My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

Post by juliewr » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:55 pm

I do not know how to feel about this and I just can't deal right now. So, I am 35 years old and have not lived with my parents since I got married a few months after turning 18. I rarely speak to them though we live one town apart. My husband does not speak to them. My kids might see them twice a year for an hour or so in a public setting and that is it. My parents still believe that their sexually/physically/spiritually abusive way or raising us was right. I hate them for it.

This week I got a package in the mail from my parents. It was an old paddle they used on my butt as a teenager. To make a long story short, we had a "family paddle" they used on all of us that hung in the living room on the wall beside the belt they used on us. They both hung there my whole life and, as far as I know, until last week. For Christmas when I was 15 my parents bought all 3 of us girls our own paddle with our names on it and those three paddles then hung beside the belt instead of the single family paddle. The first time my husband came to my house when I was 17 to meet my family there hung the paddles and belt beside the TV we watched a movie on. Everytime I had friends over, there hung the paddles and belt.

To make this worse on those individual paddles my parents made us write, in pen, the date and number of spanks we got with it each time it was used. Like a list right on the paddle. So, when my husband, then boyfriend, came over for the first time he not only saw a paddle with my name on it but saw all the times I had written on it when it was used.

My parents mailed me that paddle this week. I have been having PTSD all week, nightmares, just terrible memories. Here is the thing...I know I got spanked a lot as a kid/teenager but I never really thought about how often...it was just something that could happen any time any day. So, I counted up the times I wrote a date and number of spanks on the paddle. For roughly 3 years, ages 15 - 18 when this paddle was used, I wrote on it 37 times. Now, my mom and dad gave about an equal number of spankings and my dad only used the belt (all spankings, no matter which parent or with what were bare butt and followed a long hand spanking across their lap). My mom also used a wooden spoon about half of the time she spanked. So, I can roughly estimate that 37 is about 1/4 of the spanking I got those three years. That is 148, let's just say 150 spankings ages 15 - 18...almost 1 a week!

I do not know why my parents sent the paddle to me. I don't know what they are trying to do. I feel like they are still trying to get to me, to abuse me, etc.
Last edited by Ashia on Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed ST to MT

Ashia
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Re: My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

Post by Ashia » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:36 pm

Hi juliewr

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much at the moment. It makes sense to me that you would be having a hard time, given the package you received. Have you thought about what you will do with the paddle? You get to choose - keep it, get rid of it, send it back. I can't comment on your parents' intentions but I do know that you have options now. You get to choose. Please do be gentle with yourself.

With caring
Ashia

juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

Post by juliewr » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:31 pm

My other sister that has distanced herself from my parents, who is now 29, also got her paddle mailed to her. She had that paddle used from ages 9 - 18, so a lot longer than me. She is also struggling with this. It brought back a flood of memories she has tried to forget and ignore. We are getting together tonight to talk. Her husband and mine are taking the kids all out to a basketball game and we are going to get together to talk.
Last edited by Ashia on Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

adiajacobs
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Joined: Tue Dec 12, 2017 5:39 pm

Re: My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

Post by adiajacobs » Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:29 am

Juliewr, that's heinous! My first inclination is to video tape myself burning it and send them the video. Of course, that's not saying it's the right thing to do, just what came to my mind as I got angry for you. I'm sure you and your sister will be able to come up with a response and that together you can work through some of the pain you're both experiencing right now. Safe hugs (if that's cool).
Adia
Last edited by Ashia on Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: My Mom and Dad are STILL Abusive!

Post by juliewr » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:28 pm

We spent the evening having a very hard but therapeutic time together. My sisters paddle was used for 9 years and she had written on it over 110 times, which means she had close to 450 total spankings over 9 years or about 1 a week...the same as me.

We shared a lot of memories that were hard, but we needed to share them. Neither of us has anybody else to really talk to this about. She reminded me of spankings she saw me get that I had forgotten about and I did the same for her. She also filled me in on a lot that happened when I left home and got married at 18...she was only 12 then and had more years of spankings that I never really knew anything about. She showed me a scar on her right butt cheek that is about 2 inches long. My mom and another mom spanked my sister and her friend once with a piece of extension cord because they found they had oral sex with two boys, they were 16, and the beating was so bad it split her skin open in a couple areas. One of them was deep and has left a scar on her butt. I never knew that happened as I was long gone before he was 16.

It was hard for us and she reminded me of several things that happened to me that I had forgotten, maybe purposely, about. I am struggling today with some of those memories...when I was spanked in front of a group of kids at age 8, when I was spanked with a boy at age 12 by both our moms, etc.

In the end we decided to put the paddles in her fireplace and burn them together. There was a lot of crying but it was therapeutic too.

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