My friend was in an emotionally abusive relationship

[Unbreakable_Heart]

Hello everyone I need some advice. My friend was in a relationship with a guy for years and recently they broke up. He blames her for everything and puts her down saying "she wasn't good enough." The problem is she already had low self esteem issues. She believes him that she should have changed for him and that the relationship ending is all her fault. I had told her before that he was being emotionally abusive but she always says "No its my fault for not being good enough for him. I should have tried harder."
My question is what can I do to help? I just all honestly feel lost and like I don't know what to do.

[facingmytruth]

I don't really hav any advice other than to keep reassuring her ,I think when someone hears horrible things said about them eventually we begin to believe them,but hearing positive things regularly by ppl that have no reason to lie to us we can eventually begin to believe those too.and begin to realise all the horrible things that were said are untrue hope that makes sense I guess its going to take time though .sending much support to you and your friend.

[the husband]

Hi Unbreakable-Heart

She seems to have a lot of negative thoughts about herself, and it sounds as if he amplifies them. I don't know that you alone are going to convince her that she deserves anything better than what she had.

Since you are asking for advice: One thought is to encourage her to seek counseling "to be better in a relationship" or something like that. Then steer her toward a reputable counselor. Any good counselor is going to pick right up on what's happening and may be able to help her revise her goals.

You may want to be careful about what you say about the boyfriend - there's a very good chance she'll head back to him and it could become an issue between you.

[Jonesy]

Hi Unbreakable_Heart

Sorry your friend is going through this right now but very glad you are there for her.
If the boyfriend openly criticises her as 'wasn't good enough' then I wonder what his definition of 'good enough' actually is? That may help her in breaking through his expectations.
Changing ourselves simply to please another does not seem to be a good recipe for long term success, in my opinion.