Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.

Moderators: quixote, Harmony, Jonesy

Post Reply
johnram
Member
Posts: 264
Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:37 am

Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

Post by johnram » Mon May 20, 2019 10:22 am

Warning - So this post is going to be about sexual abuse but slightly different as its not physical abuse. Also its about my own addiction with pornogaphy. I wanted to put porngraphy in the title, but given possiblity of triggering i didnt (mods - maybe advise for future reference please?).


So, my father manipulated me in all sorts of ways, which i have expressed in other posts. What i dont mention and i should is, he exposed me to pornography from an early age (11 years old or so). In that he made it available for me, and also passively encouraged me to watch his evolving collection, as he had a small side business in distribution (to be clear, he didnt join in, wasnt around when i watched etc - i watched it solo). His brother (my uncle) even discussed with me at the age of 14 onwards, which ones i would recommend as good. I was also involved with distributing the material and met many seedy men.

so this impacted me in many many ways in terms of relationships, in terms of sexual needs at a young age, also shame. I have gotten over some of that stuff, but what i continue to struggle with, over 20 years on now is not watching the damn stuff, the internet has made it easier etc. i have slowed down my usage as its been part of my coping mechanism, and i have stopped other addictions (physical and behavioural) but this remains, and it angers me as it was given by my father and i had no say in the matter, it become a place to distract and move away from the pain, it gave me a false sense of relating, and led me to spend a period of my life seeking out those activities and landing in bad relationships (thats stopped).

given the shame associated with this topic for me, and for men in general, i felt a strong need to at least say this much, as its a different form of taboo, but i am aware from going to groups, a lot of men quietly suffer with this addiction. Having a female therapist for many years actually didnt help, as i held back more.

still pushing to get past it, know i can, as have stopped other addictions, but this one has been deep.
Last edited by Serenity on Tue May 21, 2019 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed ST to MT, as some triggering detail included

reisha
Member
Posts: 1915
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

Post by reisha » Mon May 20, 2019 11:01 am

Hi

Wasna able to read entire post, but wanna suggest that 'addiction' be defined as 'the continuing AND INCREASING use of a substance or behavior, DESPITE the continuing AND INCREASING negative consequences'
Congrad yerself on connectin yer dots, knowin this about yerself.
So, yer on the spectrum. ( i view many dis-eases as spectrum disorders)

Sendin ya support
Last edited by Harmony on Mon May 20, 2019 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to no triggering content nor language

coconuts
Member
Posts: 1062
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

Post by coconuts » Mon May 20, 2019 11:25 am

Pornography is an addiction that many people have and don't realize. Because it is often excused and even encouraged for teenage boys especially.

However in my opinion it is also a sickness in our society. This is completely my opinion. But it corrodes young people's ideas of what relationships should look like. It creates a harsh environment for sexual relationships among the young and portrays sexual relationships in a completely sensual way, taking away all emotional connection aspect from it.

I teach my own children to avoid it. In my opinion it does nothing good.and personally it is very hard for me. Within my own story of SA and trafficking I was made to perform for such films and photos. It made have looked like I was even enjoying it in those films. But I was a victim. If I had continued in that life style I might have even sought out being in them after a while. Still it would have been a result of me being sexually abused as a child. I know in my own story there were other girls and boys and men and women involved who were there because of the system we were in. I have also met a couple other people on this board who were in similar systems.

Because of my own story and my tendency to project that idea I can ot think about it see porn without feeling like I am looking at victims. Even if they are actively pursuing that lifestyle I still see them as victims. That is me and my projection of my own story.

Recognizing it as an addiction is a good first step. Many people fail to recognize that it is addicting. It sounds like you are doing a lot to tackle this problem. Have you looked at any support systems for this? I know some people who have joined addiction recovery classes for this. The same process applies.
Last edited by Harmony on Mon May 20, 2019 10:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to no triggering content nor language

johnram
Member
Posts: 264
Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:37 am

Re: Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

Post by johnram » Mon May 20, 2019 3:54 pm

coconuts wrote:
Mon May 20, 2019 11:25 am
Because of my own story and my tendency to project that idea I can ot think about it see porn without feeling like I am looking at victims. Even if they are actively pursuing that lifestyle I still see them as victims. That is me and my projection of my own story.
thank you coconuts for sharing
i agree with you on the statement of the people performing are victims, its something i have thought and learnt about also

it is a sickness that needs fixed, it changes biology (people dont really understand or know this), it does all sorts of harmful things and puts ideas into young boys heads, that are harmful on so many levels

Glad you are teaching your children better

regarding my support systems - i have tried various meetings, but the tone and nature of them dont encourage me, i am actively discussing it within therapy, have discussed it with my wife, but i am guilty of being a bit too passive about those chats as they are very hard / complex to explain, i do have them though, but i also discuss it with my brother who has a similar fate, and that helps, we are encouraging one another to quit.

however it felt important to post this, as i imagine many men on this site will be using.
Last edited by Serenity on Tue May 21, 2019 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Edited quote as per guidelines

johnram
Member
Posts: 264
Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:37 am

Re: Addiction / Abuse (unsure how to title)

Post by johnram » Wed May 22, 2019 11:17 am

Keen on others thoughts as well

thank you

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest