So clinical, so not ME
So not US, WE, YOU, SHE
Who is She?
She was Her. The One who…
You know
I know
I know. Say no more.
I say no more.
And yet I…
Say no more
I say no more.
I hurt
I’m tense
My wrist HURTS!
My neck HURTS!
My feet
We’re feeling now, see?
Say no more.
Dissociate! So easy to flee.
Away we go, you and me.
And She! Don’t forget She!
OK it’s WE now, We, OK?
Only if you say so, boss!
We OK to sleep we go…
Dissociated Identity
Moderator: Jonesy
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Oceantide
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- Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:20 am
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Scars
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Re: Dissociated Identity
((((( Oceantide )))))
No words. Just hugs.
No words. Just hugs.
A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. It says the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. There is a beauty in my scars that I can see now.
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Redisfinallyfree
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Re: Dissociated Identity
(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Oceantide )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))). Wrapping you in soft warm blankets and love and comfort. I can remember “saying no more” too. You were surviving. It was a horrible choice you were forced to make for survival. Mine was a horrible choice to bury the truth and live their lies. Normal instinct is to defend and protect ourselves, to put up a fight. I think it makes us feel like we are siding with the enemy and becoming like them against our true selves. Getting through the guilt for those choices is so hard, especially when we really shouldn’t even FEEL guilty at all. There is no shame in wanting to live and get free. I’m so sorry “She” hurt you so deeply. You didn’t deserve that. It was never your fault in any way, shape, or form. You were an innocent who should have been protected and nurtured and loved. Sitting with you, if that’s okay. Be kind to yourself because you are worth kindness.
What I wish I could have done is find you when you were hurting and saying no more in acceptance that you had no power to save yourself. I would have released you from your bonds and soothed your painful neck and wrist then wrapped you in soft warm blankets.Then I’d have whisked you away to the seaside. To a place that was safe and warm and beautiful where you could be free to walk the beach and play in the sand and water and to heal. A place where no one could or would hurt you ever again and you could grow and regain your voice. And I would love you for exactly who you are right where you are in those moments. I’d give you soft toys to hug and cuddle, lots of writing, drawing, and painting supplies too. Trampolines to jump on, things to climb, things to throw. Maybe some puppies or kittens or horses or whatever else you’d like that helps you heal too. I’m so sorry that no one was there to do that for you. I would change that if I could. You deserved to be a loved and protected child. We all did. You are not alone or unloved now.
Redisfinallyfree
What I wish I could have done is find you when you were hurting and saying no more in acceptance that you had no power to save yourself. I would have released you from your bonds and soothed your painful neck and wrist then wrapped you in soft warm blankets.Then I’d have whisked you away to the seaside. To a place that was safe and warm and beautiful where you could be free to walk the beach and play in the sand and water and to heal. A place where no one could or would hurt you ever again and you could grow and regain your voice. And I would love you for exactly who you are right where you are in those moments. I’d give you soft toys to hug and cuddle, lots of writing, drawing, and painting supplies too. Trampolines to jump on, things to climb, things to throw. Maybe some puppies or kittens or horses or whatever else you’d like that helps you heal too. I’m so sorry that no one was there to do that for you. I would change that if I could. You deserved to be a loved and protected child. We all did. You are not alone or unloved now.
Redisfinallyfree
Last edited by Serenity on Fri Jan 27, 2023 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
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Oceantide
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- Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:20 am
Re: Dissociated Identity
Thank you for the hugs, Scars and Redisfinallyfree. To be honest, your warm, compassionate responses surprised me (the Oceantide part, who doesn't understand what the Poet is writing about). Because I'm still dissociated from the experiences. But I (Oceantide) wanted to honor Poet by posting her poem (despite not understanding it) and I'm glad you were able to understand and comfort those parts of me that Poet was writing about. This is all so confusing sometimes...
Redisfinallyfree, you're right that "She" hurt us horribly. Thank you for all the amazing toys and art supplies and beautiful places (you know I love the beach) and...it's overwhelming to imagine if we could have been helped like that. And that you knew we needed to regain our voice again. Some of us are mute. Oceantide couldn't understand Poet's words, but you're helping her understand. Thank you. We have no more words for now. Just silent tears of gratitude for your kindness.
Redisfinallyfree, you're right that "She" hurt us horribly. Thank you for all the amazing toys and art supplies and beautiful places (you know I love the beach) and...it's overwhelming to imagine if we could have been helped like that. And that you knew we needed to regain our voice again. Some of us are mute. Oceantide couldn't understand Poet's words, but you're helping her understand. Thank you. We have no more words for now. Just silent tears of gratitude for your kindness.
Last edited by Serenity on Fri Jan 27, 2023 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
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Redisfinallyfree
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- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 6:37 pm
Re: Dissociated Identity
Beautiful Oceantide and poet,
You are more than welcome. I have to credit Earthhorse for the idea of trying to give you something better to remember about what you SHOULD HAVE had instead of what was done to you if possible. Lovely Earthhorse recently did something like that for me with one of my most painful abuse memories. I read what Earthhorse would have done for me in that instance and cried happy tears and re-read and cried and re-read and cried a bunch of times. Until I read that, I couldn’t imagine anything different in that situation. I kept re-reading Earthhorse’s beautiful version of that memory and soaking in the warmth and caring and it really helped me so incredibly much. So, after reading this poem and crying for you, I wanted to try to give you the same kind of healing gift that Earthhorse gave to me.
Sending comforting thoughts, peaceful and restful sleep, and happy dreams.
Redisfinallyfree
You are more than welcome. I have to credit Earthhorse for the idea of trying to give you something better to remember about what you SHOULD HAVE had instead of what was done to you if possible. Lovely Earthhorse recently did something like that for me with one of my most painful abuse memories. I read what Earthhorse would have done for me in that instance and cried happy tears and re-read and cried and re-read and cried a bunch of times. Until I read that, I couldn’t imagine anything different in that situation. I kept re-reading Earthhorse’s beautiful version of that memory and soaking in the warmth and caring and it really helped me so incredibly much. So, after reading this poem and crying for you, I wanted to try to give you the same kind of healing gift that Earthhorse gave to me.
Sending comforting thoughts, peaceful and restful sleep, and happy dreams.
Redisfinallyfree