[Hagar]

Saying hello to all and this is an update and some more bitching and moaning from yours truly!

I have provided this input for my friend who has contacted the gyn dept. at her hospital and hopes to "carry the ball" for us to the extent she can. Also, I have realized that my city is the headquarters of a non-profit organization that provides training, publications, etc about trauma and healing from trauma and I have their e-mail and real address and can literally drive to the headquarters about five minutes away! This is awesome and so I will go ahead with that contact.

If anyone has any more input for this thread I'll gladly carry anything and any ideas along as I hope for a face-to-face appointment with someone from this organization.

A brief update on my situation. I went to the uro-gyn on the 15th and she was good--very matter-of-fact kinda gal who asked some questions--hard to believe that there were any other fact-finding things to ask after the 15 page packet of questions they'd sent me prior to the appt.


TRIGGERS**************

She did do a catheter exam and I made the nurse leave while I explained to the doctor that I am triggered to panic attacks by this kind of stuff. She listened and asked me what she could do to make this as comfortable as possible. I asked her to tell me step-by-step what she was doing and she agreed. She was very good and calming. Alas, she hasn't been able to diagnose the problem and I have to have a cystoscopy as soon as one can be scheduled. She will have to give me a twilight anesthetic because of the panic thing and because the particular stuff will be painful. I'm really terrified about this but I'm also darned miserable about this problem.

*****************

Please let me know if you have other ideas about this ongoing and very important issue about receiving the level of medical care we need. I'm relying on our family here to educate the health-care professionals out there.

Y'all ROCK!!!

Love,
Hag

[daydreamer23]

Ok, just found this thread (Thanks Lori!) after I started one in the Surviors of Incest forum asking for pointers on how to get thru one of these exams. (I am almost 24 and havnt had the courage to have one.) This subject is extremely hard for me, but reading all this has given me some insight and courage to ask another question. I know this particular thread is meant to be a place to give suggestions to improve health care, and I'm sorry if I am posting this in the wrong place and slightly changing the topic, it just seems logical to put it here so that if others like me are curious too they can read it.

Although this thread is extremly informative and valuable, it is geared a lot towards people who have had an exam before. I know thats the point, but..... as I have never had one, (with the exception of when I was 6 due to suspicion of abuse...gee, you think?! Not that anything was done.) I'm not understanding a lot the technical aspects of it. I was just wondering if maybe Truth Teller or someone could explain a little more of what an exam actually entails so that I know what to expect if I can work up the courage to go. Again I apologize for slightly changing the subject and having nothing of my own to contribute...I just don't know where else to turn.

I too would like to thank Hagar for starting this thread, and everyone else who has posted, this kind of stuff is what helps make Isurvive so special.
_________________
Today is the first day of the rest of my life

[truth teller]

Hi daydreamer glad to be of help. Here is how the exam should go.

1. Give a urine sample before the exam or empty your bladder.

2. Undress completely below the waist except for socks. Sit on exam table with a lap sheet over you completely covered.

3. If you prefer and table sits up ask to have head of table raised.

4. Doctor comes in and pull out foot rests aka stirrups. Put your heels in there. You will now be in the "birthin' baby position".

5. Doctor will use a small speculum a plastic or metal device to look inside and make sure everything is healthy. This device for your first exam should be about the size of a large tampon applicator. If you are healthy it should not hurt. Remember they are only looking at the tiniest portion of you. You are not splayed out open to the world. It is very private and only looks at what needs to be looked at. Then some Q-tip type things are used to get some specimens for the lab. These only touch you not hurt you. Also a specimen is sent for your pap smear. Obtaining these specimens should not hurt. If it does tell the doctor. It could mean you have an infection or something.

6. There is a second part of the exam to check that which we can not see. To check the ovaries, fallopian tubes and abdomen there is the "bimanual exam". That is where we push from inside and outside of you to check there is nothing there that shouldn't be. It also makes sure you are not having pain with the exam. If you are it is a sign of infection.

Remember this exam can save your life. Mine detected cancer.

Good luck and don't be afraid.

[maggiegirl]

I always always always go a and get a wonderful brownie after every pelvic exam. I told my daughter to do this too and introduced her to this brownie traditiion when I went with her to her first pelvic exams. I told her to visualize the brownie while the exam was going on. She was not abused but still does not like exams, so the brownie helps.
_________________
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

Emily Dickenson

[Hagar]

Hi Y'all!!

This is awesome, you guys!

Maybe we should market the post-pelvic-exam ice cream and brownie plan!

Seriously though, I keep thinking about all of us and our need to care for ourselves by having these exams. It's as if the abusers still have hold of us if we can't forge ahead with our own agency and self-care if we don't embrace our humanity in this way. I've never thought of it quite this way before but it's true, at least looking back on the times I've ignored my own distress in this area, ignored even serious symptoms, not gone for help when it was necessary and am now paying a high price.

Please keep the questions, suggestions and information coming and I'll keep working on this with my medical resources!

Love,
Hag

[theta torment]

hag,

thank you so much for this thread. i am so sorry about your health problems but i think it is so admirable and awesome that you are turning something awful that you are experiencing into something positive for yourself, for us, for the medical community and for women in general.

i, too, experienced csa and this has always been an issue for me. i had been very good for quite a few years since breast cancer runs in my family but i have not seen a gyn for the last few years (since i have been back in my home state).

for me, the very worst thing actually happened with a female gyn. i have panic attacks and not only does my heart race but i guess i tense up really bad. this woman actually yelled at me. she was probably having a bad day and she didn't know my past history but to yell and roll your eyes, saying, why can't you just relax?! i was horrified and i actually ended the exam, threw on my clothes and got the hell out of there.

i didn't go again for years. then i had a wonderful gyn out in california. when i moved to texas, i found someone great there. now i am back here and this woman who did this to me sooo many years ago has me scared to go again.

i would say. i know it is their job. i know we all have bad days, but please, do not ever yell at anyone who is in that situation because their body is making you frustrated. you don't know what kind of horrific things may have happened to them and yelling at someone who has mustered up the courage to come to you for help can have a lasting impact, especially on a survivor.

i need to find a new gyn and this thread is very timely for me. thank you.

theta

[Hagar]

O wow! I'm so glad that this thread seems to be a help to all our sisters here!! Now I have some really exciting news!!!

My friend, the one who works in upper management at a large hospital nearby, the one who is also qualified to be a T, has contacted a lead doctor at the hospital and he is very, very, very happy to make our cause here the subject of "Grand Rounds" for the hospital medical staff early in 2010. I will need to find a doc who can help present the information about csa and repercussions related to gyn care as adults--how to conduct a non- or at least less triggering exam and how to listen and care for survivors of csa. This head honcho doctor is very excited about educating the medical staff about our "special needs and concerns." He also wants a survivor to talk to the group and this is a bit tricky since I'm not sure I want to go this public with my particular circumstances. It's scary but I'll see what needs to happen and we'll go from there.

This is huge, y'all and I'm really excited that we've gotten this far! The other thing I've been considering is contacting a foundation-funded group that is headquartered here locally for their input with this project. They are dedicated to work with trauma survivors and provide ongoing education for the broader medical community about our special needs and concerns.

Anyway, that's the news and I wanted to let you know about it!

Do you have any suggestions, or advice, or anything for me about this--I'm just so happy that everyone is on board here and together we can really make a difference for all our survivor sisters out there.

Love,
Hag

[theta torment]

dearest hag,

this brings tears to my eyes. you rock! thank you, thank you, thank you.

sending you the strength to continue on this wonderful journey. i guarantee this will make a real difference in people's lives and how those in the medical field practice. i can feel it in my heart.

theta

[Hagar]

Hi Y'all!!!

Haven't written in awhile and want to share a new chapter in the continuing saga of "Hag tries to make some connections with the medical mumbo-jumbo." I could really use some help from our medical types out there in isurvive land.

We are beginning to get snow here-and a blizzard is promised before the two day flakorama is over--that's just a weather-maven update, not really a medical concern!!

OK, in Nov. I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis which is a really nasty, painful, incurable, chronic, and progressive disease of the bladder lining. It's not terribly well known but once you have it, you know you have it! The urogyn who did the diagnosis turned out to be a first-class turkey and so I switched to a urologist who is an expert in IC. He (yes, I said "He") is a really good guy and his staff is absolutely amazing! I have been on the six meds he prescribed since Dec. 1 and the getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-six-times-to-pee thing has been reduced to two. That's wonderful! I've had to have 3 rescue instillations via catheter into the bladder and will have to have another round of these later this month. I have started on the "cardboard only" IC diet. OK, I'm exaggerating! but if I followed the diet to the letter I might as well just buy a case of kleenex! The instillations have been triggering but I keep breathing and talking to the nurse and she knows my situation and lets me know everything she's doing and is cheerful and I can pull the panic button any time. I will have a diagnostic and treatment hydrodistention cystoscopy in April by the urologist who is surprised that the turkey urogyn didn't do necessary biopsies. So, folks, I could still be wandering around with bladder cancer and not know it! DA!

NOW, finally to the point of this post!! When I go to the site for IC support I'm reading these long lists of drugs and conditions that IC patients seem to all have--get a load of this: asthma, fibromyalgia, IBS, vulvodynia (sp?), etc. Sound familiar? I'm thinking: Damn! Are these IC patients all survivors of trauma of some type--stuff that raised their anxiety levels off the charts for years at a time???? Has any study been done about the conditions correlation with trauma????

The first time I went to the Urologist I told his P.A about the abusive history because I needed them to know how triggering everything in this arena is for me. The P.A. got it and said, "Hag, a high percentage of IC patients have histories of abuse." Well, she's made the connection but has the rest of the medical world? I mean there are a heck of a lot of women out there struggling with these chronic ailments and do they know that these painful situations could have generated from abuse they are not even aware of yet? Do their doctors ask necessary questions? Is this topic avoided until the patient asks it? Do the patients need immediate referral to therapy to deal with the underlying and murderous trauma?

When I told my T (aka Rushmore) about the first visit to the urologist and the statement made by the P.A. about the prevalence of PTSD in IC patients, Rushmore said calmly: "Hag, I'm not surprised!" I just think it's time to look at the whole health situation of survivors and some of these co-existing medical conditions and put the pieces together.

Does this make sense or am I just on my soapbox about a no-brainer?

I'm interested in feedback here!

Love to all and maybe I'll come back with snow updates from time to time.
Hag

[beachlady]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hagar}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yes; it totally makes sense, and there is actually research literature, quite a bit of it, linking several medical issues to abuse histories, as well as research on health outcomes for survivors.
Beachlady
_________________
"I'm spilling the secrets
My back's to the wall
I'm saving my own skin
Let the house of cards fall..." Betsy Rose
"Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity"..... love this quote!!

[Hagar]

Yo Beachlady!

You so rock!!!!!!
I wish that bibliography could be OF INTEREST to the practioners in the field rather than just a passing curiosity to those who work with clients/patients with the complicated co-existing disorders. DAMN! Girl, you're good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You probably tap into the information all the time for one good reason or another!!!

Perhaps survivors are going to have to be the ones, once again, to be proactive in this area of real information dissemination. IC was still, into the '80's, considered to be a "female hysterical disorder." GEEZ!!!! What it's going to take is a certain group of isurvive students (I can think of a few already) completing their degrees and getting out there with the results of the studies which have been funded and completed but never seem to have much impact in the real world with real people who are hurting.

So, as is a familiar and wonderful expression: "Let's all pull up our Big Girl Panties and Get Busy!"

Love and lots of BKTY hugs,
Hag

[truth teller]

(((Hagar))) Thank you for this thread. It is a gift to women survivors. My condition of gynecological cancer is also likely related somehow to my abuse. It is time to stand up and be counted. It is time for survivors to recognize our increased risk. We may have been conditioned to be passive but we must get active in the protection and advocacy of our health and causes!

I agree this is a Brilliant idea

[Hagar]

Thanks truth teller!

You are awesome and courageous and we really are all in this together to get the word out there.

Snow update: It's really coming down out there and it's very exciting to have this much snow around my area. They're saying possibly 30 inches!

Be brave, dear friend!
Love,
Hag

[beachlady]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hagar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yeah, I think it needs to be much more of a priority; problem is that then the professional training would have to acknowledge the breadth of the problem, really GET the stats that say 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are survivors and that the impact really IS that big.... can just feel a Mama Bear rant coming on!!!!
MUCH love to you, my friend!
Beachlady
_________________
"I'm spilling the secrets
My back's to the wall
I'm saving my own skin
Let the house of cards fall..." Betsy Rose
"Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity"..... love this quote!!

[Cassie]

I haven't written for awhile, just reading, but I wanted to say that I have not been to a Gyn for 14 years, since my youngest was born. It is a harrowing experience for me and I just can't bring myself to go, made and cancelled quite a few appointments.

I think this thread is very important, hopefully it will fuel changes in the health care community. Thank you for posting.
_________________
I wish you peace,
Cassie