I don't think I want kids.....

Discussion area for adult survivors who are afraid they might hurt others physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or verbally. Also an area for those who have harmed someone physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or verbally and want to heal. Sexual addiction can also be discussed.

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Kittylover
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Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2015 1:31 am

I don't think I want kids.....

Post by Kittylover » Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:28 pm

because I feel like their just to easy to screw up
it's pretty easy to not psychically or sexually abuse your children
but when you grew up in an emotionally abusive household you're not sure how not to emotionally abuse them
I think I'll just have a ridiculous amount of kittens or something when I have a house of my own....

janea
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Posts: 36
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 5:13 am

Re: I don't think I want kids.....

Post by janea » Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:48 pm

I never wanted kids. I don't know if it's because of my childhood or because I lack that drive or something else or some combination. But I often thought it was good that I didn't want kids, because then I wouldn't continue a cycle of abuse. I'm in my late 30s now, I'm most likely infertile, but don't take risks, I have no regrets about not having children, and despite what everyone told me when I was younger that "biological clock" never started ticking.

fightinback
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Posts: 614
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:36 pm

Re: I don't think I want kids.....

Post by fightinback » Fri Sep 11, 2015 11:02 pm

Hi kittylover

Your decision is yours to have and you have every right. I just wanted to give the other side of the story.

Some abuse survivors make the absolute BEST parents, because we KNOW what it's like to be abused. Most kids are pretty resilient. Despite my past, and my ex husbands continued emotional abuse throughout my son's life, my son has grown up to be warm, empathic, intelligent, loving, kind, gentle, supportive kid... and I wouldn't change any of it. I have had so many wonderful comments from the moment he was born, to the present day, from nurses, doctors, teachers, friends, other kids, police officers, shop keepers, bank workers(!) etc etc... with comments from "he is a joy to teach" to "he is a pleasure to have around" and "a wonderful kid".

I believe, whatever the history, there are different types of people. Some people just don't understand that unkind words hurt. Some people are extremely sensitive that the littlest thing hurts deeply. Despite my history, I have chosen not to abuse my son because he is so precious, and deserves not to have the life that I had.
FB Delicately changing my name because I don't need to fight anymore.

Be true to yourself
Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it

Harmony
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Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: I don't think I want kids.....

Post by Harmony » Sat Sep 12, 2015 12:48 am

The good news is you don't have to make the decision today. This is something that you are in charge of in your life. If no kids are your choice it is yours to decide. If later on you want kids then make it so. There is no "have to" here.

Relax and enjoy your kittens for now. Right now this sounds right to you.

With you today and in the present moment,
Harmony

recover
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Posts: 16203
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: I don't think I want kids.....

Post by recover » Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:21 am

hi kittylover,
i agree with what others have said...this is your decision, only you know what is best for you.

i have a similar experience to fight4me...because of my own history, i made choices to be the mother i always wanted. and despite serious problems, i have been a good mom and i know that. it is what i am most proud of. i found mothering to be very healing for me. and my daughter and son have never been abused or neglected and are doing well. unlike me, they know that there is someone in this world who is there for them always...their mom. i never had that and it is healing and comforting for me that i could do that for them.

supporting you in whatever decision is right for you.
warmly,
recover

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