My partner and I

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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Josefin
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Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 1:51 am

Hi everyone. I'm new. Me and my partner both have a story of child abuse behind us, where he had more severe than I. We both have parents that are narcissistic and psychopathic. I moved to his country to be with him. We've so far been together for six years. For eight months ago, he started to have headaches especially, recently, stomach pains, or, just plain tiredness. He works a lot too. Since were spiritual, he believes that the headaches are beams coming in his head from UFO. Well, before it's debunk, we've seen, and experienced a lot that way. As I've said, were spiritual. So to me, it couldn't be completely debunked, even though, I take it with some salt. He's feeling strongly, how it comes in his head. He had headaches when he met me too. He also had more problems with himself when he met me. We've done a lot of work, and I've been able to help and support, since I've had the same similar parents.

For eight months, I've been sitting all alone in the house, waiting for whenever he had the time to socialise. It's been less and less because of headaches, pain, his bad back, tiredness or, just feeling bad. As you can tell, it's been a lot, and we barely see eachother anymore. Which he doesn't agree to, "because I know the reasons and how it is". I say the effects are the same, me all alone staring at the wall. And no, I don't have any friends, since I moved to another country. I recently started a new job, unfortunately, I was bullied by the manager that trained us, and I'm still not recovered and had a lot of stress. Same time, I'm spiritual and that's where my interests are, so far, I haven't met any like minded, or would easily do either, since we don't have a car. No car, staring at the wall, no friends. All friends I have are online or back home.
There's nothing wrong though, I'm very social and haven't experienced any trouble getting friends. But I have been betrayed a lot and my family as well.. Yes I can join whatever but then, money has been an issue. And no car. Plus the hard thing to find like minded. Also, to have to start my life on scratch, with no support. Well, he's tried, but as you see...

I'm all alone spent my New Year's Eve crying trying to talk to him. I didn't got much out of that. He tried to reason and use logic when I was sad and cried. He tried to explain the reasons I've mentioned. Thinking I was blaming him, and saying he's wrong. It's a big trigger for him. I got no Hugh. When he after a long time touched my leg I shy away hurt. Feeling completely alone. It ended with that I said that it's unreasonable, to let me just live isolated without any contact, not even seeing him. He goes direct to bed after he got home, for some reason he pulls through at work. Pain in back, have to lay, or headache. He always sleeps in. Same next day, and next. If I'm lucky I see him a few hours here and there. For Christmas I wouldn't seen him at all, if it hadn't been for me crying and complaining. He pulled through two days, then back to the same! But not saying much.
Here for new year I've bought food. It's not even been made.

I'm so alone. I wonder what to do.

fight4me
Member
Posts: 919
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:22 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by fight4me » Fri Jan 01, 2016 2:08 am

Hi josefin
Welcome I am sorry for the situation
Glad you are reaching out here

I don't have many words right now but has your partner had any
Counselling it could be a way to go

Just wanted to Say welcome and keep reaching out

We can sit and I will give you some tissues

Fight4me

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 3:05 am

Thanks, no one can live like this, even if I managed to somehow make friends that suits me I would still be quite alone, as soon as I got home. I also do everything in the home. Sure he helps, and doesn't mind doing things, it's more they never get done for same reason. I suffer health issues beforehand so that's not easy on me either. I'm sane as hell mentally but I start to fear I'm loosing it if this continues. And I need my energy and so on to deal with my own. The country I relocated to doesn't invite for friendships, it's very hard to get to know ppl. Especially when you don't drink, drug or smoke, and are highly spiritual. Not better. Just different.

He tried one counsellor a few times, he ended up being a bad counsellor that betrayed his trust. He dealt with him fine though. When he pulls it through his mind is top class sharp. Very intelligent and knows how to. Another one after that, went one time, then finances made it impossible. It all depends on when they get better. As we've been living on the edge.
So here we sit..

I made myself something to eat and had to have meds and get fell asleep on me, just like that in the middle of convo. Is it really too much for me to ask to that he at least tries to not just let me sit and rot?

Jonesy
Director
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Posts: 11034
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Jonesy » Fri Jan 01, 2016 9:51 am

HI Josefin

I am glad to see you reaching out here for support as things really do sound difficult for you. Keep writing, we are listening.
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 3:05 pm

I don't know what to do about it with him? What can be the reason? I'll eventually get friends, one way or another, after all it is hard when you're in a foreign country where people are closed in and you're not 20 anymore. Or, if I move back. But what's going on with him? He is dead hard on that it's headache and development in his brain. Well, some areas in the brain has gone for the better. And yes, he has gone better, like I said. But how can I approach this??
As it is now, he's in his room, again, laying in bed. As usual. Whenever I get up I feel that it's no use to get in to him, he's not coming up anyway. It feels like I have it better too in bed. But I do get up though. He used that one too on me last night, that I sleep long. Well, with health conditions yes. Or I wouldn't be able to make it at all. But it does very a lot. But when I wake up early, he's not there! Were really good though, not using things on eachother, or use any Manipulations or blame, or guilt or critisising. We don't run like that. We've grown away from that long ago. So what he said wasn't that, but more of like it's not fair. I don't know what to do with him! How can I approach this? I feel very sad and it hurts. He's completely blown me the whole holidays.
Last edited by Jonesy on Sat Jan 02, 2016 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 3:33 pm

I sits right in my own abuse, from my parents, narcissistic psychopathic mother, and enabling narc father.
Last edited by Jonesy on Sat Jan 02, 2016 6:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 7:07 pm

As for today, I haven't seen him. I briefed into his room and he was seemingly laying there looking like he was in pain, either if it was the stomach, or head. He clearly suffers constipation too. But I'm changing the diet, including more Vegs. But can't really force it down his throat either. He said to me that don't I understand.. Does he have to repeat to me what he's said so many tines before.. It's nothing serious.. He's just in pain..it will be like that.. There's nothing he can do..it comes and goes, up and down... And so forth. He said yes it has consequences for you.. Then he just repeats himself!

He's laying there, like he's in some sort of pain, where ever it is. Mattress completely twisted and face in pain, seems like stomach us too. After a while, he seems to get relief, only to start again.
Not long ago, he was ill, laying at the bathroom floor, throwing up, and chest pain, lots of headache and weak voice, trouble with throat and stomach pain too. My medical background told me it could be everything from stroke to lungs. But it faded, and next day he felt better, but weak. Day after he was like nothing. Then he told me he's had it before, many times. Making me believe it's the usual problems.

It's gone do bad that I don't see him more than four tines a month, I just counted. Anyone knows what's going on? I don't trust his definitions. I'm at loss what to do.

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 7:10 pm

He insists it's the reasons I've said in the start, and refuses therefore any doctors, and said many tines he knows his own body. I am just sitting here, bored like hell. Well, I could take the Xmas stuff down but I'm feeling apathic and don't have any joy in anything.

fight4me
Member
Posts: 919
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:22 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by fight4me » Fri Jan 01, 2016 9:22 pm

Hi josefin

Just wanted to send some support

I don't have many words right now but stay strong

It might be worth you talking to a doctor to get some ADV sorry I can't be more helpful

Fight4me

Josefin
Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:02 pm

Re: My partner and I

Post by Josefin » Fri Jan 01, 2016 11:07 pm

Yeah I think I look for some therapist or counsellor but he needs one too.. I looked in to him again, he sat in front of the sink pouring warm water over his head, shivering! Pain going through his body. I have to say, during his abuse, he was dropped as a baby on a hard stone floor, and he was bleeding and not taken to the hospital. Just one form of the abuse. They did it consciously. He's been kicked with steel boots many meters as a toddler, for having some cereal(he was starved during his whole childhood and had a stomach that looked like the children in Africa, and the parents spent all their money on themselves, and they had a lot of money) and he landed in a open area where his head bumped hard in to a steel block. As it wasn't enough, he fell down from a high tree, and broke his back, loosing concsiousness, but came back. He say he didn't know how me managed to walk to the nearby farm house. But he did. He never got help either with hospital even though he told them.
That's just some of what he's been through. He's been beaten, screamed at, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse from his uncle. Thankfully, never fulfilled, but, tried. So he has a lot. I've tried to be there for him as much I can, and he's healed a lot, just processing. Put many pieces to place. We've talked a lot about narcissists. I discovered as well that my mother is one, with psychopathic traits.
My own abuse, I was physically abused by my elder brother through ever since I was three years old. I've been beaten in my stomach, my face, you name it. I've been bullied a lot by him, and by my mother. My mother encouraged his abuse. She did nothing to stop it. My father threatened me on her command, but he never hit me until it all culminated, when I was twelve years old, and on my mothers commands as she was watching it all, looking me straight in the eyes. She's always enjoyed seeing me suffer. I suspect she's a sadist. Narcissists and psychopath are that way. Q
My father never protected me from her, but that time he beat me badly 89 whip lashes with my riding whip, since I used to ride horses. I was so severely brused the doctor was shocked. My brother strangled me, well he's strangled me before, but this time it was serious. If he had moved only an inch, I would've been dead. I had to play dead, in order for him to loosen his grip on me. I fell to the floor playing dead as best I could. I was so afraid for my life. I didn't wanna die.
Then my mother told them, my brother and my father, who had watched, to go to the kitchen to eat and have a break. That was my chance to flee, and I took it. Sneaking out through the back door with my coat and shoes in my hand, terrified. Absolutely petrified. Any moment they could come behind me, and grab me back, and I knew for sure I would've died then. They would've beat me to death.

I escaped, sneaking my way on the pebble stones where my bike was, biked thirty minutes to my school teacher, who had told me if I had trouble to come to her. She said she's suspected something, but wasn't sure. She took me in without any questions, fed me and put me to bed. She and my best friend, who I stayed with later, and her mother, helped me until I could come away from home. I went to court. Even the psychologists that talked to my mother said she has no empathy at all, and no understanding for me or my situation, never wanting me to grow up giving me too small clothes, no situation feeling at all. She visited me, when I didn't lived home, and played nice. I never forget the day my evil brother tried to visit me. I've said beforehand that if he showed up, I didn't want him to come in, so I was protected and he was told if he ever comes again, he would meet the police.
The court case .. My mother blamed my father and got away completely. My brother never got any punishment they said he was too young. He was 19 at that point. When he abused me he was 18. My father got three months, got out after one for good behaviour, and that was that. If there was any reimbursement, my mother took it. I never saw anything.

I moved back to my mother when I turned 15. Yes, I know, but I had to go through some things, I felt I lost my home and my mother and I had to recoup. Get some things back. And I met my beats friend who was a very good friend to me for some years. So I had many friends, and wasn't home a lot. Shortly said I got back some normalcy. That's what I needed. I might've developed problems I feel if I hadn't.
( I had the child psychologists word for that I was not damaged in any way) wounds, well who can escape wounds from having grown up with a narc mother that never showed she cared.
My mother didn't received child support in my country when I turned 18, so then she throwned me out. She wanted money for me to stay. Never mind that I was studying. I was going to have a summer job but it hadn't started yet when she did. I had to have help from the authorities and before that I found myself a room, and I lived with my best friend and her mother in their house in the basement before that. Coming to them crying my heart out.
When my mother recieved money from the authorities she was all nice nice again specially since they had the eyes on her.

She found a msn that stood up for me, and when he did, she kicked him out. My brother still lived at home til he was 24 years old! He was the golden child. Me, the scape goat.
I have another brother only one year younger than the eldest, him my mother kicked out when he was 15 and he wasn't allowed back, and never given a explanation why. But today, he's compromised and blames for the children, since he's married with children, and he puts up with her domineering him totally and believes everything she says about me, and that's a lot of evil gossip, so they freeze me out for holidays. My mother makes sure of that.

My evil brother is stil the same, I've tested the waters, but he's the same. But he moved very far away got married and had a son. He doesn't seem to bother much with my mother.
My mother found a man she treats like she treated my father, and domineering him totally and takes all his money and his past farm too.
She's turned him into be against me, and agreeing to her abuse to me which she's still trying to pull off. Now it's mentally and verbally and emotionally. I keep away from her and on a very very low contact. She keeps on repeating trying to pump me for questions about my life, and demands a photo of us. All the time. I don't even answer.

When I was ill and had a bronchitial inflammation and went to hospital, she asked me if I had gained weight now I've been to the hospital, because that's what you do, when you are there. Due to the food. Then, she wanted to know, how on earth I was going to pay for the stay. Then, she sent an evil news clip about people that were obese (I'm not, I do have some but I am changing my lifestyle to vegan and exercise) and they contracted asthma and diabetes. How cruel.
When I got homeless, she asked me about my things, that I had to have my things, and that I can't do like that. Then, she bussed my second brother on me saying the same things. No I'm not homeless, my partner saved me. But if it hadn't been for him.. (Circumstances outside my control)
So you see.. Evil families.

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