Fleur's 2018 thoughts

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

Moderators: quixote, Ashia, ajei

Post Reply
there
Member
Posts: 5567
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by there » Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:58 pm

Fleur,
It's in the adult learner book I use.I skipped ahead. Just need to adjust to the key of D maj, which has 2 sharps! :lol:
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

Couragetoday
Member
Posts: 5247
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:31 pm

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Couragetoday » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:11 pm

Hi Fleur,

Glad you are finding ways to defer su....pls keep Using any strategies that are helpful.

I am really sorry that you are caught in the current climate of being denied access To potential helpful pain management modalities. As you probably know this strikes a nerve with me also. It’s not right that you have to horde pills for the extra bad days but I completely understand the reasoning.

Also sorry that you were not heard through doctors consult note. This has happened Here also. Sometimes they have actually written about a completely different patient, not realizing the error.
The invalidation when reality is already incredibly hard can feel damaging...perhaps reminds of past experiences too?

Gentle hugs to any of Fleur that may want, esp young ones and 3yo Fleur.

Couragetoday

Fleur
Member
Posts: 12740
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Fleur » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:35 pm

Hello there, F and C sharp, yes? Can you transpose to another key signature if you want? Thank you for skipping ahead



Hello Couragetoday, I am so sorry about you having had an inaccurate medical report. I know, DR's are human, but still...!

Appreciate that you'd unfortunately be well aware of pain management concerns. We do best we can


See neurological specialist in two weeks. Funny thing, GP said to go to big city, as Difficult to use public transport for closer people. The staff elected to offer me a time at the awkward place as it is closer. Turns out Dr J spreads himself over a few locations. Longer wait for city place. Receptionist was great, explained how to get there




Thanks for all your caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

there
Member
Posts: 5567
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by there » Fri Oct 05, 2018 1:52 am

Fleur,
no need to transpose. D maj is not that difficult. Just a song to learn :) Already had sampled it a while back.

hug for you, pat for Dr. Soxy.
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

Fleur
Member
Posts: 12740
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Fleur » Fri Oct 05, 2018 4:33 am

Truly you do sound very clever there

When I learnt piano (dim ages) the black dots made no sense until suddenly it clicked that each time a note was played, it had the same tone - and I could "read" music

In my case, ambition and skill did not match

Actually, don't know where Dr Soxy is right now. I've slept and vaguely remember telling him to move over, so he jumped off the bed

Have cancelled going to Church once again - migraine too painful


Wishing you and Tula a lovely autumnal weekend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

Fleur
Member
Posts: 12740
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Fleur » Sat Oct 06, 2018 2:09 am

Hello .....

Thinking aloud, kinda ...

Awoke around 9. Too late for first service. Could have attended second in time, had I so chosen. Throbbing headache - as if long sleep didn't happen - feel just the same tiredness as well as pain as I did yesterday. Seems a dark dreary path

But, no, please don't read that as more su than is "normal". Tis mere sharing of apparent facts - if feelings could ever be factual

After reading a lot around how we are shaped by thoughts , experiences, perceptions etc etc, I wonder whether I can truly trust my " gut instinct ". I have been put down, dismissed, neglected, over the years. I still mistrust myself. When might I (if such a thing exists) be able to accurately say "THIS is how I feel, think"? And stand by my words? I find myself second guessing, querying all I say, do, think, believe. What ARE my values? My ideas? Who am I?

Is this why I am in such a muddle, procrastination rules? Why I have such great difficulty with tiny decisions? Have I manifested continual migraine as an excuse to do nothing? And so on ...

Right now, I wish I were nothing more than a blob of wet paint about to be wiped up into oblivion


Appreciate whoever reads my rambling
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

there
Member
Posts: 5567
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by there » Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:26 am

Fleur,
Read this before but responding just now.

Have you ever heard of Noah the Narwhal? It's a children's story about --you guessed it--Noah, who's a narwhal.
Noah has migraine headaches. His friends and family eventually come to accept him as he is, a wonderful friend who sometimes has to stay home with bad headaches.

I do understand the self-trust and 2nd guessing yourself thing. The effects of neglect, putdowns, dismissiveness, I understand, too.

I hope you feel respected and validated here. You matter a great deal, and I am glad I get know you through your well-written posts .

Lately, I've come to be more accepting of my own ambivalence and some indecisiveness about many things.

I like the blob of paint picture. To me, one of the highest goods in life is to be creative out of pain. With this image -the blob of paint getting wiped away, you've really nailed it.

Here with you, Fleur. holding your hand, if ok.
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

Fleur
Member
Posts: 12740
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Fleur » Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:11 am

Thank you very much there


I'll do my best to locate "Noah the Narwhal" at one of the libraries. Appreciate your mentioning this book. Despite being over 60, I really enjoy well written pieces - my 3yo self is over the moon to use her phrase, because she likes hearing all kinds of stories, but most of all the ones about animals

.......................


Started a new med last week. Uncertain whether it is OK for me. Supposed to help handle pain but - Nada. Nothing. Supposed to increase appetite - nope. Supposed to improve sleep - did for the first two nights, got up hopes, then not so great

See pdoc tomorrow. Shall ask for a specific pain med. GP has been obstinate. Nothing doing. I cannot tolerate aspirin. The stronger relief helps my functioning. I do get the addictive possibility AND the rebound pain ... surely, there is SOMETHING suitable?

Reading side effects of new med ... I seem to tick a few. Another thing to discuss tomorrow, huge sigh


.........................

On a lighter note, attended my first Seniors event. A guided tour of local botanic gardens. Bought a plant for garden - table it was on stated that all these plants are drought tolerant, require little water. See how long it takes me to kill it! Despite my screen name, I tend to not have "green thumbs"


May all be well with you and anyone reading
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

Couragetoday
Member
Posts: 5247
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:31 pm

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by Couragetoday » Mon Oct 08, 2018 5:08 pm

Hi Fleur,

Starting new medication can be confusing. Do you know if it needs time to build up in your system?
Really hope Pdoc is more open to options you feel would be best suited to your circumstances.
I understand how you need that functioning to keep the abilities and the level of stamina you currently have.

So great that you were able to attend botanic gardens event!
Did it feel enjoyable?

Wishing you some peaceful moments today.

Couragetoday

recover
Member
Posts: 16234
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: Fleur's 2018 thoughts

Post by recover » Tue Oct 09, 2018 1:47 am

dearest fleur,
i hope pdoc appt went well.
thinking of you, i so value your friendship.
recover xo

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest