What has brought me back.

[ladysslipper]

Below is an accounting of what triggered me so badly I decided it was time to seek t again. I really thought I was done with this crap.

So what do you say about a co worker that comes into work sees a note from his/her cube mate asking him/her to through away their dental floss picks and clean up before leaving and goes off on a yelling tangent? "if they have something to say they should say it to my face. I hate the way people here talk behind your back" and on and on this person went for five minutes. She also called her supervisor at 11pm at night to bitch about the note.
They could be heard throughout the department but at this time of night there are only a few employees on the floor. I work in a call center in the corporate offices and voices need to be kept down in order to hear on the phones.
I have been at my job for nearly four years and I have never heard anyone yell like this before. Especially over something as stupid as a little note. In the course of this tirade I was accused of being phony and talking behind people backs not just accused but screamed at. I told this person they needed to calm down it was effecting others. That is when they went off on me and yelled you go away I'm not talking to you now is not the time your a phony and continued to yell telling me to either leave or go back to my cube as if I was some little child. OMG as I am writing this I can hardly believe I am talking about someone in their forties maybe. I have never seen a person act so unprofessionally in all my life. OH this person then stands up and yells to the others in the department "did you see that how many times did I tell her and she is still here" across four isles of cubicles.
I try not to post about work on here but this incident has me dumbfounded. Totally inappropriate behavior for the work place.

[Fleur]

Hello LadysSlipper

I'm shocked that what you describe occurred at your workplace
Can only imagine how you are feeling

May things have settled and the environment become peaceful

Hopefully you are doing well in other ways

Caring hugs if wanted

From Fleur

[Harmony]

Dear ladysslipper,

I am glad to see you here again but sorry for the yucky triggering event. Now further down the healing road I too realize things. It may be that although I may be doing wonderfully there will be times when I get horribly triggered. Maybe you can work through this rough patch and heal even more. You are building resilience with T.

How great you have been at your job for 4 years! Congratulations.

with support,
Harmony

[ladysslipper]

On top of being terribly triggered by this women I am starting up with a new t. My last t retired and I sure do miss her. I was hoping I was done. I am not to sure about this new t. I have only seen her two times and so far I feel she is very direct. I don't know if direct is what I can handle. Sometimes it feels very threatening to me. At least I think that is what is going on. I have already learned a couple of things from her so I am trying to keep an open mind. A friend of mine speaks very highly of her but my gut is not to sure right now.
I feel like I am on real rough ground right now. nothing feels stable.

[ladysslipper]

On top of everything else I just lost my best friend. We have been friends for the past eight years. She is like a sister to me. I can not fix this.

At this point I care most about getting some of my things back from her.

[Sheep]

Ladysslipper,

I can understand how being talked to like you are a child is triggering. It would trigger me too! I had a boss do that once, and when I confronted him, he fired me - lol. And the yelling...definately a trigger for me as well. After my dad would yell like that, he would go into a rage.
I agree with Harmony: Congrats at being at the call center for 4 yrs!
Let us know how it goes with new T.

Sheep

[there]

ladyslipper,
sorry this has prompted your thread here, but am still glad to see yourname.

Being yelled at was the subject of my main PTSD flashback. Verbal abuse is no small thing. You didn't deserve this extreme crap. You deserve to feel productive in a peaceful workplace.

I can identify with not feeling at ease with a T who is very direct. My current T did that a while back and she's usually not that way. It's caused a rift and I've told her that. I haven't been to an appt. for a while, mulling over options.

A T can be excellent and just not the fit for you. Just because someone is being direct, it doesn't mean you are weak or at fault for questioning its helpfulness to you. Actually, you being an aware client. It's always your prerogative to weigh value and options.

[ladysslipper]

Thank you everyone

It's seems strange coming back and a part of me is a bit reluctant. I really thought I was done with the crap from my past. I have just learned that I still have a ways to go. I hate to dig into things again I was doing so well and really felt I was moving forward in life. Not so much anymore.

In the past two weeks I have discovered that my past abuse has infected every portion of my life. Every relationship I have every had platonic or romantic. For years I really believed it was just the romantic ones that were infected. Now I know different and my stomach has been in knots every since. I know I need to dig in and work on things again but god I am afraid of how much it might mess up the progress I have made in other parts of my life (ie: financial).

I had t today. It was only the 3rd time I have seen this t and before today I was not sure if I was going to stay with her. I feel differently now. I like her she gets me and my little one in ways I didn't think anyone would ever understand. She has been there. Last week my gut said run as fast as you can she is no good (I think that was my little one)at the same time another part was saying give her a chance she might be good for you (and this was the adult).

When I was leaving today t told me to let the little one have a tantrum or fall apart or buy her some flowers whatever she needs. She talked to the little one today at least she tried to. The second she tired to the little one put up the walls. I guess I do have a long ways to go. I have come so far I thought I was done. Don't know what I was thinking.

[Harmony]

Dear Ls,

Our life story certainly affect every aspect of our lives. It is a matter of whether it defines and controls our life that is the difference. It is wise to return for a tune up if you feel the past tugging too hard on today. I think the idea of leaving this all behind like it never existed is not realistic. Maybe that is too harsh but it rings true in my own life. I have come to accept it rather than leave it. I will never be "done" with it. It will always be a sore spot but it is healing.

An analogy (not perfect)
Kind of like my broken wrist from 10 years ago. At first I thought I will never be able to use it again. Now that although is well healed aches sometimes in super cold weather or change in barometric pressure. I will always have triggers too for my CSA scars too. My abuse history is sad it is a bummer but is more now like my arm. I sure wish I had never broken it but what can I do now? The CSA scar is way more tender than the arm. So you are right this isn't a perfect analogy. Still it gets me thinking in the right direction.

with all support,
Harmony

[recover]

hi ladyslipper, good to see you back although sorry you are struggling.
i like what harmony had to say.
just offering support.
recover