isurvive.org

Hello everyone.

Thank you for this forum, I hope it will be helpful, and I hope I can be of help to others.
I am both a victim, and an offender as some of you will probably gather from the letter I posted in the writings section.

This is the only online account where my username does not have any part of my real name in it, but it was chosen to represent my core at this time.

Hi SpiritTornApart

A warm welcome to isurvive

Hi SpiritTornApart

You are welcome here. You are a survivor. Whether or not you are also an offender is up to your own interpretation. My own opinions on the matter have changed after reading so many people's stories here. I hope that you will find comfort and empathy.

Hi SpiritTornrApart,

Yes I agree with Harbor, you are a survivor. Welcome to isurvive. I hope you find all the support you need.

Best wishes,
EH

I define a survivor as someone who can move on and live a mostly normal life after the trauma they went through, where as a victim let's the trauma control and dominate their life.

Based on that, I feel more like a victim than a survivor.

I try to be open and straight forward with people as much as I feel safe being with hope that someone can learn from my experiences and avoid being a victim, or a survivor themselves. Even more important, I hope that people can use me as an example to evaluate their own lives and try to get help and counseling before they end up suffering as I do.

I don't want anyone to have to suddenly realize that they hurt someone they care about very much, then come to realize that the person they hurt, was really someone they truly loved very much, even if they couldn't ever realize that due to their past trauma. The pain is tremendous, the burden is severe. It's a horrible realization that has left me honestly feeling a huge hole in me that I can't fill. A hole that I don't even know if it should be filled anymore. Like my username says, my very core spirit has been torn apart and I don't know anything that can ever fix me or fill the hole again. It feels too late for me. I don't want others to have that happen before they wake up.

You are choosing life and healing, you are choosing to face your past. You are now a survivor, no longer a victim.

It doesn't mean that you won't suffer and that the abuse won't have a terrible grip on you. It doesn't mean you won't always feel remorse or confusion. But it is a badge of honor you deserve to wear now since you have owned your actions and your past. You are in a new phase of life now, the one where you are taking your self and your life back. It won't be easy but you are more than worth it.

I hope you feel free to share what you need here and will find much support.

EH

Welcome to the group

H SpiritTornApart...it's really good to meet you.

ajei