My Story of Abuse

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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Xanthia
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia » Thu Sep 21, 2017 9:40 pm

Hi juliewr,

Well done for following through on this difficult topic. I'm relieved that you have a supportive sister, with whom your niece can stay.

How are you in all this?

With care,
Xanthia

1000miles
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by 1000miles » Fri Sep 22, 2017 5:33 am

Hi juliewr,

So glad to hear of your helping your niece in this way. Hoping she escapes any further abuse.

1000miles

juliewr
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by juliewr » Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:43 pm

Well, this didn't go as well as I had hoped. We made an anonymous call and few days later a social worker went and talked to my niece at school. She was reluctant to say anything and declined to let a nurse or anybody check her butt for bruising. I am not even a little surprised by this. My parents always fed me so many things to be scared of if I ever told anybody or showed anybody. It was always how I wouldn't be believed and they would beat me so badly for telling, etc. I know that is why my niece was quiet about it.

The school informed my sister of the meeting, as per policy, once it was determined there was no evidence of abuse. The social worker told her that "if she is spanking" it would be wise not to leave marks or use anything other than her open hand.

My sister was furious at my niece and demanded to know who she told what that made the social worker come to the school. She attempted to spank it out of her by harshly spanking her bare butt with the belt to the point where she had covered her in dark welts. My niece just kept saying she didn't know, she didn't say anything, etc.

I only found out about this when my niece told me about it several days later, this past Friday. I called CPS again. I don't know what they will do if she does not tell them or show them. I asked her if her butt still had marks, because Friday was 3 days after, and she said yes, she had some purple and yellow bruises.

I hope this time she opens up to CPS.

reisha
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by reisha » Sat Sep 30, 2017 10:39 pm

is there any way ya can take pix of the marks & welts & bruises?

Xanthia
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia » Sat Sep 30, 2017 10:44 pm

Hi juliewr,

Here with you. Sounds a very difficult time for all concerned.

May your niece have courage to show the marks to strangers.

Sending you strength for potential family storm.

With care,
Xanthia

1000miles
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by 1000miles » Sun Oct 01, 2017 2:01 am

Ugh. So sorry to hear of the fallout. Such a tough situation. Wishing there was some way to give your niece courage to show the bruises to the social worker. Hoping with all my heart she can find the courage to stand up for herself. (No child should be put in such a position!)

1000miles

juliewr
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by juliewr » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:58 pm

I haven't seen the marks, she just described them to me. I don't know if I could tell her to show me her butt and let me take pictures. Today is Monday so we will see if CPS comes to the school again.

Xanthia
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:47 pm

Hi juliewr,

You are doing the very best you can to help your niece. May CPS offer useful advice.

Must be really hard for all concerned.

With care,
Xanthia

juliewr
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Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by juliewr » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:25 pm

I just got off of the phone with my sister, my niece's mom, who got a call from CPS today. She does not know that I made the original calls. She is furious. She is planning to "really tear ____'s butt up" on Friday after school and keep her home at the beginning of next week if she needs to because of the marks she is planing to leave. CPS told her that my niece did tell them about getting spanked on the bare butt with a belt and paddle until it leaves bruises, but she declined letting them see her butt. She said she didn't have marks right now. I know that is not true, but I am not surprised she didn't want to show strangers her bare butt. When I was her age, and older, at gym class, sleepovers and even at the pool I was always extremely conscience of what marks may or may not show and how I was standing, what I was wearing, etc. to hide them.

I let my sister know that I believe that she is going too far and should stop using the paddle and belt. I said she should not hit her at all anymore. She said that CPS told her to use her hand if she insists and to consider doing it over clothes. She played along, but she is furious. I have tried to reason with her and I am going to lunch with her on Friday. I hope to talk her out of what she plans to do to m niece that night.

Xanthia
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Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:58 pm

Hi juliewr,

CPS actually advised spanking over clothes?! Wow, that's huge concession. In my state of Australia, any form of hitting minors is against the law.

I hope you and sister can calmly discuss what happens to your niece, particularly in private.

May you remain cool, calm, collected, as you share your thoughts. Perhaps, writing what you want to say could be helpful, structuring it with empathy, compassion and loving kindness, whilst getting across the concept that what is occurring for your niece is not in anyone's best interests.

With care,
Xanthia

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