An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.
so this represents me over the past two years or so. I am just now realizing that I have suffered severe dissociation for quite some time. I believe I was slipped a hallucinogen by someone close to me but can no longer prove it. I was acting completely out of character for ANY of the personalities that I now know of and I would end up places not knowing how I got there or why I was there or what I was supposed to be doing. A lot of my behaviors have been blamed on drug use/abuse too. So naturally anyone who knows me will chalk the episode up to my "drug problem". I now believe that I have created several different personalities through life to cope with different situations. One of them has kept attachments to each of my abusers. This has been most unhealthy. My hope is to find some understanding here as I havent been able to find it anywhere else. During this hallucinating I actually recovered memories of CSA. I feel disgusting and worthless and cant help but feel embarrassed that I have carried that feeling with me subconsciously all my life. I feel like I've woken up from a deep sleep and my life has been hijacked by another person for the last 15 years. I had also been talking to people and not knowing that I was communicating at all. I can only remember being scared to speak. Maybe that was the child alt that could not speak up for herself. I look around and literally do not remember making this life for myself and I feel horrible. How can I parent when now I am constantly trying to parent the little one in me? I have obviously been living like a reckless teenager trying to avoid these memories and now that it has hit me like a ton of bricks it's like there's nothing I can do about it.
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
all of that sounds like a terrifying, disorienting ordeal...
So much to uncover, piece together...
Take it one tiny step at a time, never forgetting to breathe all the while.
Keep breathing.
We'll be here with you
"A chipmunk for you..." *plucks out the most beautiful flower and gives it to you - a baby chipmunk curled up and sleeping within its petals!...*
so this represents me over the past two years or so. I am just now realizing that I have suffered severe dissociation for quite some time. I believe I was slipped a hallucinogen by someone close to me but can no longer prove it. I was acting completely out of character for ANY of the personalities that I now know of and I would end up places not knowing how I got there or why I was there or what I was supposed to be doing. A lot of my behaviors have been blamed on drug use/abuse too. So naturally anyone who knows me will chalk the episode up to my "drug problem". I now believe that I have created several different personalities through life to cope with different situations. One of them has kept attachments to each of my abusers. This has been most unhealthy. My hope is to find some understanding here as I havent been able to find it anywhere else. During this hallucinating I actually recovered memories of CSA. I feel disgusting and worthless and cant help but feel embarrassed that I have carried that feeling with me subconsciously all my life. I feel like I've woken up from a deep sleep and my life has been hijacked by another person for the last 15 years. I had also been talking to people and not knowing that I was communicating at all. I can only remember being scared to speak. Maybe that was the child alt that could not speak up for herself. I look around and literally do not remember making this life for myself and I feel horrible. How can I parent when now I am constantly trying to parent the little one in me? I have obviously been living like a reckless teenager trying to avoid these memories and now that it has hit me like a ton of bricks it's like there's nothing I can do about it. 
