Invisible Heroes, Belleruth Naparsteck

[Paper]

I read this book years ago and there was a lot that spoke to me in it at that time and I just ran across mention of it again so I thought I'd mention it.

Here's a quote that touched me straight through to the heart. It was before everything, didn't have a page number.

“My children need me. They have homework and karate lessons and swimming. I smile at their teachers. No one would guess that I am out of bed and out of the house for only a very short time each day, summoning the energy to appear normal for my children. I leave the house at three, makeup in place. I look perfect. I return exhausted. No one knows the hell I’m living.” (Invisible Heroes, Belleruth Naparstek, 2004).

I felt the same also. Though I did not wear makeup and smiling, well, it doesn't come naturally to me and I often forget to do it, I did everything I could to appear normal and I suffered terribly every day after I gave my performances, often coming home to lie on the floor for long periods of time because I could not move. I'm still this tired, sometimes crawl up the stairs using my hands at night, but I have less demands and I'm doing what I can to learn how to take care of myself better.

The only thing that did not work for me, which I know works for some, is the guided meditation part which I think was at the end. I find guided meditation very triggering. But the rest of the book had a lot that resonated for me.

[motherwaterspirit]

Hi, Paper,

Invisible Heroes sounds like a good read. I don't have any living children, but I can relate to copying and pasting a smile on your face while you're in public. The moment you come inside, you feel like you're wilting, dying.

I don't wear make-up either, but I have never been so tired that I had to crawl up the stairs! I identify with lying around for long periods or bursting into tears once everyone's gone. I tried guided meditation before, but it didn't work for me.

Sending peace and hope,

JRHolman

Edit: MT to NT

[Oceantide]

I did everything I could to appear normal and I suffered terribly every day after I gave my performances, often coming home to lie on the floor for long periods of time because I could not move. I'm still this tired, sometimes crawl up the stairs using my hands at night, but I have less demands and I'm doing what I can to learn how to take care of myself better.

Many times in my past I felt like this as well (including the sometimes crawling up the stairs using my hands part). After 8 years with my current therapist I no longer experience this kind of extreme exhaustion or collapse after "performing" in the outside world, thankfully. I still have to do a lot of self-care and make sure I have "me" time and "down" time, or I will feel over-extended and tired, but it's not as extreme as in the past, thankfully.