got a spam email this morning from a name that looked like one of my foo's names, which gave me a jolt and also reminded me of you and that email sitting in your inbox.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, fingers and toes still crossed.
I got a spam email this morning from a name that looked like one of my foo's names, which gave me a jolt and also reminded me of you and that email sitting in your inbox.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, fingers and toes still crossed.
~ learning
The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. ~Antisthenes
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. ~Willa Cather
(learning to thrive since March 2007, 2248 previous posts)
The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. ~Antisthenes
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. ~Willa Cather
(learning to thrive since March 2007, 2248 previous posts)
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Hi Barsine,
I really hope the email from your father brings you the positive reply you are hoping for.
I hope things settle down a bit for you soon, so you have the courage and strength to read through his message.
And for me the knowing (whatever the outcome) is always more bearable than the anxiety and the doubt of the not-knowing. Because when I know what I'm facing whether good or bad, at least I can act upon it.
Sending you lots of strength and courage,Barsine. And also keeping fingers crossed for you.
pith
I really hope the email from your father brings you the positive reply you are hoping for.
I hope things settle down a bit for you soon, so you have the courage and strength to read through his message.
²Learning wrote:Either way, it's not the end of the road. Either way, consider it an opportunity to take another step ... either to start planning your move or to start persuading him why this is such a great idea.
And for me the knowing (whatever the outcome) is always more bearable than the anxiety and the doubt of the not-knowing. Because when I know what I'm facing whether good or bad, at least I can act upon it.
Sending you lots of strength and courage,Barsine. And also keeping fingers crossed for you.
pith
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Thanks everbody, your encouragement means a lot. I haven't opened it yet but my anxiety level is dwindling and I don't think I'll put it off much longer. I don't know why but I find procrastination helpful, I think perhaps because I'm very slow to process feelings and intuitions and if I let my sense of a social situation or risk gel before I take action, I am better braced for whatever outcome, good or bad. If I just take life as it comes surprises for better or worse are liable to send me into a state of mild dissociation and my performance suffers. If I make myself wait until I'm ready to handle a complex situation, wait until I've firmed up my perspective and chosen my footing well, then I don't dissociate when the axe falls.
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Makes a lot of sense what you say, Barsine.
Whenever you feel it's safe and you're ready for it, that's the moment, no sooner.
pith
Whenever you feel it's safe and you're ready for it, that's the moment, no sooner.
pith
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Yes, open it whenever you are ready. Whatever, he says, you always have choices.
And of course we are here for you too.
And of course we are here for you too.
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Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
OK I opened it and he seems open to my idea. He said something very nice to me, a personal compliment that shows he sees my strengths and believes in me. He wants me to come visit this weekend, which I'm not up for, but I promised to visit in November and then I can check out the engineering program I'm interested in. So everything worked out so far. Next challenge is to tell him I think I'm autistic. I found a battery of clinician-researcher developed tests for adults on the internet, and I score consistently like someone with mild or high-functioning autism, so I'm sure he'll believe me. I want to write a long email explaining it though, so he can see drawing this conclusion as a process rather than a sudden change. I've been thinking about it off and on for years but only recently realized how much it explains about my life, and how strongly I fit the description. It's harder to see when you're female because you're socialized differently and you learn to fit in better than males with autism do.
Re: not ready to open email yet **triggers EA**
Barsine,
I'm glad you were able to open it and that you found good news inside.
I guess I was wondering why you need to wait until November to see him. If you visited him sooner, you could check into the engineering program to make sure it really does make sense, and you could also discuss the autism issue face to face.
I suppose it's the part of me that wants so much to see you get free of your mother that makes me want you to get the ball rolling on the move. You are far more patient than I am. I think I would be running out the door asap to get things on the right track.
Smiling for you that he is being so respectful and positive about your email.
I'm glad you were able to open it and that you found good news inside.
I guess I was wondering why you need to wait until November to see him. If you visited him sooner, you could check into the engineering program to make sure it really does make sense, and you could also discuss the autism issue face to face.
I suppose it's the part of me that wants so much to see you get free of your mother that makes me want you to get the ball rolling on the move. You are far more patient than I am. I think I would be running out the door asap to get things on the right track.
Smiling for you that he is being so respectful and positive about your email.