Surprise from an old demon

[dkangel]

I haven't been around in so very long, I'm thinking no one will remember me.
Still deal with rough spells occasionally, but can pretty much regulate things.... Then tonight, an evil demon reared its ugly existence into my being.
I fought a panic attack for several hours tonight from out of nowhere. I'm feeling weak from the battle, confused from the emergence of this evilness, and continued fear that it's the beginning of more to come.
Anyone else have this happen seemingly out of the blue??
I'm sorry if no one remembers me.... I'm very disconnected from most of my support systems.
So, I'm not going to blame anyone if there's no response from my "old support".
Dk

[Harmony]

Welcome back dkangel,

You might be surprised that a number of old-timers still post here. In terms of old demons emerging out of nowhere. This can and does happen. Out of the blue. Please feel free to post more about your struggles. There are likely others who face similar issues.

Glad you posted here.

with care,
Harmony

[dkangel]

Thank you, Harmony. So good to see a familiar name. I'm worried that no one will post here. Perhaps I haven't been present enough.
This panic attack was really bad. I was on a shuttle bus from our hotel when the whole thing started closing in. I was with my family. It was hot and stuffy on the shuttle. I took my meds and tried to close my eyes and breathe through it. It was horrible bc I didn't want my kids to see what I was going through.
I just don't know where it came from. That's my biggest worry here. Just where....
I thought I understood this demon. Thought I had it at bay. Haven't had an attack in years.. Not to this extent.
I'm scared. And alone-feeling.
Dk

[Harmony]

Dear dkangel,

You are not alone. I myself have suffered similarly in a public setting for no apparent reason. Now for me I know the triggers are hot stuffy and small or super crowded spaces. I use DBT skill methods to manage the symptoms. Have you studied dbt skills? They are extremely helpful with this stuff. I didn't do a massive program just a skills class and it helped a lot.

There is no shame to be had in your body and mind reacting this way. It is part of your past story colliding with today. I kind of see this as part of ptsd. So you aren't crazy. You are injured. Head up and enjoy your sweet family of today. I totally get it. Remember this is my own experience only not the opinion of isurvive. Your own may vary.

with care,
Harmony

[dkangel]

I haven't heard of dbt. Is it something only a therapist can use? I'm going to look it up. I used to do EMDR. It was wonderful. I miss my therapist so very badly. She has retired. I just try so hard to NOT let my past define me, but somehow it keeps reminding me no matter what. I can't seem to "embrace" it and appreciate it for any reason. Just. So. Tired. Of. It. All.
Thank you for your suggestion. And, thank you for understanding me. This place (and my therapist) is the only place where I am understood. Validation is so comforting when dealing with this. Maybe this dbt is something I can utilize myself.

[Harmony]

Sure you can read the content of DBT. It is like anything else it is a practice. It is like: you can read about yoga but having a class is SO much better the first time. This is hard stuff to change on your own. Find a class somewhere and learn it.

with care,
Harmony

[Harmony]

One more idea came to mind that was helpful to me on my own. I took another class called "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction" It helps with symptoms too. It is boring. It is slow. That is the point. It helps. This class is taught at places like community centers, yoga studios and hospitals. It is proven by science to reduce symptoms of anxiety depression and ptsd. It is hard to do but with a good teacher it is possible.

with more care,
Harmony

[dkangel]

Thank you. Maybe I can find an online class. I live in a small town, so finding a class for those type things would be challenging.

[there]

dkangel,
I hope something is working out for you w with this. I deal with PTSD too. Triggers can come up unexpectedly.
For self-help, I do slow-moving yoga, qigong, restorative yoga or slow deep breathing. The effects have been cumulative. My body and nervous system are less reactive in general. When triggers happen, and they do, I'm not so thrown or panicked as I would have been.

EMDR really is wonderful. Maybe you could find someone else who does that?

[dkangel]

Hi,
Haven't found anything local regarding the DBT. Maybe I can find something comparable. I've been doing better. Lost some weight-partly health reasons and mostly dieting. So, feeling a little better for that reason. Health condition still exists, but not able to address it at this time. Denial.
Had another day yesterday that was on the edge of an attack most of the day. Meds helped and laying low. No idea where the trigger came from-other than an argument (translation- me completely losing it with teenager). Made for a pretty crappy feeling day, though.
Hope all is well with everyone.
I miss my friends here.
Dk