There: 2019

[coconuts]

It's okay to hibernate. Sometimes we need it. Especially when disappointment hits. It's hard when you are looking forward to something and then it gets put off or cancelled.

Maybe devote a few minutes every day toward working on those things. ? Or not. Either way. Really. Thought getting some things probably need to take priority. Nothing that will make the world end of it doesn't get done tho

[there]

Thanks, coconuts, for your kind support. Sometimes inching ahead is good. Or feeling ok with letting things be, too.
Really chilly day in the 30s or low 40s today. Yesterday was 62˚!
Took Tula on bus to do errands. Stopped into phone store, (yay for doing) asking about unlocking phone. Nice guy gave me instructions about doing it online. Maybe this will be a better url.
Researching herbal support for Tula.
Have laundry in dryer.
Painted in my watercolor journal. It's my 2nd journal. Will bring on 3 night vacay next week.
Did I mention that my hometown friend, P, is coming for last 2 nights?
Some piano practice/playing yet, and a little online design.

Phew, am grateful I can share here.
Thanks for reading.

[coconuts]

Wow you were busy. Yay for you.

[there]

Sunday morning. I liked singing during the church service, but the pastor is kind of a jerk. So probably not going.
Saw a comment on some YouTube movie about how the stable family allowed girls to grow up into healthy adults. So I had an SU feeling flash over me.

I’m Not going to the wedding of niece whose mother, my sister, gave her a stable upbringing, and showed niece to diss me, at a few family gatherings. I’m nobody she wants her daughter to be like.. The one brother who always tells me he loves me flew out there for wedding. He apologized, because I told him it hurt me. Whoopie.
I really need more support than I have. Family will never really be

It’s a very unhealthy society, and I have to work to recover from its microaggressions.
So really, although I still don’t have enough support in terms of 3D people who are there for me.

I am, generally, mentally healthier than a family who treats me as they do. If I slip and have an SU feeling, it isn’t because of anything I did wrong.

Not going to be the victim, not going to be cruel like this world.
Going to love myself, help myself, forgive myself for blaming myself for anything that I mistakenly believed was my fault.

T is a joke.

Going to love me, feel the love of universe and G-d for me. I was created to to be creative. I am creativity. Destructiveness does not rule me today.

[coconuts]

. Amen girl

I think we will always have to shift thru people and their micro aggressions. People are just that way. Either on purpose or not. Some are just oblivious to what they are doing. No one thinking about what others might be feeling or going thru.

It takes a thoughtful search to find others who are kind, nonjudgmental, and willing to look past my imperfections. But it's lonely too. Isolating myself away from the world that can be painful and hard to navigate.

I think you are doing great at remembering your strengths and your likes. What brings you peace or joy. And going after those things

[there]

coconuts,
I’m certain we will have to ‘sift through ppl and their microaggressions’ always. Well, not every moment. And that’s where the letting go or detaching muscles get built and maintained.
seeking solitude does help me, I guess it’s softer than isolation. To me, isolation is something others had inflicted on me, or I did to myself. Hope I’m beyond that.
On an up note, isolation is a skill in Modern dance!
Thanks so much coconuts. You rock.

[there]

just smashed the screen of my phone when I dropped it.
and lost a $150 gift card,


ok. the cursing is over. Guess I have to let go.
NObody was killed.
I feel like I lose things a lot still, because my life is all about loss. guess that's negative, .
This place is a freaking mess and the disorganization isn't helping.

WIll need to do laundry andpack to leave tomorrow.
My friend, P, who's coming for 2 nights texted me to remember my bathing suit. I didn't like it. So i texted back 'haha'.

So I just ate 2 nondairy ice creams.

I don't want to get more depressed than I already am by patriarchy, sexism, capitalism and other fine isms.

Any hugs appreciated.

[coconuts]

Oh man.. I hate when I drop my phone. I can't handle a cracked screen so I typically spend good money on a screen protector and phone case. It's just me.

Bummer on the gift card. Fingers crossed you will find it.

Sending hugs your way. I hope you have a good time on your trip with friend.

[there]

I have limitations that made it unlikely I'd protect the phone screen.
I'm not worth protecting. That's what I get.

[coconuts]

I'll argue. You are worth protecting. Though I understand the inner feelings and thought processes. I really hope this trip is energizing and fullfilling. Enjoy time with your friend