Long ago

[hidden voices]

It first went wrong many years ago,
40 I think, don't know for sure.
Cannot remember a time without pain,
Our first memories marred by fear and grief.

That young child never innocent was
Inside our mind she is a whore.
It is her fault that we were hurt,
She wanted love at any price.

When I hold my children today,
I feel her pain inside my mind.
Feel her longing to be held,
It causes pain for both of us.

For there's another part inside
Who holds our children and has wants,
Longs to harm, abuse and worse,
Longs to give them to the Circle.

It is this part who can't be trusted,
The reason why I distance us,
Endure the torture of hospital stays,
To keep them safe, away from me.

What is the answer I just don't know,
Who is right and who is wrong
Dare I ever go back home and show them love
Without fear of harming them?

Can we ever purge this soul
Can we ever be washed clean,
Be forgiven for our childhood sins,
The answer I'm afraid to know.

I fear the worst,
That we are condemned
To forever pay for what was done
By them and us,
Both now and then.
There is no resolution or end
Must always bear the pain of sin.
We can never be forgiven.

[lsnp]

Dearest Hidden Voices,

So many feelings with not adequate words. So sorry you have to feel this and wonder. Thank you for the poetry, for giving voice to the pain.

lsnp