What to do

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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iwillthrive
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What to do

Post by iwillthrive » Tue Oct 16, 2018 6:57 am

What do you do when the one you love won’t advocate for themselves? When they won’t seek the help they need?

Edited 1x spelling
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Harbor
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Re: What to do

Post by Harbor » Tue Oct 16, 2018 7:16 am

Hi iwillthrive

That's a tough situation. Pushing tends not to work. People tend to become increasingly resistant, often pointing to our pushing as a reason for their avoidant behavior. If they are to advocate for themselves, the motivation needs to come from within.

The question is then how to motivate our love ones to care enough for themselves to get what they need? I think it depends on the individual. Could they be be helped to see that they deserve better? Could they be guided to see new possibilities? Are we enabling them too much - perhaps protecting them from discomfort that would be eased by seeking help?
"'Safe Harbor' is a state of mind... it's the place - in reality or metaphor - to which one goes in times of trouble or worry. It can be a friendship, marriage, church, garden, beach, poem, prayer, or song." -Luanne Rice

wolfspirit
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Re: What to do

Post by wolfspirit » Mon Oct 22, 2018 3:52 am

Such a hard place to be- know that someone we love needs support but won't seek it.
I have been in that place many times with my sisters and a close friend.
They eventually sought support, but they had to get to a place of severe pain and nowhere to turn. I think its what happened with me, too.
I had to hold on to the reality that I could not control anything in their lives. I could only be there when they could accept support from me. And I had to maintain boundaries with how much help I could offer to protect myself from adding to my own pain.
My t helped me during those times.
Maybe it is something you can do with yours?

hugs,

ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

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