Feeling Alone & Isolated

[Magpie]

Hi all, just wondered if anyone else feels very isolated at times? Probably due to feeling different and wanting to avoid certain triggers. I’ve always just preferred having time to myself, not making time for friends or family, or socialising-it makes me feel really uncomfortable the idea of going out with a group or having to go somewhere where I haven’t been or turn up on my own.

I avoid family get togethers for obvious reasons, which gets to me some days because I want to but it just fills me with dread.

Plus my partner does not know anything about what I have been through, because he is too close if that makes sense?
So, I can’t talk to him about it.

The only real time I make is for my own family, because I know how important and precious that time is and how I want to be a good person and parent who takes an active interest in teaching my child about life and hopefully arming them with the tools to protect themselves in some way from life in general.

Does anyone else get lonely and isolated? What ways do you do to cope with this? I’ve signed up for counselling, I occasionally (I’m not good at it) meditate, and I have hobbies and a Journal. I feel sometimes writing down things help. I have amazing work colleagues, which I am blessed with-but they do not know anything that’s happened.

Thanks all

[Nature]

Hi Magpie - feeling isolated is a very natural thing. I feel it all the time and I bet most people here do as well. I find that I make myself sound busier than I really am to avoid having to go out. One thing I did that has worked a bit, is I told two of my friends I know though sports about my past and asked them to make sure I get out. We do active outings like hikes and bike rides. So while I'm technically socializing, I'm also in nature. I told them I make excuses, and asked them to see past them.

Have you talked to anyone about your struggles? For me, telling my first people was really difficult. The only way I could do it was in written form, and even then I was vague. But it started the ball rolling. I've also just started in counselling, and hopefully you will find it helpful when yours starts.

[solana]

hi Magpie, nice to meet you.

i also have a habit of isolating myself. social situations give me a lot of anxiety, and i avoid them like the plague, which does get lonely. literally only 1 person that i know in "real" life knows about my past, and i have no contact with family. i can definitely understand how much harder it can be to talk about this stuff with people you are already close to.

i am still learning to cope, but i try to make an effort to participate in safe social gatherings once in a while. when i do, i also try to set boundaries by letting friends know in advance that i might not stay the whole time, or that they have to leave by a certain time. and remind myself i'm allowed to leave when i want to.

[Magpie]

Thank you all, much appreciated and all very useful stuff that I will take on board. I have only ever told one close friend, and it did feel like a giant leap in doing just that. Like it made the pain of telling, a little less raw in just doing that. And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I do need help through counselling, it’s like a road block I just can’t seem to get past otherwise.

[Genesis]

Magpie,

I know exactly how you feel down to every last word. I don’t have a lot of advice as I’m not very far along in the healing process but I can tell you that you are not alone. I wish you the best with your counseling.

[catmom]

Magpie,
I too, have suffered from loneliness and anxiety in social situations even though i thoroughly crave interaction and connection with others. Even in group situations I feel isolated and an outsider. I've spent my entire life not understanding how to interact with others properly and considered myself a "wrong" person. I am 52 years old and have had a difficult, sad life journey.

Anyway, I could be off base with your needs but i've recently come across the subject of "toxic shame" and how it inhibits us (meaning people who have undergone the trauma of child abuse) from developing the ABILITY to interact with others health-illy.

I want to share this because I have spent my ENTIRE life being bullied both in my personal life and in my social life which has isolated me mentally from normal interactions. I am learning not to be AFRAID of others by understanding how my reaction affects the dynamics of social intercourse.

I am sharing because maybe the information can help you with your social anxiety.

Here is a video i have found incredibly helpful about personality development and toxic shame.... WITH SOLUTIONS!.... watch until the end. They mention that we tend to remember those who have abused us but points out that we should try to focus/remember those who did see us and loved us!

Speak Your Mind - Letting Go of Toxic Shame
(url removed, please search on YouTube if interested)

The Complex Trauma Survivor Faces a Lifetime’s Worth of Bullying (url removed, please search on YouTube if interested)


I want to feel better about myself and my life. I feel like at 52 i've wasted my time but i feel like I CAN enjoy what time i have left.

xx catmom