Not good at this

[Diver]

I think I was doomed from the start. I feel like I should never have had my son because he is doomed now too. I don't want to blame my problems on anybody else, how I behave is my responsibility. I just don't know how to behave.
I'm not a good mommy. I take care of the basics okay, but I don't seem to be capable of much else. I am starting to see that I am probably doing a lot of the same things my mom did to me. Ignoring, yelling, shaming. Mean, selfish. Downright scary. I've been so unaware of it, and still am. I just don't know what to do, I have a great T, I just feel like I am not moving fast enough and that things are only getting worse. My son is 2 1/2 now, I know it seems silly to think I've already damaged him beyond repair but everything I've read says the first couple years are the most important and I know how I was to him.
It's very hard to talk about.

[facingmytruth]

the fact your writing this post shows what a caring mum you really are.i think we over critisise ourselves because we are constantly reminded of how we were brought up and put so much pressure on ourselves to be better.at the end of the day we are only human and all any child needs is to know they are loved,which your post shows your love for your child.please be kind to yourself and know ppl here care.

[Harmony]

Dear Diver,

I agree with fmt, you care and that is the difference. You are not a failure. You have the strong desire to do better. That is the difference between you and your FOO. You see yourself and your misbehavior as evidence of another difference.

There is no way you can be a perfect parent if you don't have a clue what that looks or feels like. My best guess is to find people out there who are the kind of parent you have always wanted and wanted to be. Follow the leader. Do as the good parents do. One truth is that love is never wasted on a child.

The steps to change are thinking differently, feeling differently and acting differently than the past generation. You are already thinking differently. You are on your way.

Good job,
Harmony

[Jonesy]

Hi Diver

I know this is hard to talk about and I completely understand.

I wish I could turn the clock back too, in some ways, where my eldest is concerned.
Your son is NOT doomed and neither are you. It's all about training yourself in how to handle the 'moment' - and I know just how difficult that is.

Please know that it is NEVER too late.

[Diver]

thank you for your support everybody

[Jonesy]

Hi Diver

How was your yesterday?

[Diver]

My husband hardly looks at me or talks to me. We went to karaoke last night. He just seems miserable to be with me. I'm miserable too. It hurts when he ignores me. It makes me want to get further away from him.