Priceless

[earthhorse]

Just thinking today about an artist I knew who made the most incredibly beautiful sculptures. And the whole notion that we have to be better, be getting better or untroubled to be priceless. Or have to somehow defer being truly ourselves to when we are self-actualized. I wrote this poem in memory of Bre.


Yes I am special
I am the one that saw and knew you mattered
I have been there when you made those lovely works
So exact so beautiful and watched you storm
And drink and self-destruct
I see myself in your mad heroism
Your swings from fundamental religions
Today I will not say that I am as grand as you
As accomplished
As driven as wild
But I see your power
And you help me recognize it in me
Posthumously, in your memory
The power to tell a larger than life story
The power to make messes
And still be so controlled dedicated
Fiercely loved even as you terrified us
It does not contradict one another
I do not have to become better to
Be special
Priceless, inspiring
I need to turn recovery off and live
I wish I had more of your abandon
Instead of feeling like the rat living dead in the gutter
Waking up every day with a hangover
Not because I have been drinking
Or dropping shots of whiskey in my beer
Like you
But hungover on degradation and shame
Scared of my own shadow, to go outside
I need you now to remember
That you felt so deeply and so terribly
That you were about to die
In your presence, we were only ever the audience
But you are now a part of myself
Even as you destroyed yourself
You were fiercely on your own side
And so, I will be on mine

[reisha]

wow, {EARTHHORSE!}

thats sum powerful stuff!!!

[recover]

((((((((((((((((((((((earthhorse))))))))))))))))))))))

[1000miles]

Beautiful.