still going on

This is a place for old members to come and share how their healing journeys have progressed.
Its also a place for those members to reconnect and share their experiences.

Moderators: Harmony, ajei

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VAC
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Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:20 am

I would like more time.....I sometimes have to war to retain contact with the people around me. I am perceived as pre-occupied and rude.

I drift from them to take the the same thread of conversation that we had hours or days earlier.

It has been beastly hot here, up to 108.

How I once loved the sun and heat...it was life to me. A way to feel life. I could not stand the indoors.

Soon I will regain contact with someone whose thread I abandoned a long, long time ago.....me.

I would like to shoot through the layers of time like an armor-piercing shell, and emerge on the other side of a continuum of what I guess is bookmarking of some sort.

There I would find the me that has been locked away and is emerging. I have been convicted of the absolute necessity of getting away from the ancestor worship that permeated the dying embers of my family.

I often walk or drive in my dreams--it is an odd sleep that is not really sleep, but is. Perhaps I will get there one day soon.

Do I prefer care and anxiety to careless apathy? No......
Last edited by Harmony on Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changed MT to NT no worries

VAC
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Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:22 am

Have gone onto chat many times but no one seems to be there.
Last edited by Anonymous on Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changed Mt to NT

Truth teller
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Re: still going on

Post by Truth teller » Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:33 am

VAC,

I am still around the grounds here. Thinking of you my friend. Hope you and your family are well. Catch you in chat sometime.

your old friend,
Tt

Gizmo

Re: still going on

Post by Gizmo » Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:45 am

Vac

There is a thread at the top of the open forum where members often write to say they are going into chat. I suggest you do the same, that way if members who use chat are online, they can see that somebody is in there.

VAC
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Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Fri Jul 13, 2012 4:15 am

Hello,

Thanks Gizmo for the info.

Truth Teller, I was in the Seattle area for nearly two weeks. I have been there many times before, but it was cold and I was busy.

It was clear and everything was blooming. We were stunned by the beauty and also the peace that assailed us. I did something very out of synch for me and slept for two days off and on when we arrived. We stood at a waterfall and nearly cried at the beauty. I am very moisture, color, and light senstive.

We went to the ocean and were swathed in mist for an hour. Although we were in Washington, I knew Oregon must be similar--no wonder you love it so.

I am still trying to put the trip into perspective.

Next time, whales.....

VAC
Member
Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:03 pm

Amazed at images and memories--mostly a benign collage these days. I am specifically remembering books I read and movies I watched as a boy that were not positive influences. Besides this, there are images of events, some frozen, some in motion, knowing how they impacted me, what I believed about it, and how deeply I tucked it away.

I have often wondered if what I call sleep really is. I know when I am deep asleep, but other times I am traveling or fighting--it is an inbetween place of awareness.

I suspect more, but don't dig. If it comes, it comes, but uncoaxed by me.

I am truly in awe I was not institutionalized as a child....I was so messed up. On the plus side of not having been, I would have remembered sooner. It would have been death.

"There is nothing you can't do if you apply yourself....you are not performing according to your potential"---I wonder how many times that was spoken to me?

No body understood that I just went away. A quiet place.
Last edited by Harmony on Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changed from MT to NT see below

VAC
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Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Fri Aug 03, 2012 5:54 am

I had an odd experience in a public place recently. It was a pleasant setting--music. I was in the middle of it.

I was with old friends, some of whom I had not seen for a long time.

It was a very happy time for me.

Out of nowhere I, began to weep for my parents. It was not mourning, but I realized how much I miss them and love them.

They were such tragic, noble, broken, driven people.

I dare to love them--it does not make me feel week or stupid.

They are gone, their last deeds done.

No one but me knew what was happening--I was in the middle of music: I helped make more.

A lot of quilt left me.

I am not afraid to love.
Last edited by Harmony on Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changed from MT to NT

Harmony
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Re: still going on

Post by Harmony » Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:12 am

VAC,

Changed the trigger warning to No trigger because your words are heart felt not likely to trigger.

It is always good to hear your clear honest voice,

Harmony

VAC
Member
Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC » Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:50 am

Harmony,

Thank you. I need a clear, honest voice in several arenas right now.

V.
Last edited by Harmony on Sun Aug 05, 2012 5:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: changed MT to NT cause there aren't triggers present in this post

maggiegirl
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Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:01 am

Re: still going on

Post by maggiegirl » Sun Aug 05, 2012 5:41 am

Never, never, never give up. Those who have suffered carry the potential of a great gift---it has tapped into something most others never activate. We feel the burdens of others and are empaths on some level. Don't be afraid. Heal so that you can become a healer. I do not fear the pain any longer.

This is one of the most wonderful posts I have read and should give us all hope!!

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