There's Healing Journey 2018

[there]

Fleur, reisha, wolfspirit,

Thanks to each and all of you for your posts. So good to see them this afternoon!

Fleur, I'll check that out-Scrabble. Now I recall going to their site that's but didn't take action. Maybe your inspiration Will...... And I really like you're cooperative style play!
ws, good news about the return of clean air, Blue skies. Feeling sad about the state of your stomping ground. Hope you find someplace in nature where you like to be!

I used to Love thunderstorms BT-Before Tula. The thrill of drama wild lightning cracking and Thunder booming! Still would rather have Tula than any storm!

reisha, thank you muchly for big supportive cheers, love, and no (destructive) drama! The trick is to let other people's stuff be other people's stuff.
Sometimes I think I hold onto negative things from people because I will take just about any kind of attention. Sigh.

Took her to the River walk today. She loves bombing around, then rolling in the grass! Hard to believe she's 10. I guess we're alike. I'm very active at 62.
Saying that blows my mind sometimes because I don't feel it.

I want to have a healthy attitude about aging because we're all doing it. Get tired of all the negativity. Feel lucky to be alive after all I have survived.
And I want to use talents and skills I've always been developing. Sorry, Society, I'm not backing down, feeling like crap about myself, or being miserable just because I'm alive.

Chiropractor-well, can't say it was enlightening. Informative. Neck needs a lot of work. Looking at x-ray of mine compared to normal. Okay, but he said I'm relatively young and want to have a good quality of life for the next 30+ years. My parents each lived into their early 90s. Neither of them had easy lives either. My brother prepared me, saying most everyone over 40 has some kind of arthritis (in the neck?)

Hey, I have my very own, literal pain in the neck! woot!

Glad that I switched to him. Previous chiropractor I was seeing for a long Time never thought of X-raying my neck. He did a lot of good, though. Interpersonal stuff was, for me, difficult there with him and his male administrative assistant. Plus it was a double bus ride there. This new place is a five minute walk from here.

I want to do some writing today. Do not want to put it off. Thought that I might get to library, but maybe not. Still can do, though.

Accomplished daily routine energy medicine---5 minutes, mantra meditation---11 minutes, qigong---15 minutes. My knees still need physical therapy and I have been slacking off. Sigh.

I have to buy another table that will be tall enough to use Computer on.

Still have homework from vocational rehab counselor, even though my case is technically closed. I'm I'm supposed to attend a class on business training.
Also, will try to take a local yoga class, then speak to the teacher after about some career questions.

I need to rest a bit, take a break right now. I guess this is part of it.

Thanks so much for reading.

[Couragetoday]

Hi there.

I’ve been playing scrabble on iPad & iPhone for close to a decade. Not sure if there is still a free version on ap store. Think through fb there is a free option. Can also play with other ‘real ‘ people if desired.

You mentioned needing a taller table for computer .
Would raising your computer with boxes or anything you might have on hand work?
I have created an ergonomic friendly workspace with things already on hand.
Glad you’re looking into it. Hope it will help with the neck pain maybe.

Hope you get the writing done, and whatever feels most important to you.

Couragetoday

[there]

Thanks, couragetoday,
Feeling your post in my heart today. Think I might buy a Second inexpensive ($20) and light weight folding table just for laptop. Must do something. Maybe boxes or shelves or something I had around have around, if needed. Good idea!

Thinking of my writing in terms of composition like when I do art. This will help me. Also having some fun with it.

Hoping your weekend has good things in store for you you deserve it!

[there]

Thinking about the T I see every two weeks. Probably because others talk about theirs here.

Today feeling a longing for Love, any kind of love. As long as it's real and not shallow.

I do my best be be kind to everyone I meet. I'm trying not to expect that in return because it won't happen. Also trying to not take that personally.

Trying in general to" detach with love".

Last session therapy I told T that I do my best to love myself. That it's important to me, but I needed that I need it, and want to be here for myself.

She has mentioned before that I'm resilient. I asked her why she thinks that about me and she told me. She said no matter what I've been through I'm still working on coping and growing, or more words to that effect.

I've really been trying to detach with love from her. I really don't want to need her that much. This is all I can say right now about it.

My brother is better to me than a T. He hashes things out with me, loves me without judgment, knows me, knows how to challenge me, adapts as we go along. Plus we laugh a lot, create laughter together. Yes it's only on the phone. But he's been there on a phone for me almost every day for years.

I'm grateful to tears for my brother, "better than a therapist" D.

[there]

Feeling very alone and vulnerable, Close to tears.
Awful things for people said me to control me, just criticize me, influence me without even being explicit in my mind. I practice piano and can't enjoy it just get distracted because jerk therapist mistakenly told me I had ADHD. I don't have it, knew that, took questionnaire. Next lie to occupy me instead of letting me have a self.
I don't even want to explain this here. So freaking done with the so-called mental health Field. And ex best friend tore me apart, planted stupid ideas in my head and I just remember them more than how to let myself just enjoy myself. not Think of everything, believing and acting like I'm messed up because that's what everybody wanted or expected or beat into me---to be screwed up.

Where am I in all this? I don't even exist. Just all lies and junk and meanness people screamed and beat into me to try to make me something I'm not, but can't escape being at times.
I freaking hate this.

Feel so alone and vulnerable.
Why is it never okay to just be okay?

[Fleur]

Hello there


Hard to detach from wanting love in return isn't it? True love gives, without expectations. However, we are human. We become depleted, drained. Am so very happy you have D as a brother, better than a T - brothers are supposed to be part of all our life, whereas a Ts job is to make themselves redundant (talking in generalities/idealism - there are some siblings we prefer to do without)

Think you are very creative in the ways you approach life, including art, therapy, life in general

Harrumph! Am ticking off people who have made silly comments to you. More than okay to be okay


Caring hugs

[wolfspirit]

there,
Sorry you're feeling so judged and boxed and defined. People tend to do that out of insecurity and it's just nonsense.
They hurt us and move on.
You are who you are and I'm sorry that your T crossed that line of insulting comments. Sounds like the observation was thoughtless and uncalled for.
I understand how one person's behavior can then bring us back into the feelings of another's hurtful behavior. It happens to me, too.

Know that I admire your passions and motivation to explore and do new things. To keep doing what makes you happy and getting rid of what doesn't.

Offering a hand to hold

<3
ws

[there]

Fleur,
Thank you for your all of words. It so helps to see responses here today.
Yes, especially grateful for D. Oldest brother, B, molested me in my childhood. Don't want to think about right now. But it makes having D that much more precious. That and my brother, R, died young.

This time of year holds both dates of when R left, and R's birthday. Oh, and anniversary of my huge pseudo suicide attempt which got me hospitalized at 16, and nearly paralyzed me. Guess I'm pretty lucky 12 survived that as well as I did.

Regarding the SH/SU, I now see how much trauma I must've brought on myself from that. I don't want to blame myself, that was part of the SH/ SU
Event. Feeling really sad about that, just mentioning it. And I've never really treated it as an anniversary, but it is. So if got from the beginning of September to mid October charged with emotion of loss and pain.

ws,
Thanks for reminding me that other people judge inbox and define out of insecurity. Happened yesterday, too.

Actually it wasn't the T, she just has kind of a negative vibe mixed in with the Positive. The two Ts before her were even more hung up and judgmental. I don't have ADHD. They made me feel like I do. And That's another reason why I decided I have PTSI. I was injured by abusive trauma. Sorry I don't have to Think of myself or be thought of as 'disordered' too. Diagnoses can be really stupid and very shortsighted.

Really sucks when women (the 2 Ts) treat women not so nicely. Current T just really seems not always comfortable with herself. So there's a vibe that feels like it's about me because she's reacting. But it's nonverbal.

T actually called herself an idiot at first appointment. I told her then that wasn't True.

The most wonderful support person I've had lately is BC, the vocational rehab counselor. And I hope I can get her back when I figure out what I want them to help me with and reopen my case. She said I can ask for her, and keep in touch with her regardless. Think I'm pretty sad but I didn't have her very long. The homework she gave me, informational interviews, writing a resume, really helped me. She told me I'm her best "student". I came to feel very respected and supported by her.

Would like to describe my day yesterday which involved meeting someone new whom that I thought could be a friend. The sojourn had its good points. But I think the trust is not going to develop on my side. Maybe I'll go into it later.

Oh, and J, the woman who lectured me about plastic bottles then killed a bird bird with her car showed up while I was on my walk with Tula on Friday. Have to say I handled very assertively. Said that I was having more work commitments and really couldn't be available to get-together to teach her yoga. Yet another disappointing would-be friendship.

Sorry, I know this is long. Thank you for being here anyone who read this, and thank you for being in my life.

Edited one time for grammar by there.

[there]

Fleur said,

Think you are very creative in the ways you approach life, including art, therapy, life in general. More than OK to be okay.

wolfspirit said,

Know that I admire your passions and motivation to explore and do new things. To keep doing what makes you happy and getting rid of what doesn't. Offering a hand to hold

Your kindness Will Help me sustain myself today.

[Fleur]

Sitting quietly in your pocket, there