Too Much To Handle

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
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Moderators: quixote, Harmony, Jonesy

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blueberrymufdin
Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2019 4:28 pm

Too Much To Handle

Post by blueberrymufdin » Thu Mar 07, 2019 7:17 am

Hi everyone,

This year I devoted my time to treatment for my sexual abuse. I was molested by my aunt, grandmother, older half brother and neighbor. Sometimes I feel like there’s more people and that I’m just too beaten into the ground to remember. The domestic violence growing up also clouds my mind, makes me block everything out until it’s just white noise in my head and black over my eyes. It took me a long time to realize that these things that happened to me are abuse and not just a normal part of growing up, even though lots of people go through it. But now I understand why I’ve had such a rough adolecense, why I’ve been so manically depressed and why I hate surprises and messes.

The treatment is helping, but sometimes, as you all know, I just get triggered and can’t help it. I lose myself. I know how to bring myself back and I’m feeling more confident now, but sometimes it’s like I just become 7 years old again and i couldn’t be more mad at the world and sad at myself. Incest and child molestation are literally some of the worst things to exist in this life. I would never think it could happen to me. For so much of my life I didn’t think it happened to me.

Sometimes I get triggered by things I would never expect. The glance of a stranger, coldness of a loved one or even just when someone doesn’t see me in front of them at line. Does anyone else experience this? I thought I was only supposed to get triggered by stuff like R Kelly or porn, but in reality it’s the little moments that I can’t describe why that trigger me the most.

Hope this helps and that I can connect with some souls who’ve had similar experiences. I’ve never met someone who’s out about their childhood sexual abuse or incest. It’s taken me a while but I’m ready to share myself again with the world.

💕 Blueberrymufdin
Last edited by Jonesy on Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed ST to NT, as no triggering content

Booklover
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Posts: 1316
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2019 12:55 am

Re: Too Much To Handle

Post by Booklover » Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:36 am

Hi blueberrymufdin

I am triggered by all sorts of things sf favourite chocolate and drink, someone with same hair or bread a smell sometimes I don’t even know as what it is and it can change depending on how well I am both mentally and physically the more I’m struggling the more that will trigger me. So when I’m doing really well I have learnt to cope with his favourite drink as is hard to avoid as it is the brand of a type of common soft drink
Booklover

I will become a survivor not a victim

Gentle (((((hugs))))) 🤗if ok

Jonesy
Director
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Posts: 11917
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: Too Much To Handle

Post by Jonesy » Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:48 am

Hi blueberrymufdin

A warm welcome to isurvive. May you soon feel at home and find the support you deserve.
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org

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