still going on

[VAC]

Hello,

Amazed I have not noticed it before, but 42 years later, the stop sign is still bent. Too much to explain and it would not be good, but hitting that stop sign was one of the events in which my life flashed before my eyes (repeatedly)….

I changed in a matter of a few days after this. I had seen myself clearly and had been given everything I asked for. It was not pretty.

That bent sign was part of the beginning of a slow suicide for one man and a rescue for another one (me).


I could easiliy write a book around this event spread over 30 years, or a script for a play or movie, and it would be the total truth. One title, might be "Byzantium: The Journey Of A Friend".....the other title would be "Broken Boys".

I would dictate to a voice recognition writer, but I have a unique voice and am not easily understood by any of these devices.
Off that subject, I am singing again....it is such a shadow of the voice I once possessed, but I was an arrogant ass at the time. Singing means more to me now.

Still fighting the giaints of not wanting to read or write.

I did my best to stay out of this.

I saw the stop sign yesterday and it all flashed back to me after all these years.

VAC

[Harmony]

Dear VAC,
Singing can be such a powerful tool for healing. It is a joy for me to sing to my little grandchildren. I think people underestimate the power of using ones own voice no matter how um.... (looking for a nonjudgemental term) ... interesting it is. lol

Harmony

[Fleur]

Hello VAC, Harmony


I sing Off key, out of tune ... doesn't matter as I'm only one in the place

Agree with you Harmony, that singing can be therapeutic

Isn't it odd VAC, how reminders are around us? My brother crashed family car into a post. Decades later, the duco paint scrape remains

Wonder what, if anything, is behind reluctance to read/write? For me, there are times this signifies something needing attention; other times, I think I'm just too ... (Tired, busy, etc) and cannot be bothered


Wishing you both very well

[Harmony]

Thanks Fleur,

Don't you guys think scars help remind us it really did happen. Paint scrap or skin scrape scars are the mark of our history.

keepin' it real,
Harmony

[VAC]

I had two friends who had total reconstructive facial surgery: one slid 100 yards on his face down a cliff....the other was driving a VW bug and lost control, she went through the windshield which skinned her face, then the car rolled over on her face
Both had perfect faces, perfectly formed, perfectly balanced, one side the twin of the other...it had taken a long time.

The doctors told them to take good care of themselves because their faces would never age.

The scars were barely discernable, and no one noticed unless they were shown....

Those are the kind of scars I want....

Songs in the night.

[VAC]

P.S. I sing to my grandchildren, to the elderly and infirm, and I sing alone to an audience of one.

VAC

[VAC]

Hello,

Life thoughts today about myself....how futile and what a waste to have punished myself for so many years for what others did to me as a child and to not remember it until middle age.

Don't want to evoke sympathy here, but for many years I could be driving down the road or looking in the mirror and just begin to slap myself almost involuntarily. I realized how crazy this looked, so I began punching my thigh as hard as I could.

Oddly, I stopped this after recall, and also a progressive dream I had in a series from age 23 to age 49 stopped after recall as well.

Presently I am good, doing better all the time I believe even in my down times. I have to stop myself from mourning for the sorrow and the things done and lost.

This may sound quite odd, and being an "oddling" is something I accepted because I had to survive....I was too precocious to suite the educators in my life. Years later one of the guys I went to highschool with apologized to me for the way our group treated me. I thanked him and laughed. I told him I was better off than him, had forgiven him long ago, and was the person I am because of the way I was treated.

He was shocked.

Routinely in my life, I have had people begin to shout and scream at me in public settings...I was used to this as a child. I am not surprised. Thankfully this has slowed down as I am older.

Today I reveled in my lovely grand-daughter, and last week spent several days summering and swimming with my unique grand son. No one could ever have convinced me I would live past 25 or ever be a family man.

I think we are being prepared for a new place....we will see which way the Wind blows.

Shallom....y'all.

V.

[coconuts]

I appreciate reading of your gentle acceptance of where you've been and where you are. I think many of us wish the healing could have come sooner. I wish I could have been stronger for all of my children. I wish I didn't have to fight this internal struggle with them in the background. I wish I had more energy to devote to all out loving them. I believe that in the end I will have that.

You have seen to much progress and change. Love and acceptance from your children and your wife and yourself.

Sounds lovely playing with grand children. Pure joy to spread.

[Harmony]

VAC,

I see the divine and the infinite when I look into the eyes of my grand daughters today. One of the girls is bald from all her chemotherapy. She is not yet 2 but has all the joy and innocence. They are such a happy spot in my life. After I spend the day with them I feel complete.

peace,
Harmony

[VAC]

Harmony,

Heartbreak....this world. I am sorry your treasure has suffered. Healing prayers.....

VAC