reisha's 2018 thread

[Jitterbug]

Sending hugs, dear Reisha.

Jitterbug

[reisha]

it is so wonderful to read the support here. sumtin that *seems* kinda lackin in 3d. the funny thing - not haha funny, but more uva 'hmmm....' funny - the folx who 'stepped up' arent who i'd *expect*, nor are they local. the personal care items came from a woman ive never met (but have known online for over 20 yrs) who lives in Tennessee; clothes from a 'long lost' friend (& her friend, who is a 'stranger' to me) in Arizonia. go figger. the 'locals' have contributed to the GoFundMe, but not much more. a bgp'r - who ive known for over 20yrs, but never been close to is the one who's doin costco 'slop' runs for me. the best support is commin from folx who live in other states. i guess the locals are kinda burnt out on my 'neediness'(?)

any novelty of the circumstances has long worn off, if it was ever there in the 1st place.
it takes 3 buses - one that loops roundNround this loopyass island/town im on/in - there is NUTHIN here, cept the airport, & a biz park. its a food desert - hell, aside from sum spectacular wildlife, its kinda a wasteland. all the roads curve, & crisscross & loop around & around (hence the loopyass bus ride!) but the mngr here is really nice - after i bailed cats outta spca, i asked him bout pet fees, he quotes me a price that i couldna afford - i asked if there was any discount if they were emotional support - he looks at me & kinda winks, says 'oh - if they're service animals, theres no charge' - ino damn well he knows the diff tween service & emotional support, & am grateful he cut me a break. i take one or the other out every few days - goo on leash & harness; plunk (whos mostly blind) wears a 'harness' fashioned from several extra long, extra fuzzy craft 'pipe cleaners' - just to let him know he's 'on point' when we go out. they both love rumblin round in the wood chips/flower beds; flower sniffin, & just baskin in the sun.

im kinda mad (or exasperated) w/ t - she asks the same questions over&over; or kinda 'hounds' me, pushes me for ... different answers than the ones i give. i dunno - she's been mostly a 'place holder' more'n a .... pusher or teacher. & she's retirin soon, so maybe its kinda ..... i dunno how to say it - since she's 'one foot out the door' anyway - if that makes sense?
i finally gotta appt w/ the new med group (aka 'll') - march 9th - hopefully, that'll work much better for me, as they have more ... 'wrap around' services.

im pretty burnt, dealin w/ alla this.
the apt folx packed all my shit & i have no access to any-a it; dont know what was salvaged & whats lost; wont know til im back in apt. lotsa anxiety bout alla that.
& mostly feelin very embarrassed/foolish about the whole thing.

theres alot more (always, duh!) but im kinda ... 'outta practice' here; plus .... past vs present; the ... 'hangover/overlap' of both; - ug!! have t later today; & hope to tocuh base w/ a few more here.

love to all
{{ISURVIVE!!}}

[Jitterbug]

So good to hear from you dear Reisha,

I'm so glad the apt mgr cut you a break re the pets - clever thinking (&honest) that they for emotional support. Don't feel bad re what happened at your place - you are dealing with enough. Stuff happens. It wasn't intentional. I'm just glad some folks have rallied round. It is funny about how support in 3d works, isn't it? I think I semi consciously operate a revolving door system of reaching out, getting support, then leaving that one person alone, reach out to the next, to give them a break & so on. I'm so aware of poss support fatigue. It is harder for those that support us on our doorstep - the thing is what they say is no matter how bad it is for me, they can step out of my sh*t & back into their own lives & sometimes I'm a good distraction from their own crap (glad to be of service. Lol). Bottom line is friendship is a two way street, but sometimes support can't be, but when you can, you'll pass on good deeds to others. Don't know whether that relates to your experience or not. Guess some people can be very generous & others are less aware, or more caught up in own worlds or whatever. I hope the people who packed up/salvaged your stuff were respectful & careful. I can imagine how strange that must feel not to have been part of that & not to have contact with it all. Must feel very unsettling & like you in some kind of limbo, huh? A lot of change for you, my friend. That you were able to share here & update us all is so very much appreciated. But, please never feel bad if you can't or don't post. We all understand.

Interested to read about your feelings re your T. Sorry she's making you so mad - can you put yer finger on what that question is or hounding you is about? Is it something you feel is not relevant or just not helpful.. or too scary right now?? I've just come out of 9 years with my T (she retired). I was vociferous in my defence of her & her skills & I still do stick to that. Suppose I'm also questioning some things too.. Either way, so glad the appt with the new med group has come thru. Wrap around services sound helpful. Really hope you get what you need from them. So many challenges you have to overcome every day. You so deserve & need something really positive especially right now.

Loving hugs in bucketloads (too soon?? )

Jitterbug

[Fleur]

Hello Reisha


Hear you re strangers packing and the tedious bus trips and being over any novelty factor

Really pleased about free boarding for cats. Got a great mental pic about you and cats sniffing the roses ... Smile

Wildlife sounds interesting. Hope the locals aren't visiting? You don't need to be dealing with animal nuisance on top of all else

Whilst lovely to read from you, you know there's never any pressure to post. Hope you enjoy all the support and that 9th March appt turns life towards the up and up

May you have a pleasant weekend


Soft hugs

[there]

hi, reisha,
glad to see your post. Very cool on pass for pet fees.

Tula curled up on bed here, takin' it as it comes.

Not many words, but listening here.

[Couragetoday]

Hi Reisha,

So glad you have kitties with you at no added expense. And how fun to spend time outside with them, seeing them enjoy themselves.

Not a fan of hotels myself, so can really understand how old it can get.
Yet very glad you have safe place to stay.

Oh gosh, having others pack up my stuff would cause loads of anxiety here too!
Here’s hoping they were careful, and mindful of your belongings.

Wishing you well as you wait this all out.

Couragetoday

[there]

reisha,
Glad you stopped by to post on my thread. Got a love speech recognition. Ha ha

How's it going these days?

[reisha]

hello {{FRIENDS!!!}}}

jb, there, courage, fleur - i hope i dinna forget anyone.

still in hotel. hadda sign my (re)certification of income for apt, & asked if there waS an 'end date' - not yet. - kinda miffed that ... they cleared it out so quick, but are slow to actully get folx in there for repairs.....
alotta 'bs' around the property mngment side-a things - too much to get into, suffice to say ... uh .... ug!
also po'd that residents seem to know more about it than they *should* - as the one lady who grates on my nerves made comments when to her friends when she saw me.

t .... retires april 1st.
saw an add for trauma workshop - free, as its for a student's dissertation. so, a chance to 'give back' while gettin support durin transition from old t to new one (?!) - my appt w/ new 'wrap around' pcp group is this fri. but the 1st meetin of trauma group was last nite - lotsa ~mindfullness~, & homework. group is open to all (adult) ages & genders. limited to 10 people of which 9 are white(ish) women & one black man. its not for processing trauma, but rather, to (re) ID values, & 'stuck points', & (hopefully) gain more insight & tools for movin thru/past them. i like it ( i think!?) - only concern is .... its in the eve, & last nite, i missed the last bus of the 3 it takes to get there & back, so had to take a taxi to get 'home' - $20. which is totally 'reasonable' for a .... t co-pay, i s'pose, but if that is gonna happen each time, um ....... i really cant afford it, esp IF i hafta pay for uhaul/able bodied peeps when apt is ready - theres contention there, as the legal pprs state THEY will incur the cost, but part-a the 'bs' w/ prop mngment is them verbally sayin those costs are on me. i *will* bring this up when things are closer to completion.
also put in request for 'reasonable accomidation' - eliminate the carpet altogether. its a trip hazard, harder to clean than just flooring, & also i'll breathe easier w/out the dust & dander collectin in it. we'll see if that gets approved.
no word yet from IHSS.....

losta other stuff, mostly 'piddly' details.

im really burnt on this hotel 'living', esp since its middle of nowhere.
also kinda .... confused/mad at 'friends' who havna responded to phone calls or social media posts (yet another reason to avoid social media, haha!)
mood has been .... 'flat', as i think/feel that im 'on hold' w/ so much. t & i talk bout this a bit. - guess its better'n bein DOWN/'actively depressed'

i wanna thank y'all for bein here, for yer support & kind words. it really DOES help, & means alot to me
{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}

[Fleur]

Dear Reisha


Hear you my friend. Sounds very hard, some of which might be conflicting info?

T retires soon ... Has she any suggestion for transition/how to find replacement?

Go you for joining dissertation group. Sorry about last bus being missed. Perhaps see if anyone could drive you? Just a thought

Seems strange that no-one responded on social media.- could there be a glitch in the system? Get how nil reply taps into past stuff and present alone time

Some people do like to gossip don't they? Annoys me like crazy when something that ought to be private is openly discussed. Here's to returning soonest to apartment

Praying everything works out very well for you


Soft caring hugs

[recover]

i hear you reisha, lots going on it seems.
offering hugs and much support.
love,
recover xo