Hi guys,
If a kid cries it's because they're frustrated. If they aren't finding something being addressed, that's when the crying kicks in. It could be either something they need--food, changing, the obvious stuff, or something they want--to be acknowledged, to have something, a toy, a shiny object. Of the things they want, there could be several possibilities--something they can have or something that they shouldn't have because we (adults) know that it's not for children, or something we might not want them to have at the moment which is for children, just that they may have found a game for it that WE as adults don't find to be a good idea at the moment. Like a throwing game for a big hard toy. Even the smartest toddler doesn't have an agenda, because they just cannot. I think in maybe trying not to assign motives to their behaviors, that could be one of the ways it could keep adult frustration levels in check. As in avoiding thinking "this kid is just doing this because..." I've seen a number of kids this age and the approach of the adult makes a big difference. If a kid is throwing something hard and dangerous, give them a small stuffed toy and let them throw that instead. Throw it back and try to turn it into a game of catch--those are just some of the ideas for possible redirects of a kid's attention. If they occasionally figure out the mechanics of actually catching the thing there can be much delight in that on their parts as well as the adults. Praise also goes a long way to make a child feel content too. "Wow, you caught one! Good job." Because they're so little their attention can usually pretty easily be turned to something else. For some reason they love to see and hear and shake keys. If they're in the throwing moment they'll throw those too though. But sometimes the moment can be redirected more towards just a shaking the object moment than a throwing one. I'm sorry but an 18 month old cannot be made to sit still or look in someone's eyes because even if it happens, it's not by the child's will, but by the fact that if you sit there long enough doing that, eventually a child will have to look towards someone, but that is not the natural state, and when/if they look that's not going to equate with knowing what you're talking about, they're just looking. If they were going to know what an adult was talking about, it wouldn't have been so hard to get them to look in the first place. They cannot be made to have a memory level that they don't yet have. The reason they start to throw things at an early age is literally to figure out how to make things happen--it's literal cause and effect. And also to see what things look like in motion. If you watch learning babies and toddlers, they drop things repetitively to see them fall, to study how they can be the catalyst for movement. Not to annoy anyone. They just got here and this is an exciting place and there are many things to discover. And when they see they can make things fall, fly, bang, what have you, they will do it. If a child sees an adult react in anger they will try to emulate anger too, and if a child feels frustrated because of being restrained in movement as opposed to redirected, they will often develop angry outbursts as a response. A battle of the wills can have more unintended negative responses than a redirect. I don't mean in a removal from a dangerous situation where a kid has to be moved away from something. They can't be allowed of course near the stove but they will sometimes try to get to it if it hits their attention, not to spite adults but because they don't remember that early yet that stove means danger. It just becomes our job to keep them away from it, as opposed to thinking that telling them about it and then letting them negotiate that on their own will be enough.
If the adult approaches the child in a nurturing way and does not expect the child to safely govern their own play, the child will not be able to get into as much because the adult is keeping the child's play guided and directed. I have a child, I can honestly say I was fortunate never to have these problems, but I did make lots of time to devote to making sure his environment was safe and then I was able to watch and interacted with my child alot, and also my h was able to when he was at home from work as well. They need lots of interaction of a positive nature in their early years especially. And they need supervised play. They cannot just play alone if there are things that can be a danger around because they cannot internalize what is bad for them and what is not, even when "told" and especially not when hit. I personally don't advocate hitting a child at any age but to each his own in that area. I certainly wouldn't advocate tapping or disciplining a child that isn't mine, at all. I think if I heard the child screaming and felt I might react in anger, personally I'd advocate getting the child's mother who claims not to be able to hear it and tell them to go tend to their child. A child of that age playing alone is only going to eventually lead to one mishap after another anyway, unless that child is secured inside a playpen or one of those play fences--it's a huge playpen-like play area without a floor to it, and even still the child needs frequent human interaction on a regular basis, and the play area should really only be used in brief spurts here and there during a day. And even it is no guarantee because kids can walk the one without a floor over to what they want to get at. When I needed to do work around the house, I used to set that play area up in the room I was going to be in if I knew I'd have stretches where I couldn't keep as much of an eye out, and then I'd talk with my child and work, and I'd play in brief moments when I could, and of course my child had the toys in there that were most interesting to him at that moment, and then I'd circulate in other toys too and maybe trying to get the child started on a game by modeling play with a toy could help for a few brief stretches. Like pretending to receive a phone call on a toy phone and then hand it to a child saying "it's for you" can lead to some delightful moments from a child--but of course then they also want to have it be "for you" too and so there's always that.
I would also suggest looking at lots of footage of toddlers on youtube, say, just to see how kids of that age move and interact with the world they are learning about. Find kids that look like they've had alot of interaction. Watch feeding time when they bang spoons. This is giving themselves feedback--"when I bang the spoon it makes a noise, and I also feel it vibrating my hands." They don't know or care, or even remember, that an adult just cleaned the house, that an adult doesn't like something, or might find it annoying, because they don't know anything outside themselves and their needs yet, and their memory is still very short. Their brains aren't physically even fully formed yet. Looking at things through an adult's eyes runs the risk of assigning motives to a little kid that they just do not have. It's the adult's issue about what aggravates the adult, not a toddler's. Remembering that if a toddler could behave as an adult they would be adults and not toddlers could also help to ground the situation. They learn as they grow into more memory permanence, which happens over time and we can only wait, and keep them safe until they do. Telling them what not to do will eventually kick in over time but right now it only sets the stage by repetition of the adult saying it until their cognition catches up with them, over time as they age more. They will eventually begin to associate the words stop with the action of stopping, but right now it's just not going to be consistent. It's a long road with kids, it takes a long time before their brains catch up with their curiosities. There are also a number of books on the topic which could be helpful but I don't know any offhand.
Oh another thought--sometimes, even though they've recently eaten, they could just want more food and become cranky because they're hungry again. We used to always feed until the child loses interest in the food and doesn't want to take more. But sometimes that lasts for a shorter time depending on how active they are at given moments.
