Telling Somebody, Telling Everybody

[Charlie]

Hi everyone. I want to thank those again for the warm welcome - because all of you, and this website, really means a lot to me. Perhaps a large part of it is the anonymity. I am hoping - really hoping - that I will be able to stay here for a long time, and throughout the time I spill the beans to many more people. Like everybody.

For the last six years or so, I had been working on a kind of memoir, and it has been gut-wrenching, to say the least. I have survived sexual abuse, neglect and mental abuse from my parents, multiple molestations and rapes, and mind control. I wrote out everything that had happened to me and everything that I could remember. Memories flooded in the more I wrote and the more I remembered. In the end, I had a 300,000 word book that I wound up editing down to a 175K life story and now it's with an editor with the intention to be published.

However, ever since I handed it off to the editor, I've been going through a LOT of roller-coastering emotions. One day I want to put it out there in hopes to help others. Other days, I live in fear thinking about other people knowing my story and what they will think of me. I am afraid they will think I am a stupid idiot, gross, or not believe me. The few family members I have left will most definitely cut themselves off from me. I fear they will attempt to sue me as well, even though I haven't used anyone's surnames. Worst of all, it's my story and I am more than one part. I'm about nine. It is hard for all nine to reconcile what I even wrote. I am confused.

I guess that is what's been happening here. Just been in a dark place lately.

Thanks for listening.

[fight4me]

Hi Charlie

Welcome to this fab site

You should be very proud of your self for what you have done I am proud of you

I know it's hard to tell your story
And all the things that we feel would happen on the negative side


I don't have the right words for you right now but I just wanted to say
I know how you feel
It's hard

Sending support

Fight4me

[Charlie]

Hi F4M

Thank you. Sometimes support is all that is necessary. Thank you for it.

That is what is so great about this website.

-Charlie

[jocque]

I am glad that you were able to get your story on paper and that you had the guts to put it out to an editor. That would take more strength and bravery than I can even imagine.
Thank you for being strong, and I am so sorry that this has brought back so many memories. We are all behind you

[Charlie]

Dear jocque,

I have to make a huge apology to you because I never came back here to check to see if anyone further commented on my post in this forum, and here YOU did. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry. I feel terrible to leave you hanging like that and I hope you will forgive me.

Thank you for your support.

[earthhorse]

You are strong Charlie and breaking the silence helps us all! Thank you for your strength and determination.

Be safe. Be kind. Take care. You deserve absolute acceptance and all the nurturing and love in the world as you go through this journey of breaking out and letting go. You are worth it!

With love,
EH

[Charlie]

Thank you earthhorse. You are so kind to be so very supportive. I have learned how important support is. I used to be surrounded by such toxic people and have slowly, over many many years, changed that to instead include healthy and good people and jettisoning the monsters. It has NOT been easy, but they are better choices and if I didn't do that, I could not have written the book I am almost done with. Now, after this last edit/rewrite it will be all about the publishing process - another very, very scary jump off the cliff. I know I will have a lot of supporters, but I also know I will have plenty of critics too and I'm going to have to do my best to endure the negative. I must make sure my support system is in place.

[Macfeegle]

If I ever had the guts to do it, I think publishing it would be very helpful for letting go. Only you know what works best for you, but maybe that's an important part of it for you, too. Might help feeling strength in vulnerability, and burn away any sense of shame.

That's my two cents...

MacFeegle