Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by juliewr » Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:31 pm

There are a lot of spanking I got in my life that had some sexual element to them. All of them had a religious element to them. There was one in particular, maybe the worst thing that ever happened to me at the hands of my parents, that mixed them all and has left me deeply scarred on the inside.

When I was 17 I was home alone. Since my parents are extremely religious and and sex was taboo in every way possible I could only masterbate when in the shower or when they were not home. I didn't want to run the risk of them coming in since we were afford no privacy at our house. I rarely did it in the shower for the same reason, it was not above my mom to walk in and throw back the curtain while I showered to talk to me. Anyway, the day in question they were gone and I was in my room alone. I began to masterbate with my hand and I got into it pretty deeply. I clearly lost track of what was going on and did not hear my parents enter the house. My bedroom door swing open while my underwear was past my knees, my finger were in my vagina and my bra was up and I was handling my boobs with the other hand. My mom screamed and ripped me off of my bed.

She dragged me, underwear down and bra up, into the living room and told my dad what she had caught me doing. I was immediately across his lap and he was spanking me with his hand. The lectures began about sex, bible verses, purity and all of that. My mom grabbed the paddle and pulled me off of dads lap after about 5 minutes of him spanking me. I was bent over and she beat my butt about 45 times or so with the paddle while continuing to go on and on about purity and sex. When she was done I was made to stand up and step put of my underwear and take my bra all of the way off. I got into all 4's on the floor where my dad beat my butt with the belt 75 times.

I was sent to the corner naked. After maybe 15 minutes my parents took me into my bedroom. They lectured about sex and purity and all of that again for a while. They made me read bible verses to them. They went on and on about how they are required to protect my purity and my virginity, how they own what is in my underwear, etc. Then the worst thing of my life happened. I was made to get into what they call the "diaper position" where I lay back on the bed and hold my knees to my boobs. Everything is wide open. My mom took her hand and spanked both my butt hole and my vagina a dozen or so times. My dad then took his belt and whipped the whole area 25 times; some spanks were directly on my vagina, some on my butt hole and some hit both. I have never screamed or cried so hard.

When they were done they took the door off of my room. They also told me they would supervise my showers so that I had no opportunity to do this again. For almost 3 months I had no door and one of them watched me shower.

There are a lot of things they did to me over the years that left wounds, but this is probably the event that most defines how they abused me. I hate them for it and the scars that this event have left are scars that I deal with every day.

Ashia
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Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by Ashia » Thu Nov 30, 2017 7:36 pm

Hi juliewr

Good job on sharing this so bravely. I truly am sorry for what your parents did to you. No parent should ever treat their child like that.

Take good care of yourself.
Ashia

rosa123
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 5:54 pm

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by rosa123 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:18 pm

So sorry your parents violated your personhood, allowed no privacy, and blamed you. They attempted to violate you sense of self and ownership and connection with your body (your body is yours) and to enter into your thoughts (how you should think, how you should feel, what you should want or not want). I am sorry for whatever degree they succeeded and for the hurts that their attempting it caused you.
I can only imagine the turmoil of emotions you may have around that: anger, fear, helplessness, frustration, dissapointment and so on. Certainly you had a need for safety and respect, and now you may have a need for calmness, clarity, self-love, hope, confidence and appreciation, to name a few. I have read several of your posts and I know that you are a very courageous, intelligent adult. I am sorry these things happened in your past, and I am sorry to the degree they are bothering you in your present. I wish these things to have as little power over you as possible.

recover
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by recover » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:29 am

hi juliewr,
what your parents did is criminal they should be in jail for a long long time. unspeakable crimes.
very brave of you to share as you did.
i am so sorry.
take gentle care,
recover

Two Worlds
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Posts: 73
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:04 am

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by Two Worlds » Fri Dec 01, 2017 6:27 am

This is so wrong and i am very sorry they put you through that! Its terrible:( i agree, you are very brave to share.

Ashia
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Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by Ashia » Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:39 pm

Hi juliewr

This is a very personal post so if you'd like me to move it to one of the forums that isn't public, please do let me know. It's absolutely fine to leave it here if you would prefer. You can choose.

Ashia

SweetestGirl
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Posts: 195
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:57 am

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by SweetestGirl » Wed Dec 20, 2017 1:56 pm

I'm so sorry you went through that. My abuse was under the disguise as religion as well.
You feel shame and guilt and I'm guessing blaming yourself, as many us do.

It wasn't your fault, they are monsters.

You are very brave and strong.

I also was spanked by my stepdad at 13, with no pants on, in front of everyone.

I believe he did way worse that with me in private. He's been dead a long time but I have unresolved anger perhaps, but I'm not sure.

He would invade my personal space, and my mother encouraged him to be violent with me and it was probably her idea about the spankings I had with him growing up.

Unfortunately, I don't know if his dad or his son also hurt me or if he hurt his own daughter, my stepsister.

I hope you know none of this was your fault.

I'm glad you found isurvive and can tell your story. It takes a lot of courage to do so.
Last edited by Ashia on Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed ST to MT
Everyone is beautiful here.

wolfspirit
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Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by wolfspirit » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:40 am

juliewr,
You are so strong to speak your truth. Those people, your supposed parents, are demented, sick people. It is so hurtful and unacceptable what they did to you.

Have you been able to heal at all from those scars? Having a support network of trusted and safe friends as well as a therapist can truly help us deal with the pain we experienced in our childhood and adolescence. It involves a lot of trust and strength, but it can help free you from their abuse.

I too had years of sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse under the umbrella of religion. Belts and paddles and corners and bible verses. My father would rape me while he was whipping me. These people are completely disgusting in how they tried to destroy our safety and our spiritual selves. If I could find your parents, I would tell them to f*#@ off.

Keep being strong and sharing your truth. You are not alone. They are not in control of you anymore and you survived.

Sending peaceful thoughts,

wolfspirit
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by juliewr » Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:17 pm

I continue to struggle to heal from what happened to me. It has been 17 years now since the last sexualized spanking and I still have nightmares. I wake up, sometimes, in a cold sweat. When I see men in the 35-45 age range with a belt on in public I have panic attacks. This is hard to do.
Last edited by Ashia on Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

Ashia
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Re: Sex/Spanking/Religion all mixed together

Post by Ashia » Wed Feb 07, 2018 8:27 pm

Hi juliewr

I hear how hard you are finding it to heal from what happened. I'm sorry for what your parents did. In my experience, I have found that healing takes time and isn't necessarily a straight line. It can feel like taking two steps forward, one step back but progress is progress. There is hope.

With caring
Ashia

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