Nudity as Punishment

[juliewr]

I have major issues with my body. I am, even at my age with 3 kids, in pretty good shape. I was always skinny and athletic. I always had bigger than average boobs and a sexy, curvy butt. My husband adores my body and has never said anything otherwise. The problem is that I feel a deep, deep shame when it comes to my body. I think it was because my parents used nudity as punishment.

I was spanked and spanked brutally, as I have mentioned before, my whole life. When I was little the nudity aspect of the spankings were no big deal. As I got older, they got worse. I remember feeling shame with my clothes off and being bent over around age 8. It was the first time it felt like the embarrassment was part of the punishment, which was one of my parents favourite phrases. The older I got the more humiliating the positions I was spanked in got and the more shame I felt for my body. A standard, happens every week, spanking as a teenager was pants and underwear down or off over one of their laps for the hand the then grabbing my ankles for the belt. Not only was my private and butt hole showing when I bent, they would comment on things like my pubic hair or the color of my butt hole. It was always made known that they saw everything. Worse spankings were done totally nude, with even my boobs on display, and in positions like all 4's on the bed or even the diaper position with my laying on my back and holding my knees to my chest.

I think the most blatant use of nudity was when they made me be naked around the house for 24 hours. This happened a few times, but the one that haunts me the most was when I was 16. I got badly spanked, something like fifty each with the paddle and belt, for a speeding ticket. I was then told I had to work around the house for the next 24 hours and had to be naked. That is humiliating enough at 16, but one of the pastors and his wife was coming for dinner. I was naked, with my badly spanked butt out there for all to see, while they came over for dinner. Not only did they agree with my parents punishment but my mom specifically let them look at, touch the welts on, etc. my butt to show them how good of a spanking I was given. I sat at the table, cleaned the table and did dishes naked in front of them all. I was humiliated more than words can say.

My parents, to this day, believe that nudity and humiliation were part of breaking my will of disobedience. To ask them, they'd do it all the same again.

I think this is why I have some issues with my body even though, not to be arrogant or anything, but I have always been very physically attractive.

[Ashia]

Hi juliewr

I'm sorry for what happened to you, the way your parents treated you. It makes sense that their treatment of you would lead you to struggle with body image. Good on you for recognising this. Have you thought on what you could do to help with your body image struggles?

Do write more if you want to, if helpful.
Ashia

[juliewr]

Showing parts was shameful and humiliating. Their comments on top of it crushed me.

They would comment on my pubic hair, my boob size and shape, my butt hole color, my butt cheek is and shape, they would say nasty things like "looks like you don't wipe this nasty crack" or "your butt hole stinks/is so dirty" - though none of that was true.

Humiliation was part of their punishment and it haunts me still.

[rosa123]

Hi juliewr. I wrote in one of your other posts and was triggered by the story. I also read your story trying to protect your niece. I am not sure what could be useful to you at this time. To me it was useful to read your story. As always, trauma memories come to me as if they were made up, invented by my imagination. So, remembering what happened to me (spanking, forced sex, etc.) was "unhappy".

I guess I want to say that there is a choice, at least to some degree, of what you think and feel. Their purpose being to humilliate you and your decision not be humilliated. (you could decide to be angry, for example).

In my situation, (a french family) I remember thinking of them with disdain. In this situation they spanked me nude and then ordered me to stand facing the wall (their idea was to make me feel embarassed as other people where around). I had a strong tendency to be very stubborn and proud, so one, I did not really stayed still against the wall, and two, I was not humilliated at all. I was part of this french family for a few years in my late teens and early twenties. (the story is long and horrific, but I am just telling you this one incident). (nudity, spanking, sex, and exposure, were mixed in a confusing way, such as that I did not know if the actions were for sexual pleasure, were a game, or were revenge and hatred, or just the values they had of domination, arrogance, power over, cruelty, etc).

The idea that someone will want intentionally to harm, humilliate, submit, destroy, crush, someone they claim they love to me is confusing, to use a mild world. Love is not related to any of the above words. One of the problems that I find in common for us who have been in the receiving end of abuse is that the abusers' words become bigger than our own voice. And that is something that we have to undo. And the undoing is more like taking off the blindfold, seeing things as they are, stop being dellusional believing the abuser and the medical system that label us as having disorders, and society at large who want to deny, look the other way, blame us, reject us, or simply do not want to hear about it.

Hope this makes some sense to you.

[juliewr]

For my parents as I got older the humiliation aspect was raised to meet the physical aspect.

For example, by the time I was a teenager the physical aspect had raised to the point where my butt was bruised and welted with every single spanking...which occurred at least twice a month. I cannot remember much time between ages 8 and 18 where my butt wasn't marked in some way.

To match they raised the humiliation to more nudity, sometimes naked or allowed just a bra...or more humiliating positions like all 4's on the bed, the diaper position, grabbing ankles and spreading legs apart...and also doing more spankings in the kitchen, living room or other places where my siblings would also see them. The humiliation included staying in positions after the spanking ended for a period of time and them talking openly about my spankings with their friends. There were times when I was made to show the marks to their friends and plenty of times when they allowed other people to spank me.

They always said my privates, my boobs, my butt - all belonged to them. My mom's famous saying "If your underwear covers it, it belongs to me as long as you live in my house"

[rosa123]

How terrible untruth that you belonged to your mother, or any part of you did!

[1000miles]

Hi juliewr,

I feel sad for all you went through in childhood. It was truly terrible. Wishing you comfort and clarity as you remember and process it.

1000miles

[quixote]

juliewr,
That was abuse, and you shouldn't have been treated like that.
quixote

[juliewr]

Part of this is that the made sure the nudity wasn't just them seeing me. To this day I really struggle with that.

It was one thing got my sisters to see me, they did a lot and I saw them too. It was another for my friends, there were several friends I was spanked with or in front of.

The worst was when other adults saw me. The parents friends who spanked me of course saw me. A few different times I remember part of my punishment was being naked for 24 hours in the house. Once I was 11 and once I was 16. The time I was 11 a friend of my mom's was over all day as I was made to do chores naked around the house with a very badly spanked butt. When I was 16, another couple came over for dinner and I was naked with a beaten butt too. I remember my parents basically showing off their spanking skills by having me show the marks on my butt to the couple. I talked about that above.

[Ashia]

Hi juliewr

My heart hurts for what you have been through. The way you were treated was deliberate shaming and very abusive. It doesn't surprise me you are struggling with all this now.

Do you have someone, like a T, to share these things with?

Keep writing, as much as helps you.
Ashia