Fleur's 2018 thoughts

[wolfspirit]

Fleur,
thinking of you today and hoping your health is strong and cooperative
enjoyed reading of your weekend and outings
pet Soxy for me

hugs,

ws

[there]

Fleur,
I've thought about how we dig in the earth and I realized that I have more than enough jewelry. What's more beautiful? Loving the earth or consuming it ?
Came upon a new term in my reading - invented by a woman lawyer in the UK---"Ecocide". She and her lawyer husband been working with the UN to address hurting the environment in peacetime as well as in war.

Very cool that you co-led discussion in church.

Hugs back to you, pat for Soxy, and a woof from Tula.

[Fleur]

Thank you very much recover, wolfspirit, there

I cancelled appointment with skin cancer specialist as I have a cold plus infection didn't go away, so he wouldn't operate today. Glad I didn't have to face unpleasant weather to get to him

Dentist time went well. I really understand how some people have a hard time attending public services as we never know who might be assigned on the day. I greatly appreciate having one female dentist for continuity of care. Next time in November is a regular check up

Soxy slept part of night on kitchen chair, some on another bed. Currently at my feet. Shall give him pats on behalf of people here

Think I'm sabotaging the skin cancer removal as I'm doing more sh which is likely to become infected and therefore the Dr won't do procedure

Saw the Dr on Monday about iron levels. Turns out other macro nutrient levels are also low. I'm now to take 1000 units of vitamin D 3X daily with food. Dr wants blood tests done mid June, a week before seeing him again. A tentative appointment has been made for an iron infusion 27 June, depending upon pathology results

Due to illness in his family, the person who would normally lead tonight's meeting won't be available, so he asked if I could. Agreed. Then saw material - Mark chapter 9 has some very difficult concepts. Think we'll have good discussion

"Ecocide" is apt for human destruction of our planet. We don't have control over elements but we could do much better a as a society - if we so chose. As an individual, I can do my part in recycling, reducing, reusing, putting litter in correct bins, etc. And choosing to purchase ethically produced items - but I don't always know this for certain. I'm pleased this is being addressed at UN level. Thank you for sharing there


Sent with positive vibes to all at iSurvive

[there]

Disrupting the cycle of harm
At the moment there is no law to stop ecocide – however, by making it an international crime, prosecutions shall be taken by the nations that are signatories to the Rome Statute. (This is the case even if the person or State involved is a non-signatory, as the International Criminal Court has powers to intervene in certain circumstances) Currently 124 States are signatories to the Rome Statute; the first step is simply for one or more States to propose ecocide crime. Once it is presented, the amendment is then open to signatories. Upon attainment of a 2/3 majority, it becomes an international criminal law.

Polly Higgins is a pioneer; since stepping down from her legal practice as a court advocate, she devotes her time to one client – the Earth.

Maybe something to be hopeful about.

[wolfspirit]

Fleur,
Are you still seeing a therapist? I can't remember.
So about the sh affecting your health in larger ways. Hoping you can get some support with it.

hugs,

ws

[there]

fleur,
I'm concerned too about sh affecting cancer treatment. I don't want more difficulty for you. If you ever want to talk about t, we are here for you.
You are a generous, loving spirit and friend. I want things to work out best for you.

I hope, too, that you can get some support with it.

Praying.

with love,
there

[iwillthrive]

Fleur,

Few words but wishing you peace. iwt

[Fleur]

Reading yours words through tears. Thank you iwillthrive, wolfspirit, there. Partly crying feeling your kindness, partly at my stupidity


Time really means nothing to insiders. As the adult, I need to take charge. Today, I went to a supermarket, then withdrew rent money. When I went to the bank to pay rent, it was 3 minutes after 5; I'm thinking OK, they close at 5.30, but not that branch - 5 O'Clock. Was soooo cross I went swearing down the street, told off voices. Cash is hidden in a shopping bag. I'm saying that here so I'll either remember or read this post and be reminded.

I cancelled the T. She was useful for practical help like health and welfare. But woeful IMO otherwise. I still have fortnightly times with pdoc. As of Monday (21st May) I begin dbt in city on a weekly basis. Pdoc found a T who is an instructor in schema therapy near the main station. My first appt is in July, about middle of month. On a Thursday.

I'm bothered by the neurologist I saw first last night. He wants me to start a med for headache prevention/mood improver that also is supposed to stop auditory, nausea and seizure type stuff. He reckons my appetite shall improve within a month to 6 weeks. And if this med isn't the one for me? Oh, there's always botox! Excuse me? The stuff used for cosmetic reasons? Yep. Has been discovered that botox rases chronic pain if injected at the site of nerve endings. Hmmmm. I'm listening. Then Dr says "of course, in your case, we'll have to cover your scalp, neck, forehead and maybe along spine." Say WHAT???!!! I HATE injections with a passion. How many needle pricks? Oh maybe 100; give or take. It's done in ten minutes in his consulting rooms. IF this Dr insists on botox being my only option apart from surgery, and he is not going to repeat or do more tests - despite them being more than 12 months old, I shall ask GP for another specialist opinion before agreeing

I've been up half the night trying to use bathroom. Very cold, very tired. Pharmacist sold me a remedy I'll use a bit later. Got the heater on high and still shivering - Soxy is next to me, door closed, blind as low as it gets

Have return train ticket to next town Church to support the tiny group tomorrow. I will be a little late for first service but can't be helped - trains have a schedule. Oh drat I just recalled I have put thick tights in wash and omitted to buy a second pair. When the cycle finishes, I'll drape tights over fan. They might be dry in morning. Oh SHUT UP VOICES!! They are saying all sorts of horrid stuff about the bitch - me - including sneering at dropping fruit on concrete step. Was I upset about that too, yet a beautiful young lady from a different culture helped me, even chasing apples along the path, so she mitigated situation

I have to consume one tablet at least half an hour before eating , another one with the meal and a third afterwards. Sounds simple but I am so confused with adding 3 new meds to normal regime. Thankfully, all directions are in big print on boxes

I found some pretty PJs in a bag so they are my night's attire...... I have plenty of clothes, just uncertain which bag or box has what inside. I finally saw some progress re unpacking - I have a "hole" behind the narrow corridor in the lounge room. Only been 6 months, heavy sarcasm

Another wry remark - I didn't send my sister a text to say mothers day gift on way - this has been positive as I found the present awaiting postage today. Really told off self, then remembered a comment here about giggling at situation - wolfspirit maybe? - anyway whoever it was thank you very much for lightening that moment for me

Typically, voices are persistent in picking on anything, everything, even imaginary circumstances. For instance, I "had to sh" in shower as my Dad and/or brother were coming into bathroom - only it was Soxy and I was left with a big mess and more tears - I really could and would strangle voices if it were possible - I feel so f'd up

Cannot think of a positive to end, but I really do hope you all enjoy a spring/autumn weekend


Take care

[there]

Fleur,
I didn't mean to pressure you about sh. Am just very concerned about cancer situation getting worse. I can certainly understand having voices picking on everything you do. Not your fault what voices say or that they exist. Sh not your fault, either. I just hope you know I care. I don't want you to feel guilty or stupid on top of everything else.

Brilliant idea to say here that you hid cash in shopping bag. With your permission, I might do the same about where I've put something.

I hate when I get to the bank or an office or store right after closing. I'm sure you'll get rent paid soon.

Does the pdoc appt have time for any sharing or support besides meds? Sounds very helpful of pdoc to find T who instructs in schema therapy, which you've done did so much work in. Good you still see pdoc every 2 weeks.

Botox was first used medically for crossed eyes and facial tics. A doc then figured out that it could be used "off label' cosmetically.
100 needles in the head! Ouch! Maybe they would give you a topical anesthetic for your scalp first. Never a bad idea to seek second opinion.

If you're interested, there is an energy medicine technique for headache and migraine. It takes only a minute. On YouTube, you can search for" Crown pull". I don't know if it would work for you. If it does, it might take practice. But it's free and noninvasive self-help.
Donna Eden teaches free energy medicine on YouTube.

Don't know if you could buy a space heater. Or maybe electric blanket? Just Brain drizzling suggestions here.

Adjusting to taking new medications can be tricky. Especially when you get time them to meals or empty stomach. I extended the time from 30 minutes to an hour before eating to take my thyroid meds in the morning. My hair is falling out a lot less, I presume as a result.

Unpacking in a new place could take a long time. There's so many other things to do too. Glad you found some pretty PJs. What do they look like?

I hope you're tights dry in time and you feel warmer with them on. If ok, joining with you telling voices to shut up!!! "leave my lovely friend, fleur, alone!"

Partly sunny cool spring day here. Still in PJs. I'm not going to beat myself up for it now

What's that saying? "Beatings will stop when morale improves!"

[wolfspirit]

Fleur,
So much information in your posts. I love that. It helps me imagine what's going on and send the positive, healing thoughts your way.
Perhaps the doc is talking about needles that are acupuncture size? Little tiny ones that release the botox?

I was part of an acupuncture study on women with PTSD. At first, the needles were bothersome and even painful. Then they just became part of my appointment.
You are definitely on top of the situation. I admire how you look at all sides and options within a decision.
I'm sure it comes from practice and experience.
Hoping the next therapist is more suiting to your experiences with abuse and trauma.

Sitting with you, if okay, and petting Soxy together.

<3

ws