A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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Jonesy
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Jonesy » Wed Aug 22, 2018 6:12 pm

Hi the husband and Fleur

I just wanted to say how much I value reading your interactions
You are important
Email: jonesy@hush.com

the husband
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Mon Aug 27, 2018 5:15 am

:)

the husband
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Fri Aug 31, 2018 8:18 am

I've been thinking about this recent event with my wife, and I think what really sent it off the rails was the fact that I was annoyed with her at the time we tried to process it. Her experience of my anger is very different than mine (or the kids) and she goes deep into defensive mode. I think it has to do with the volatile household she grew up in. I felt it was safe to process because she asked and because I felt that I was able to be thoughtful about it, but I realize now that we needed to "be okay" for a while before successfully processing. I could have let it go for the night and come back to it the next day. As it is now the whole thing is distorted for her.

Fleur
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Fleur » Sat Sep 01, 2018 11:13 am

Hello the husband


We can only learn from past - and seems to me you are taking responsibility for yourself as well as understanding your wife's perspective.

I guess there's not much you can do now about this particular episode. Must be very difficult to feel like you could have waited - as a human being, you are imperfect yet striving to be best possible husband and parent.

Tomorrow (Sunday) is Father's Day here. Even if incorrect timing for your part of the world, may you enjoy your weekend and know that you are a great leader of your household.
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

the husband
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Sun Sep 02, 2018 7:55 pm

Thank you, Fleur.

You're right - there's nothing else to be done in this situation except for me to learn from it and try to do better next time. One thing I try to model is that one can sincerely apologize for a mistake, or for something that they could have done better, without accepting the blame for the entire issue. It is a rare fight where one person is completely blameless. Even if somebody accepts responsibility, I try to chime in with something I wish I had done differently. It makes apologizing more palatable, I think.

Fleur
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Fleur » Sun Sep 02, 2018 9:21 pm

Appreciate your sharing the husband. Recently did something very different in a discussion. Just registered the change was imitating you - accepting my part in the problem, listening to them, attempting to find suitable compromise. Think everyone involved went away feeling OK. So thank you
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

the husband
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Tue Sep 04, 2018 3:46 am

You are too kind! Congrats for being able to forge a new path. I'm careful to avoid being either too stingy with owning something I could have done better, or to be too quick to own something that's perhaps a shared responsibility.

Xanthia
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Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Xanthia » Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:41 pm

Hi the husband,

Been reading some of your responses to various people and popped in to thank you for expressing balanced thoughtful views in support for members.

May all be well with you.

With care,
Xanthia

the husband
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Posts: 456
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Fri Oct 12, 2018 12:48 am

Oh! Thank you, Xanthia. As you can see from this thread, a lot of people have been here for me when I needed it. I'm happy to reach out when I can.

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