I am not me

[Icarus]

Rip open my head
and empty out what's inside.
I'm not what you wanted me to be
Never had a chance to breathe and live.
I wanted a life that was free and mine
instead im imprisoned in my own head.
Wearing a mask that not many see behind
its the only way that I can hide and not be seen
I fear for whats on the inside,
To afraid to let it out completely
Drip drip drip like a tap,
but nothing gets done
Still the freak that I was moulded into
Never allowed to be
Blamed for everything
ignored and never listened to
I screamed for help and it fell on deaf ears
I fought to keep my head above water
But for what?
Still left to struggle on day after day
Used, abused and spat out
The thorn in your side,
Did you even notice me?
Or was I invisible and forgotten
Never better always worse,
What was inside me tore me apart
But you saw nothing!!
I was your child but you werent there
Why? Why leave me to rot,
You knew and yet you did nothing.
Pretended it was all ok,
laughed in all the right places,
Smiled at the right people,
made excuses for me, hid behind the lies
You couldve stopped it but you did nothing.
The power was in your hands,
but I was all alone.
12 years of hell at his hands
5 years of complete depravity
yet still you did nothing.
So here I am today,
A shell of what i couldve been
Still have nightmares,
Still feel, smell, hear and taste
But i want none of it
I want it gone
I cant live with this inside of me
Dont want my head
Sick of these images
Repulsed by the scenes
Pornographic images in which Im the star
Rip open my head
Empty out whats inside
Free me
Cure me
Let me go.....

Icarus

[Out of the Ashes]

So powerful. I feel so much of what you wrote here. I am so sorry for your pain but please know you are not alone in the pit of sorrows. Thank you so much for sharing a piece of you.

Ash

[MayaSantiago]

I think your poem is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

[birdygirl]

Wow Icarus - very moving & personal . Thanks so much for sharing it. Brought tears to my eyes.
Very well written & heart felt .

[Grace]

Such grief and pain - I am so sorry.