reisha's 2018 thread

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

Moderators: quixote, Ashia, ajei

Post Reply
iwillthrive
Member
Posts: 1247
Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2017 11:34 am

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by iwillthrive » Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:00 pm

reisha,

I don't know you well, but from what I do know you have been an uplifting force around here. I may not reply but I find myself chuckling at your use of humor when facing difficult things. And, btw...I LOVE the Grateful Dead and did some following while in college. Still love to listen.

Hoping you have a day with many moments of peace today...iwillthrive
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

reisha
Member
Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by reisha » Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:37 pm

oh, TY, courage, there, iwillthrive -
the 'dead validation' was very timely, IWT, so a special thank ya for that

bookcase remains undone (do nuthin, & nuthin remains undone...!)
hadda lil meltdown over halloween/day-of-the-dead. - i live inna ... Very Diverse but traditionally hispanic neighborhood. i really like the (suth'rn) european traditions. well, i like celtic traditions too, but our american one has always struck me as odd, esp given our 'stranger danger' mentality. how incongruous to instill such crazy makin mixed messages - go run around to strangers/neighbors houses, beggin candy .... uh, inna there sum creepy guy inna a van i can beg from instead?
but anyway, had sum sorrowful insights/realizations, cried over dead friends, & Dead friends, & .... sat stunned & Feelin (down) Sorry For Myself. managed to get almost all the dishes washed, & packed in bin, but havna been able to Hump It Out, back into kitchen, to Put Away everything.
ALSO .... (drumroll, pls!) finally got my hair 'properly* washed, & deep conditioned!! (yea, go. me. ...)

dinna go t' t yesterday, cuz dinna have the lousey $2.50 for a bus (day) pass. - yes, cost of things .... yesterday, got a 3.5 lb bag of 'alley cat' kibble, a gal bleach & a 'bic' lighter. even addin the .75 'card use fee', im still puzzled over how it came to $12.47!?!! left me w/ .78 cents to my name - no therapy for mauki!! & its all these lil .... lil things. ya caint swing a live cat round here w/out hittin multiple lil 'mom/pop' groceries. in the 4 blocks between my place & the pharm, there are 6; plus several 'roach coach'/food trucks/restaurants/ take outs/eateries. but small stores, overhead, supply/demand .... sum things are incredibly inexpensive (non-organic produce), but most everything else tends to be more costly than at a big supermarket. its also designed around alotta .... 'poor folx taxes' - things like: sweet strippin (street sweeping) - its a $75 tix if ya dont mover yer car between 3 & 5 am every 2nd mon. or the fact that while ya can Pay Yer Bills & get cheap(ish) MO's at most stores, ya CAN NOT get 'cash back'. instead, yer referred to the increasingly common privately owned ATM machines that end up costing $5 or more to pull cash from, once ya factor both yer banks AND their own fees into it. & the 'card use fees' range from .50 up to $3, depending on ... store, & type of transaction. so, on 1 hand, while the culture kinda encourages ya to do european (daily/wkly) shopping, doin so ends up costin ya more; but the ~cost~ of doin ... 'monthly' stock-ups is taken out in the pounds of flesh & Physical Energy - hell, the physical energy factor applies in every case!!!
my other option is to Go Back to Makin The 16 block r/t trek to my bank - along w/ an always long line to stand in. - again, 'hispanic banking' is done differently than ... 'white folx banking'. ... or i spose maybe if i ever got that paratransit app turned in ....
ug.

i have WAAAY TooMany costumes! & 'show clothes' & ... (everything!) the fractured fairy - black tattered lace & blue/green ircandesant fabric wings attached to a baby blue vinyl corset. a micro-mini tutu of lavender/purple/blues/greens w/ silk flowers & crystals. purple fishnet & suede shoes. a mask that matches wings. dollar store wand ( & bubble wands too!). i tie yarns to headbands to make 'wigs' ( kinda 'burning man' style). ive also found my RennFaire costumes, minus bodices (grr! - those'r kinda both expensive & necessary to the *time period*!) ...
find mice elf thinkin bout that 'when im an old woman....' poem, wearin MORE purple (im in purple leggings atm!) - that lyric bout goin where the climate suits my clothes .....(why cant EVERY day be xmas?!) - Do I Dare.... be thot of as even MORE (purple?!) ecentric than i already am?!?! (wtf NOT - its kinda inevitable anyway....)

**NEED** To .... do alotta things. chores, calls, errands, meds, ins, food, bills ..... now that my $'s in (for the month/wk/day ... its gone b4 i get it, sigh!) - i think i'll Get Flat here for A Bit 1st....

thanks for reading
{{ISURVIVE!!}}

there
Member
Posts: 5239
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by there » Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:32 pm

Cool costume! Very creative, reisha.
I can understand feeling down about thing. Ok, sometimes we might feel sorry for ourselves. You then moved on and got some dishes done for yourself!
Theme from Midnight Cowboy! Feeling like real fall here today after record setting, strangely warm October. It's going to be back up to 70 by M-T. If that doesn't spell G-L-O-B-A-L W-A-R-M-I-N-G....

(drumroll)Good for you getting your hair clean and conditioned. I just went out to buy a comb to use when I cut my bangs. caught a how-to on YouTube> I have done a fairly good job in the past. This showed it done systematically. WITH a comb.

Sweet stripping, what a racket that is. When I had a car, I probably tallied up a couple $100 smackers due to the city.

Please disregard if not helpful. Is a bicycle an option for you?

You'll get the bookcase set up before long, reisha!
"Love yourself, for no one can be closer or spend more time with you...Remain aware, for you are now new." Corita Kent, artist

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

reisha
Member
Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by reisha » Sun Nov 05, 2017 1:57 am

thank ya, There.

have thot bout bikes.... & vespas, & scooters, (walkers, cabanaboyz, private limos, unber/lift....) im pretty outta shape rite now - would hafta start REAL S L O W. funny ya mention it, tho, cuz - FORD has recently dropped uber-milllions into a regional 'city bike' program. suddenly, there are these .... racks of blue bikes AllOverEverywhere. ive watched these things 'invade' aloota ... lower income/'inner suburbs'/urban centers; along w/ the Very Weirdly placed GREEN dedicated bike lanes. theres been new stories bout em - is it gentrification at its worst, or is it adressing & adapting to changing transpo needs? i havna checked out the cost - would be more inclined to do so *if* i could get sumone to do it w/ me.... an adventure, of sorts; rather than .... me *havin to* Figger It Out All By My OWN Self, if that makes sense?

~isurvive~ on $915/mnth. $94 off top for ins premium that i dont need. $232 rent. (thank Sprout for 'affordable senior housing!!!) $26.50 bus pass, or $2.50/day pass (but Must Have Cash for that!). 10 meds, most @ $1.20, but several @ $3.70. $20+ for pg&e. about $50 for cat supplies. $20+ for laundry (another Must Have Cash expense) food, non-food supplies (like tp!) ... the past coupla-a months, im 'butt clenched my wallet' by the 15th, if not b4. last month wsa esp brutal, for sum reason. had it not been for the $70 in safeway cards i been sittin on for almost 2 yrs, i wouldna-a eaten the last 2 wks - altho $70 in safeway cards dunna go far, when yer gettin meat & cheese (protien!) - THAT happy lil adventure was a single bus ($1.05/per way). & i'd do online, but for that, ya hafta spend at least $50, & if im spendin $50 @ safeway, im buyin .... meat & cheese, & i wanna Pick My Own out for that stuff, not *trust* to sum stranger, yano? so that kinda precludes That 'solution'. is it 'wrong' to call paratransit ( & how much is IT per ride?!) for an 8 block (each way) trip to either bank, or dollar store?
ug!
***WHY(nnnne!) duz everything *hafta be* so damn HAAARRD?!?!?!!

got one bin-a dishes back to kitchen, AND Put Away!! alwo (tub/hand) washed the plunk-peed towels, wrung em, & humped em to dryer - oh! probly need to go Feed machine again here, soon. have another smaller bin of clean, dry dishes to deal w/. did a 1/2 assed 'swipe/mop' of parts of kitchen floor - todays 'the faster i go, the behinder i get' ~lament~ <wrist-2-4-haids, que the fainting couch, & smelling salts> is this: {Puuuurrrrfect Plunk!}, in his senior/senile dotterage, has taken to 'digging' his water outta his bowl, & then going to stand in his litterbox (sopping wet paws + clay = muddy-clay tracks, & clumps, & 'sheens' AllOverEverywhere). SO! here goes riesha, wet mops/rags in hand, to Clean This Shit UP!!!! & alrighty! now thats its dry ..... there is a grey clay 'sheen' embedded in all the cheap 'wood grain' of this vinyl flooring ....
ARGH!!!!! why do i even bother? ( i cant have anything nice, i f' up EVERYthing, ....) ah, yes! The Things We Tell Ourselves.....
Last edited by Ashia on Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to ST

there
Member
Posts: 5239
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by there » Sun Nov 05, 2017 3:40 pm

(((reisha)))
You're dealing very proactively with a lot!
Understand the figgerin it all out on yer own bit. It was just an idea about bike. Don't want to make it harder.

I understand having a very limited budget. It shows that you figger out the costs of things.
You've got a lotta grit, reisha. I wish finances were better for you.
Sending softly glowing comfort clouds, and heartfelt support.
"Love yourself, for no one can be closer or spend more time with you...Remain aware, for you are now new." Corita Kent, artist

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

reisha
Member
Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by reisha » Mon Nov 06, 2017 3:02 am

bwahaha - alotta GRIT, indeed! embedded...

finally returned wks old phone call to x-roomie from 'crazy town' (had told t that .... an ... occaisional 'check in' w/ her was ok - sounds shitty, but it made me feel better bout self, in (invalid, but thats another idea..) comparison to her level of .. *functioning*).
anyway, she's not only (still!) drinking, but has 'upped' her game from ~just~ beer, to vodka... <sigh!> isna seein her drs. isna working (?!WTF!? - did she LOSE, or quit her yrs long caregiving gig?!) <more sighs, & head shakes...>
typical-a her ... 'lets help each other' she sez, when i confess my State Of Being, needing (cleaning) help. she was ready to jump in her car (which she isna sposta have, for both court ordered, & medical reasons) & drive down here to 'help' me (for an hrly wage which was never discussed).
i told her no, *IF* she was serious, to wait at least til morn, or pick a day next wk, & .... would she consider takin BART instead-a driving? i wasna gonna be party her drinkin & drivin, & for a whole helluvalotta safety reasons - hers, mine, all the other poor slobs Out On The Roads, i'd feel MUCH better if she'd take BART. she agreed. wok, what day? oh, t'marra morn she sez. we agreed to a time. she was gonna call me @ 10 am this morn. key word: 'WAS". she dinna. i kinda set it up that way - as a test, & she failed!!! *if* she REALLY.... <insert any # of 'wounded lil girl's "logic" ' ...>
& then the thots of: 'what was i THINKING?! ino, from havin lived w/ her ..... sumwhere deep down, she *MEANS* well enuff, i s'pose; BUTT!! am i really so ~desperate~ as to be *reduced* to askin ~*the like-a HER*~ to help me? WHY would i *invite* that kinda ... chaos & empty promise (back) into my life?!?!! WHEW! dodged a bullet, there, i did!
Butt I Still *Need* Help.....

have also been TERRIBLY self-absorbed (even for me!) of late ... readin along w/ a few threads, but not thinkin i have anything to say/contribute ..... ino most-a yano what i mean, & dont hold it against me

{{{ALLA US!!}}}
{{ISURVIVE!!}}

oh! forgot - been meanin to 'report' this for a while now, keep forgetting -
the CA wildfires are/were in my back yard. less than 40 miles north-a me, the south-most fires burned. so, its considered 'local'. its on ALL the (local) news - print, tv, social media, radio. various bennies & fundraisers & pix of the utter, complete ruin & destruction for row after row of street after street of neighborhood after neighborhood, interspersed w/ stories of terror attacks in vegas, new york, mass shootings in texas. the closest i was ever to a fire was more'n 30 yr ago, in LA, the fire raced thru the canyon i lived in, stopping bout a 1/2 mile from my home. but looking at these pix (over&over, kinda like The Trade Towers footage) - the devastation is so complete - again, this sounds shitty, but it makes me feel better bout myself. more grateful that i was able to salvage at least a lil bit; altho i dunno ... maybe im holdin on to things past their time <snirt!>

i was even prepared to walk down to BART to meet her - one store has one item i need... (sticky-tape fly & gnat traps) near the station, & once i/we were Out & About, i'd swing by the pharm on the way home. oh, i had GRAND dreams, i did!!!! like a CLEAN ( & organized!) kitchen. <sigh> oh well. i cant put this on her. its *MY* mess!!!
t'marra, i WALK, bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!

there
Member
Posts: 5239
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by there » Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:02 am

hi, reisha,
reading your latest post.

Hope you can get the stuff to bag those flies and gnats.

Not many words tonight, but sending caring and support.
"Love yourself, for no one can be closer or spend more time with you...Remain aware, for you are now new." Corita Kent, artist

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

reisha
Member
Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by reisha » Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:38 am

thank ya, There

UG!
hadda pcp appt yesterday - it was physically HARD on my body - herky-jerky buses. & LOONG, COLD waits at bus stops. since ive yet to find a new pdoc, needed pcp for those med/scripts. also did a 'follow up' on everything else, including a discussion about ins - he takes medicare, but not mediCAL. for the 1st time, that phrase really struck home - ALOT of providers accept fed medicare, but not the state mediCAL. which does me no good - as im both, & theoretically, the m-cal pays for stuff the m-care dunna, but if the provider dunna accept m-cal, i guess im left holdin the bag?!?! so, maybe this 'lifelong' (aka 'll' from now on) provider i keep hearin about .... they take both, & apparently have more-better 'wrap around' services..... i have a HICAP appt sumtime next week, i think... & i also got the 2nd pneumonia shot, so my arm's sore. then went to pharm to p/u scripts ... get home, they've given me flo-NAISE ( i think? sum nasal spray), not flo-VENT ... t'day, i get a message to call em. i do - uh, my floVENT is ready. no mention of mix up, so i tell em, & also register my alarm at the mix up - this one was so big & obvious, not much chance of me accidentally takin it, or of it doin me harm if i did, but YIKES!!!!!! the gal just apologized for the inconvenience, & said mistakes do happen. wow. i will also (loudly!) take it up w/ em again when i get there. - & ALSO - from now on, NEVER leave the counter w/out checkin the bags (since i often p/u 6 or more scripts at once). & yeah, make SURE - esp since i take alotta generics - make sure the meds look the same, say the same, etc. & ask if they dont! yeah, just..... wow.

know i *NEED* to ... <sigh!> deal w/ a lotta 'reality' - CLEANING!!!, chores, errands, etc
its 'baby pissing' rite now - not really even 'sprinking', but more than just 'misting'; its that california version of 'lite rain' - just enuff to frizz out yer hair, & cover it in tiny droplets that take forever to soak in, & gets yer shoulders damp & wet, but dunna really fog up yer glasses or require a raincoatvor umbrella (which is just another cumbersome obect to juggle, w/ cane & bag...)
not only dose my arm hurt from shot, but mid back is out & buggin the hell outta me; hip is reacting to weather change (?!) :shock: ;) , & low bACK/butt is sore. wanna lay flat, but *need/should/etc...) Do Something ....
think im forgettin sumtin (important?) ...

thanks for reading
{isurvive!}

there
Member
Posts: 5239
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by there » Thu Nov 09, 2017 6:00 pm

Flo-nase is the nasal spray?
Jeez, big difference, must be. What's Flo Vent ?
Does get sore where they give a shot.
Hope pain finds a Vent to Flo back out.
Cleani g here, too. Cleared out sooo much from behind bed.
Now eating then back to wrestling bookcase together.
"Love yourself, for no one can be closer or spend more time with you...Remain aware, for you are now new." Corita Kent, artist

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

recover
Member
Posts: 16203
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: reisha's 2018 thread

Post by recover » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:00 am

hi reisha,
ugh sounds like a lot to deal with...insurance, body conditions, medications, pharmacy mess-ups ugh ugh ugh.
hoping you feel better very soon...
love,
recover

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest