New Member

[Wildflower]

Hello,

Thank you for allowing me into the forum.

I found this forum when looking up information on incest survivors. It's funny, I never really looked at myself in that way until a recent event happened. I had always just unemotionally knew that that I experienced physical sexual abuse by my father and, experienced, what I have come to now know is called Covert Incest, by my mother.

What began me on this journey was the following situation that just happened a couple of weeks ago:

My husband and my brother-in-law were discussing me and my sister and our crazy upbringing and my BIL mentioned some magazines that my sister found when she was about 17 years old which, along with other issues, caused her to move out. They contained pornographic pictures of nude men and nude men and boys. I actually saw those same magazines, but I am 10 years younger than my sister, so I had no frame of reference. I didn't deem them good or bad at the time. They just were what they were. I can't even visualize them specifically. However, this realization that what I saw was what my sister saw not only changed my life, it helped put a piece of the puzzle together for me regarding suspicions I have long had about my father. But, what has impacted me the most is that I went from feeling that my experience wasn't just an experience, solely felt by me, to the realization that my father may have been a child molester and also committed incest. I guess this should have been my thought from the start, since me molested me. I guess the brain has a crazy way of trying to figure out how to deal with information sometimes, especially bad information.

For the first time, I actually viewed myself as an incest survivor. I am not even sure why the magazines were a catalyst. For some reason they have had a profound effect on how I now see my father and myself. I am ready to face some truths I don't think I was ready to face before. And although I do not like the thought that anyone else has experienced this or any abuse, I am hoping to connect to others that understand what I am feeling and going through.

Thank you for reading,

Wildflower

[Watercolor]

Hi Wildflower, and welcome! I'm so sorry though for what brings you here.

Coping with new realizations like you are is very draining, difficult, painful, the whole nine yards. It can take a long time to wrap one's head around it. I hope being here and sharing and connecting with help you much.

[Genesis]

Welcome Wildflower. I’m sorry you have a reason to be here, but I can assure you that you are not alone. This group has been so supportive to me, even when I cannot bring myself to be positive enough to support others.

Your comment on realizing you are an incest survivor struck me because I had a similar realization a few weeks ago. I know my grandpa sexual abused me and my mom, aunts and uncles from infancy to varying ages of childhood to adulthood depending on the victim ... but we lived what looked like a normal life to outsiders. Scrolling on Facebook a few weeks ago, I came across a story about a father sexually abusing and raping his infant daughter and other young children. I gasped. I thought, “Those poor kids!”. And even though I’m in my 40’s, for the first time in my life, I realized... I am one of those children. We are one of “those” families. The only difference between me and the story on Facebook is that my abuser never got caught. I was horrified. How did I not see that before?

It’s a long story, but our brains can do unbelievable things to protect us. Those coping mechanisms don’t last forever though. I’m glad you are here.

[ajei]

Hi Wildflower,

It's really good to meet you. I hope you find all the support you need and deserve here.

ajei

[coconuts]

Welcome. Sorry for the reasons that being you. One of the first steps to healing is letting go of the denial. I tried to ignore my past for years. Pretend it didnt happen, or it wasnt that bad, or it didnt effect me that much and i could move on. Truth was i needed to face the darkness.

I hope you can find the healing and peace you need and deserve.

Coconuts

[Jonesy]

Hi Wildflower

A warm welcome to isurvive