I use they/he pronouns. I figured I'd say hello and introduce myself. I saw the post about belonging here, pinned to this board, after roughly an hour of debating whether I should even post at all, and I felt encouraged so I figured I should give it a try at least.
I suppose I'd eventually like to talk about my story in more detail and get some support around that, but for now I'll remain fairly unspecific with details... This forum feels like a safe place, so I will say this. I recently fled my domestic abuse situation, and, my abuser was also the individual who was my primary sexual abuser throughout childhood. It feels so distant to even say that. I want to pin down a date for starting my recovery, and I really think it was, technically last Wednesday in therapy with my T. Cos that's what truly kicked everything off within me. I've had memories of things for a while (which is why I fled months ago) and I've been in denial and avoidant of facing it ever since, but, now I'm in a space where it can't be ignored anymore (though I know the value of pacing myself and giving myself room to breathe while processing)
Still, I'd like to name today as my official "Start of recovery" date. Because I'm reaching out here, to everyone, to other survivors, and I have appointments with my mental health team today, where I'm going to ask for support groups and other resources... It feels like a big step to write here. It feels scary. But hopeful, I think. I only name a date because I want a happy anniversary to look back on someday, to be able to look back in a year and see how far I've come, because even if things aren't great in a year it's a sure thing I'll have made some progress either way.
The last couple days I've been stuck in a cycle of apathy and depression and stuck in memories and such, and I'm hoping to support myself through it as well as find some support here.
Please let me know if I should change my trigger indicator at all!
Lilypod
