Trust

[Booklover]

Ok understandably and like most of us I have always struggled with trust but thought I was getting better.

But all day I have been stressing about what information and who has access to it my church’s pastoral support has on me. I contacted them and they explained that any letters and disclosures are kept in a locked filing cabinet that only the pastoral minister has the key to and that only she and the pastor ever see it and she sent me their confidentiality policy and so I know in theory it’s safe and they only keep what they need to and I do know this as they have been supporting me on and off for last 10yrs with my EUPD and SH so why am I still really worried and scared that someone who shouldn’t will get access. I was told all this back then and there has been no problems so why am I still so worried and not able to trust my information is safe.
I told her that she had made me feel better explaining it to me again and she took the time to explain not just send me the policy which is very wordy and focusing on the areas I’m most worried about that I couldn’t tell her I’m still worried. She has shown me over and over I can trust her and I did a little so why not anymore why am I so worried about it all.

Not even sure who they would tell but I’m still scared about it.

[Harbor]

Hi Booklover

What you are feeling is very common after telling someone about abuse. You have been given so many messages about the danger of telling that naturally your bells are ringing. Pretty much everyone here feels or has felt something like what you are experiencing. It's totally understandable.

My partner got so tired of feeling that way that they chose to tell select friends and family, eliminating the worry that they might find out. It was a bold move that mostly worked out. The people that were supportive stuck around, and others who weren't let themselves be known. We don't associate with them anymore. No real loss, in hindsight.

[Booklover]

Thanks Harbor
That’s the strange thing I shared about the abuse (well some) to her years ago and the things we walk about now are my coping strategies and how I have fallen back on all my old ones as DBT not working right now. So I’m SH and not eating again. I even shared about binging and purging only told one other person that my DBT t and that was an accident it just popped out. The lady at the church is a psychologist (let’s call her K)and use to work for an eating disorder charity before she became pastoral minister at our church. This time it’s not K I’m meeting with but I’ve been given a befriender (let’s call her A) to talk to or just meet for coffee when I need so I don’t have to get use to new people and as K knows trust is not a strong thing for me. I also know that what I talk about with my A is shared with K but although I used to trust K to keep it all safe now I’m really scared who she’s going to tell. K has done nothing to make me loss my trust in her so why now and do I tell her that although everything she told me about how the keep my information safe makes sense and I’m happy about it I’m still worried who’s going to find out.

What if she’s in the filing cabinet and gets called away in an emergency and doesn’t shut it and someone looks?
What if K & A are talking about me and someone walks in?
What if they are talking to the pastor and someone walks in?
The pastor and A are good friends with my ex (it use to be his church, I joined when we got married but he has since left) what if the share that I’m harming again?

Why is it that now I have gone so far back with my trust issues after working so hard on them. Should I tell K that even though what the do and what she said makes sense I’m still really worried about it or just ignore it I don’t want to upset or annoy her

[Booklover]

Still not sure what to do and who to trust. Had someone say why not ask for the information back but don’t even know what they have other than drs details and a letter I sent her saying I was struggling again. Oh I’m so confused finding each day harder and harder to go out and spend most of the time in my bedroom other than when need to do something for kids. I’m just so scared all the time.