How to find a therapist

[Wisteria]

I'm new, so my apologies if this has been discussed before. I've been trying online therapy but it's been a big flop. I'm sure I'm partly to blame, but I'm on my seventh therapist in 6 weeks, for various reasons... And I'm sure resistance has to do with some of it.

I'm about to take the plunge into in-person therapy but oh, anxiety! With my insurance I have to call my insurance, answer some questions about my mental health, and then they give me three names of therapists. I guess I then contact them. I tried this several years ago and ugh, it did not go well initially. After two failed attempts I eventually found a great guy, but he has since moved on.

So, my problem is essentially dealing with childhood emotional abuse/neglect that I never dealt with, and instead got involved in some bad relationships. I realize everyone's experience with therapy is different, but how do I find someone experienced in emotional abuse? Is there anything I should specifically ask?

Seems like it's one of those obvious questions that I feel stupid asking, but online therapy has just made me so wary of therapy in general. I'm not keen on putting myself out there again and again and again, especially since in-person therapy is more expensive and initially I'm limited to 10 sessions. Hate to waste time. Thank you!

[recover]

hi wisteria and welcome. no need for any apologies about anything.

in person therapy is a very good idea. i think you can ask the therapist if they have experience in what you need, dealing with childhood emotional abuse/neglect. and see how you feel with the therapist if you feel comfortable, if they seem interested and caring. just some thoughts.

hope it goes well for you.
with support,
recover

[Wisteria]

I need to vent so I'm going to vent here on the off chance someone will read it and understand. But has anyone here had any success with online therapy? I am SO frustrated and am starting to wonder, is it just me?

I just started with this new gal, told her that I wanted to deal with some Emotional Abuse/neglect in my teen years. I said "My mom was cold & unloving. I'd get ignored standing in front of her crying. When she got remarried, I became the scapegoat and devil's spawn. I stayed in my room most of the time and got extremely depressed. Eventually I got over it with the epiphany that no one cares about me but me, so I might as well do whatever the heck I want." Since this was essentially my first real communication with her, I kept it short.

She replied "parents are humans and imperfect and do the best they can do, though it sounds like your needs weren't met... Not because nobody cared but because they were dealing with their own demons."

You know, I'm sure she's right, and it's not like I'm trying to point fingers at my mom per se, but I am trying to validate my own pain! That just flew out the window. I'm not at the point where I want to have sympathy for my mom. I'm so angry right now, because I feel like once again it's all in my head. I'm sure my mother cared in her own demented way. When I was really suicidal in high school, I'm sure her getting me the book "Weird Ways to Die" was thoughtful. Or, a month after being released from the pysch ward for "being homesick" (her interpretation) but really it was for a lame suicide attempt, getting me a utility knife (ie razor) was a nice Christmas gift. Yep, weird way to fricken care. Yes, I know she is human& imperfect but what about me??!!

Yep. Very angry. But I guess that's Therapy for you.

An hour later and I feel crushing sadness, like I just want to cry, feel like I have to rationalize why I feel the way I do about my mom. Then I feel guilty, cuz she was just don't her best.... Which of course goes back to me feeling like a bad ungrateful kid.

This sucks. And this gal therapist told me she specialized in emotional abuse. Really?!