Grief of an Ideal

[Wellness]

GRIEF OF AN IDEAL

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It is possible to grieve for an ideal, thats what I do - so I know that it is real.

Everytime I feel sad, alone, unloved or unsure. I wish for an answer or even a cure.

I wish for a Mum I could call and say, “hey Mum Im not feeling so good today”.

“Do you think we could catch up for coffee after?” Then when we we end up in laughter. But if its not a happy time, she’ll see my face and read the signs. For Im her daughter and she surely knows, she’s seen my highs and my lows. She takes my hand and says “my dear, I always have a listening ear”.


I see mums and daughters everyday. I hear my friends when they say - Im going to Mums later on for tea. Or Mum and I have been so busy.  I pass them in the grocery aisle, loading their trollies side by side. I wish for something that looks the same. To my own Mum I am just a game. To my father I was much much more, sex to have on bed on floor. To my brother and sister Im a pillar of strength, they’ll lean on me at any length..


I grew up, I got away, I even married. I've got a family and two boys I have carried.

I went to detox, Ive had surgery, in therapy I have been. I went to school, studied nursing, there is not much I havent seen.


But there’s something that's always been missing from my life. The absence of a role model on how to mother, daughter and wife. That strong female connection who is part of your own blood. The one who would save you from fire or from flood. The one you know has always got your back. The one thing I needed in my life was “an advocate”.


Someone who stood tall and said NO MORE. She barged right in and clobbered him from behind that closed door. She scooped me high up in her arms and took me far away. The police and her, they put his arse in jail. We made a new life and she never turned her back when she was needed. She felt my pain when I hurt and the joy when I succeeded.


When my grades were low, or I didnt know just what to do. She was the one on my side to help me get through. After all she gave me birth - she gets me like no other. She's the one thing I always wanted in my life, the ideal - my own ‘Mother’.

[Fleur]

Hello Wellness

Welcome to iSurvive

Thank you for sharing such a beautifully written, thought provoking poem

I'm really sorry you haven't had a "good enough" mother

Very happy for your success in family life, education and I'm sure a whole lot more

Wishing you very well in all respects