still going on

[Fleur]

Hello VAC


Seems a global issue regarding records being smashed weather wise. Glad you are safe

Saw pdoc today who suggested writing an impact statement about the effects of earlier trauma felt as adult. She doesn't want a list of the concerning behaviour - rather how I perceive potential difference between reality and what could have happened without adversity

Agree with you - you don't need to degrade yourself


Much caring

[VAC]

Fleur,

I often find writing cathartic...sometimes I write my mind out and it gives me insight.

Here is something so odd to me...my only cousin is here. He is younger than me, but has lived a hard life. He and my deceased baby brother were contemporaries.

I took him to see the family graves...there are caretakers. The last time I was there I cleaned all the family graves...it has been some months ago. This is something that should have been done. When we went, all the plots around those several graves were perfectly manicured, by the caretakers.

Our family plot was hideously overgrown with weeds.

Even my cousin took note.

Recently this home town of mine has become burdensome to me again. I suppose I resent the physical reminders. My wife's family is atrocious as well. I guess the clincher for me is that I never want my children to move back here again. That is going some for a Southern parent.

I love this part of the country....I have a pronounced Southern accent. Traveling, I have been made aware, continuously( by the reaction of others to my accent), that the rest of the country seems to believe we are ignorant inbred racists. It is quite humorous to me, probably due to the lack of manners and civility that seems to plague many other regions.

A friend of mine has been reunited with his birth mother after a lifetime....she is truly afraid to come see him here because of what might happen to her. It is incredible.

They say discretion is the greater part of valor....I know things about people I choose not to tell them, not because I want some secret superiority, but because they have lived their lives well without knowing. I made the determination not to fill my children in on some family secrets from my ancestors, simply because it is enough already.

The negative aspect of cultural manners and civility is the nauseating hypocrisy that goes with the package. The funeral industry here is a social institution.. The family and friends gather for the showing the body. People file in, many to look in the face of someone they did not like and barely knew. It reeks.

I suppose I don't mind being cussed at by rude people so much, I just wish they had multisyllable vocabularies and did not sound so bereft of having opposable thumbs and a larger brain. I was used to being cussed at and have thick skin.

Lately here, we are in awful drought and summer heat even this late in the year....a number of times we have had dense clouds, sometimes for a few days, thunder, but no rain. That is how I feel about the incessant noise in this society. The easy offense and hatred are like clouds and thunder with no rain.

Hysterical offense is the new substitute for reason. Madness.

I often feel frozen in time, only reminded by the mirror it is not so. I am cordial and easily engage strangers in conversation...the other part of me wants to never stray from home.

Thanks...sorry for the rant...

VAC

[Fleur]

Hello VAC


No need to apologise for writing

It is peculiar how we, as a society, make snap judgement about others, quite in ignorance

We have a refugee family at Church. Six children. Both parents tertiary educated. All speak at least two languages fluently. Now, learning English. Fled Africa due to minority persecution. Based purely on how they speak English, even members of the congregation think these people are of low intelligence - after all, working as cleaners is indicative isn't it?! Not thinking how each parent works opposite shifts in order for always one adult to be home with children

Truly sad

That's how I felt reading your post

Les Carter, an online therapist, uses DrC as a way of engaging others - Dignity, Respect, Civility (he sometimes uses courtesy as the "C"). If even most people had these forefront, life would be much more friendly

Dry thunderstorms can begin fires. Hope this doesn't happen near you. Pray for steady soaking rain in drought conditions

Thank you for writing


Much caring

[VAC]

Fleur,

Almost forty years ago in Kenya, God really got mine and my wife's attention when we spent a month among some of the most noble people I have ever known....most had lived through dire circumstances: war, famine, persecution, deep poverty.

Most of them spoke English, French, Swahili, and one or more tribal languages.
They were head and shoulders above most others I have known morally and intellectually...I will include myself in that, and felt I was an ignorant child in the face of greatness.

A woman learned it was our anniversary and my wife's birthday....she invited all of us, about ten, to her small but so impeccable home, to have sweet cakes and cocoa for a treat. My wife and I looked at each other. We knew how she worked. We knew what things cost in the small market. We knew this was more than a weeks salary for her at least. She cared for five children while she worked incessantly while her husband was away at school.

We all gathered there, and this charming and dignified lady spoke, "I would like to ask God to bless our gathering". She prayed simply, and we were all overcome with the love and power of God, and all began to weep at the same time.

Many of them did not know what the future held for them and that they could die for their faith, but walked in peace and stability.

I admire your congregation for taking in this family.

I often wonder what people in our nation would be like if we were reduced to this kind of lifestyle.

VAC

[Fleur]

Hello VAC


Thank you for sharing a beautiful snapshot of personal history

Have you read Bill Gates' comment about being rich? As a much younger man, a newspaper vendor gave him two newspapers on separate occasions. Years later, after Microsoft was successful, he searched for the vendor. Asked what the man would like. "In comparison, Mr Gates, what could you give me?" The wealthy man suddenly recognised that generosity is an attitude of heart, not profit margin. In his eyes, the vendor was much richer

When I read this, I also wondered as you wrote - what if all people had a generosity of spirit? In my opinion, this planet would be so much more humane


Much caring

[VAC]

Drought....

[VAC]

Hello,

Tired, too many thoughts, disgusted tonight. My cousin brought me a piece of furniture that has been in our family for four generation.....trying to decide if I should keep it.

Still no rain.

VAC

[Fleur]

Hello VAC


Might one of your children appreciate having the antiquity?

Praying for rain to extinguish the drought


Much caring

[VAC]

Fleur,

The rain has been gentle and abundant and very much needed and appreciated: this parched earth has soaked it up; barely any puddles.

Odd place, some daunting times.

I am angry I ever had recall.
It was necessary so I could help my daughter.

VAC

[Fleur]

Hello VAC


Very happy for you that your part of the globe has rain

Totally get your anger regards recall. Your daughter will be appreciative for your support

Perhaps some recollection was or is necessary for your healing?

The more I look, the more I remember. Not pretty


Much caring