There: 2019

[coconuts]

Aww glad you and Tula took a few strolls.

Hoping the sunny feelings begin outweighing the blue ones. Talked to brother today. He said he felt like sadness was really just love unrecognized or unable to be expressed. Like trapped love. We feel sad because we love. And that's not an all together bad thing. Interesting way to think about it anyways.

[there]

thanks, coconuts.
Another freezing day and this isn't even the winter cold yet. There are much colder places, though.

Making a gluten free, egg free, dairy free pumpkin pie.


Creativity is going to help so much. It always does.

Working on next drama class special fun time. Wizards in a Blizzard...working title.
Kids make wizard hats and wands. Science fun blizzard in a jar activity.

Other creative ideas for my life:
Tula on YouTube
Singing jazz at open mic
continuing children's book project
free expression dance
meetup

hmmm... gotta keep moving.

[there]

Tula's liver enzymes still mildly elevated. Next, full liver function tests Dec. 20. Didn't sleep too well before her vet appt.this morning. At least at 3 a.m. YT had really good monologues by British actresses to keep my mind on. Guess it's all good cuz I'm a drama instructor,
Trying to be positive, but feeling stressed and on the verge of tears.

[coconuts]

Sitting with you friend. Sad you are struggling.

Passing some warm tea and a tuna sandwich

[there]

coconuts, haha! Great! fully accepting tea and tuna!
Doing better after sharing Tula news with others.
Snow is all around and still sifting down.
Not hating winter so much.

Oo, jumped in the deep end, emailing pianist/accompanist who does open mic nights. He gave me this Sat. @ 11 a.m. as possible time. $50/hour ---reasonable. He told me next open mic is Dec. 17.
Feeling so apprehensive about preparing for this date. Can't I put it off till next month or two?
AAAAArgh!!!
Ok, going to at least have compassion for anxious, not-enough feelings.
Maybe telling my brother this news will help.
I had a lot of confidence in singing. Stopped when Dad died, just wanted to retreat from things. I know he wants me to enjoy my skills.

Ok, and soon phoning the possible new T.
AAArgh!!

Oh, did breath of fire kriya this morning, to help energy, emotional self-support.

[coconuts]

Love it. Wish I could hear you sing. I love to sing. I always wanted to take singing lessons. I'm not great at singing but think I could be okay. I've sung in church choirs before but never soloist . My kids love singing too. Probably because I often put music on the tv with lyrics. Kind of like karaoke only with the artists still singing. And we just go for it. When we had our exchange student here he stared at us all thru the first song and then decided it was great and jumped right in. Anyways, I'm rambling. But my kids are all in their school choirs and my one has made regional choir and is trying out for state choir next month.

Glad you are calmer about Tula. That is stressful I am sure but she has a wonderful friend in you to take care of her.

And yay for all things self care. You are worth it.

[there]

coconuts, thanks for your words. Fun to read about you and your kids and music.
I emailed him. He gave me times to meet, and date of open mic...Dec17...sooner than I can pull it together. After telling him I couldn't do that date, nor the Dec. 18 open mic he offered, I emailed that I would get in touch about early 2020.
He stopped emailing back and I feel kinda weirdly guilty. I just haven't sung in public for a few years...since my Dad died. I had been taking voice lessons when I was performing before.
I did start some online voice lessons to support myself.
Now I'm feeling sad and haven't gotten up to move my day along.
AAAArgh.
Want to crawl into a cave and not come out.
Also, healing from mean people.
Therapy sitch not resolved to new T , as there are some drawbacks. (Really?! A downside? Shocking!)

[coconuts]

Aww bummer on drawbacks.

What? There are only voice lessons?! Why have I never thought of that. I have a piano at home so I could use that to help.


Hm... Maybe don't read into the guy not getting back to you yet. He might have just put you onto the back burner so to say. Especially this time of year is very busy for lots of people.

[there]

coconuts,
You can find almost anything to study online.
I’m fine being on a back burner.

Out of tuna...
A tuna wish sandwich, then

[coconuts]

Haha. Tuna wish

Yeah you really can find almost anything online. Just wondering why I never even thought about looking for those.