Even my family took note of my behavior and was worried for me. Each time they told me their thoughts about it, I stood up for him. Believe I was embarrassed as to what was going on and I honestly thought I was crazy and the things he told me I was. Told his family that I was crazy and I truly believe this by the way they acted towards me and their attitude spoke very clearly. He always was the victim and I was always the "crazy" one. For years I never spoke about this because I feared what people would say or think of me.
There's still days where I miss him at times but I think I'm just remembering the good times we had together. He's cheated on me and accused me of cheating on him several times. He got very jealous if I spoke to any men or even females for that matter cause he feared that I'd leave him and find somebody else. Anytime I tried to get away... he eventually would come back and apologize and tell me how he changed. When he said those words, I was hoping that those words were true because I kept thinking of when I met him and how much he loved me.
Anytime it didn't work out with someone, he would always come back to me. I started picking up on this and finally I decide to vanish on him without a trace. When I did this, I flew up to see a friend of mine and had a great time. However when I did visit my friend, I was crying in the middle of the night and feel horrible. It didn't take him long to find somebody else after I broke up with him. Within a few weeks he found a new girlfriend and told her a bunch of lies about me and how "crazy" I am. After she ended up leaving him because she was sick of his controlling ways, he tried coming back to me. Believe he came back to see if he could get away with the same things again. Right now I'm working on my healing progress because I've been a victim of abuse before but I'll get to that later in another thread and I believe this is why I became attracted to this abusive guy. My mother once loved an abusive man and now I want to break this cycle from forming again and again in the future. Hope nobody here thinks I'm crazy or anything. There's still times where I doubt myself and cry. Believe I do this is because he's gas lighted me so many times. Just wanted to share my story on here because I'm feeling very sad today and needed to finally get it out.
He's also made fun of me for having a learning disability and that broke me.... I ended up thinking I was stupid. Now I still have a hard time trusting people and opening up because I fear I'll be abused again. Hopefully in time I will heal and move on from this.
