REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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reisha
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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:03 pm

:~> have i told either-a ya how much i appreciate ya, enjoy ya? how much ya mean to me, how i wished we could meet for real down at the local coffee shop? thank ya for bein in my life, even if it 'JUST online'!!! :D

yeah - 9/11 ....
i was here (west coast) when it happened. my then spouse was in L.A., scheduled to fly out to china later that day. begged him not to, he did & was ok. what i remember most is the .... 'hijacked' tv - AllNewsAllTheTime, runnin ~*THAT*~ footage, over&over&over.... w/in 2 or 3 days, i was callin the stations, askin em to STOP IT ALREADY!!!!! - it was ... re-enforcin the trauma.
on tv last nite, they were interviewin kids who were born that yr - to them, its ~*just another history lesson*~ i found that sad, & shocking, until i realized its our version of d day, pearl harbor, hiroshima & nagasaki - i spose each generation has one <sad sigh>. at the time, i knew I had one friend who lost loved ones in one of the planes. since then, ive learned i have three more friends who lost folx. i (sadly) think thats true for many, perhaps a majority(?). whaddo they call .. degrees of separation? - i dunno how to explain what im thinkin - to realize that theres kids - a whole generation that thinks it 'another history lesson'. inna way, i celebrate the ....naivety, otoh, i ... i .... yes, i FEAR their innocence. - or, rather, i fear FOR their innocence(?) - havin never known other..... & in that way, i relate - my ... protecter, or justice aspects, hell - my child parts! - see, these kids dont know anything other than 'post 9/11'. for them, it IS just another lesson. guess all i can do is hope we Teach Them Well..... since they dinna live thru it

i thot i came here to talk bout other stuff - another ~benefit~ of the site, lol - alotta times (most times!) i end up writin sumtin totally other than What I *Thot* i was gonna write about. go figger! <reisha toddles off to go get flat>

{{ISURVIVE!!}}
{{ALLA US!!}}

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Fleur » Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:01 pm

Dear Reisha


Your "another history lesson" gets me thinking of all the people I've met over the years - "you don't f...g get it do you?" in response to my questions. Whatever the topic - great depression, wars, housing, even food availability. Remember when we truly looked forward to Summer fruits? Now they are in shops year round, more or less. Seasonal stuff is blurred - Valentine's and Easter buns in January; Christmas in July; even Halloween is started at least a month early. Maybe it's different where you live?

The sad part for me is the lack of freedom enjoyed by today's children. We'd go off on a bike with a bottle of water, an apple and sandwich. Our parents expected us home by 5pm. We didn't own a watch, so we'd use the free public phone time check "at the third stroke it will be ...." Although I agree with taking care of youngsters, when I see secondary age students being driven to school, I wonder when will they experience independence. There must be a few who, like me, told mother I can go by myself at 5. Mum agreed, provided I went the long way, using the crossing. I used to walk with my son the first 2 years. After that, he moved to a school we needed to drive about 15km.

It was easy to make or purchase gifts because people had so little. My sister, single mother, gave her 3 girls so much that my homemade presents were unappreciated. Those girls had whatever the latest fad might be.

I applaud society changes in attitude towards bullying, abuse, and so on. However, I suspect that these go unchallenged behind closed doors just as frequently as ever. Children are children, regardless of official policy. Grooming, threats, conditional love, etc - all find their mark, because young brains are different from teens' or adults'. Same old story, sigh, the younger the yucky stuff happens, the greater the impact on life.

Apologies, like you said Reisha, what I thought I wanted to write is quite different from actuality.

May there be sunshine to make rainbows in your day.


Soft hugs and pats for cats
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

DewDrop
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by DewDrop » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:47 pm

Hi reisha,

Trying to catch up, amid much missed content.

Still have gnat issues? If so, are they gnats which typically develop in soil, or are they more like a fruit fly? There are a variety of gnats and fruit flies which I control using yellow sticky traps and bowls filled with a mixture of water, apple cider vinegar, sugar and a couple drops of lemon dish soap. If they were gnats hatching from house plants, I would treat the soil(many organic solutions) or introduce a beneficial insect of some kind.

My apologies, if I try to comment on everything, I am getting too overwhelmed... so for now I will stop, and wish you a most pleasant rest of your day.

Much love,

Dewdrop

recover
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by recover » Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:21 am

hi reisha,
reading and caring right here with you.
love,
recover xo

reisha
Member
Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Thu Sep 14, 2017 1:12 am

thank ya, fleur, dewdrop, recover

yes, still battlin gnats ( & now fleas again - grr! tis the season - whole bay area is havin 'record calls for flea exterminators' & waits are several WEEKS. good thing i Noticed, & ordered stuff thru the chewy website.) - dewd, they're more the fruitfly type. as im 'gettin bold' & diggin thru cupboards, fridge, counters, sink..... they're in both fridge AND freezer - dead at the bottom. they like the cats (running) water, ANY liquid left in sink/cups (includin food not totally disposed of in sink drain), sugar/sweet, slop cans, *certain* flavors of wet cat food, snot rags, & just ONE (there are 2) lite fixture on my 12 ft high ceiling - to the best of my investigations. sum-a this i can eliminate, sum i cant. (baby steps!) ....<sigh!>

*WARNING!* MEDICAL RANT AHEAD!:
grr. bummer
B-U-M-M-E-R,
FUKKIT!! (bummer!)
i wish the damn 'new/other' ins lady WOULDA just left the ~denial~ on my VM instead-a WEEKS of pussyfootin phone tag bs i spent - er, WASTED on their sorryass company!!! yes, ya read that rite, kiddos - 'parently, i'll be gettin a letter from their chief med dr sayin they/he/she/it thinks/recomends i keep the psyche team ive got rather than get their med teams. im curious if i .... dont meet the med criteria, or if they cant meet my psyche needs. seems the latter, but i want a more definitive answer, tyvm!! i DID think to tell her that i found that unfortunate, as i have quite a large toolbox of psyche tools, i was hoping to get better med tools & care. i then said, 'so, im understandin ya rite, im bein denied? yes, she says & tells me bout letter - i mean, shit!! their nurse or whoever never did that assessment; **i dinna ~make it that far~** ( the Things We Tell Ourselves!!) - i then said ' so, in lookin for a SNaP plan, i need to look elsewhere. yep. lady said tween the psyche s/w report to their pdoc, .... & then both reports, well
harf'nUMPH!!!
fuuuuuck me!
shakin head, disgusted w/ It All - even tho suspected/knew it was commin, A Part-a me wanted NOT to be denied ( lol - how do ya state that as a pos - hahaha!! thats rich!)
so, now its .... start AllOver (again!) w/ ... either 'll' or 'aa' med ins co's - s'posedly, they *mite* offer sum sorta SNaP ( special needs) plans ... otherwise, its }kaiser{ - 'course, at the snails rate these inquiries're goin, looks like i'll exhaust this yrs options b4 yrs end, & then i can DoItAll over again next yr...
thhiiipphht!!

oh, VONderful - news is warnin bout ... the 'free speech' events at the Big College t'marra/this wkend. - where t is. oughtta be 'fun'.
just kill me now!
<debatin tween wanderin out to kitchen for 'food' (or chore continuation vs pullin head under covers>
guess which wins!?

{{alla us!!}}

Fleur
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Posts: 12493
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Fleur » Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:33 pm

Dear Reisha


I know its none of my business, but I'd be careful (as you noted in an earlier post) about going with Kaiser. Really hope there is something better available. Get the horror of attempting new assessment, partly wanting, partly not wanting, to have special needs met - we'd like to be fully capable, ready to take on the world, wouldn't we?!

May you enjoy sunshine


Caring hugs and chin rubs for kitty cats
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

Harmony
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Harmony » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:32 pm

Dear reisha,

They are my health care provider too. They have been for years. It always takes awhile to get into and learn the health care system. Expect hiccups and bumps as you learn what they do offer and what they don't. I think their physical care is excellent but try not to use their mental health as much. Still your experience will be your own and you are in a different region. Sending you smooth ~~~~~ vibes for getting established in the system. Systems by nature try to focus on what 'most' people need. You are an exception and will need to be treated as such. I hope you find compassion. Best of luck.

with care,
Harmony

reisha
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Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:05 pm

fleur - are ya sure ya aarent a 'closet american'? lol there've been a coupla-a yer posts lately that seem to understand 'US" only too well! :o ;) :lol:

harmony - yeah, i have a few friends who have, & actually LIKE kaiser. it works well for em - course, these're folx who're ~basically~ healthy; or simply Dont Go To Drs. i had it many yrs ago - they missed/mis-dx'd my arm symptoms & kept pumpin me fulla moreNmore motrin - by the end, i was takin over 4200mg of that s*** a day! - NOT good for one's innards! & it was the arm symptoms that eventually led to pain mngmnt, which led to the cervical fusion, which led to, .... well, yano .... w/ the perm nerve damage to arm to boot. 'grr' dunna *quite* cover it. i think id risk bein un-insured rather than 'go kaiser' ever again.

last nite, i forgot to report this: in the local freebie 'rag', there was an ad for a depression study @ the Big College. i called. they called me back, finally. i did 'pass' the initial phone call; t'marra (morn - ug!) is the 'in depth' phone int'view of 20 - 60 minnits - curious to the wide time range there. . *if* i pass that, then theres a 3 - hr in person int'view. *if* i pass that, its ... 20 - 26 sessions over 16wks of cbt, w/ hmwk. audio & video recorded, purpose to research cbt vs med treatment for depression. done by clinical/social psyche grad students. no meds involved or changed w/ this. & then after there's 3 more 'post care' int'views @ 2wks, 6 & 12 months. gift cards of $25, $75, $100 at those times. funded by an MIH grant. will talk w/ t today bout Alla This.

today, i feel a lil more sad/down. - this ins thing is ...... defeating, frustrating.
but the past wk or so ive been HUNGRY!!!! been eatin more the last few days than i probly did the whole MONTH b4 -not really, but kinda - *should* step on scale, but fukkit! im not gonna & you cant make me <said in best indignant 5 y/o voice as i fold arms over chest, turn & stomp away!>

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Fleur » Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:36 am

Dear Reisha


Perhaps "closet global" might better describe me - I read worldwide news on health, education and really anything that captures my attention

The college study sounds gruelling regimen, but could have helpful, useful tips. They are students who are supervised, one presumes, by academic staff members? You could teach them as well as getting assistance. May all interviews go well, if you choose to proceed

Wishing you well on the "hungry" aspect. I'm eating only when I feel empty, trying hard to have a halfway decent dietary intake


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

reisha
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Posts: 1605
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Mon Sep 18, 2017 1:54 am

lol, fluer ( at 'closet global') - mostly, i wouldna think US is ... i dunno how to say ..... im not so arrogant as to think everyone watches/cares what US is up to - or, i think we ... give ourself more 'global press' than the global press does, if that makes sense?

yeah, it'd be a ... ~commitment~ - &, i kinda do have a (recent) herstory of ..... not ~bein committed~ enuff to my ... (psyche) healin - missin appts & bein too 'gumstuck in bedlock' to Get My Act Together enuff to go to t.... <she says, sumwhat bitterly>
otoh, i think i wanna do this. when i told t, she seemed a lil bristlely, dunna usually work w/ others... then she asked why i was interested & i siad 1) its a kinda way to 'give back' - like ya said, maybe learn em a lil, lol! ;) 2) cbt has been helpful to me in the past; would a refresher course ~hurt~? (rhetorical query!) 3) it'd ... Get Me Out - & (back) onna college campus - things to do/see, courses to maybe consider, people to watch, perhaps interact w/; & yes, 4) probly a bit spurred by t's recent announcement that she's retirin in april.

KIM, i called these guys WayBackWhen i *thot* i was switchin to that other ins which woulda met my MED needs so much better, but dinna have good psyche resources. & i was all jazzed that i was cobblin t'gether a ~good change, a better 'fit'~
now, im kinda fightin (yet another!) against the insidious nasty, evil lil beastie uva voice tellin me (yet again, still!) that im not *gud enuff* - even tho, in this case, its more uva not f'd up enuff (talkin bout those 'pos affirmations' cbt's so fond of - ha!) :?

yeah, had the in depth phone int'view - bout 40 minnits. it'll be run by her supe, & i should get a cal sumtime next wk, on way or the other. we'll see. now i kinda wanna do it, to 'spite' my t, as she dinna seem real keen on this. - as long as everyone agrees, & is on same pg, its good. elsewise, i have a decision commin up, aside from deeper lookin into the 'll' &/or 'aa' ins co's

but ^that^ convo left me wonderin where cynicism/bitterness gives way to depression.

gotta longass 'ta da' list of Important BS to tend to this wk - i did get to ss office just under the 4pm wire on fri - i found the paystubs!. so, they should have the med part decision w/in 60 days & the work .. whatever payment issues decision w/in 30 days. ( & dont think i dont have a thing or 3 to say about THAT, har-f'n-UMPH!) ha! hows <--- THAT for a 'pos affirmation'!? - dont 2 negs make a pos? ;)

more stuff i wanted to get to/talk about, but need liquid/food & to get flat here soon

{{{ALLA US!!!}}}

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