Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
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Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
I'm asking this question because I am confused about what I read about this topic on the internet. Some say that it is possible to fully recover, while others say that child abuse survivors are like a piece of crumpled paper that will never be completely flat again like it was before.
(With full recovery I think of being happy and being able to enjoy life like a person who wasn't abused as a child.)
(With full recovery I think of being happy and being able to enjoy life like a person who wasn't abused as a child.)
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Hi mrbluesky,
I have witnessed people come full circle in their recovery from child abuse and reclaim their lives. They are happy, strong and fulfilled. It's incredibly inspiring.
In my personal experience, though I am not where I want to be yet, (depression is still a big problem for me), I have come a very long way with healing and my life has improved enormously because of the commitment to heal from csa. If nothing else I have gone a long way to reclaiming my personhood and dignity.
Have you seen the film groundhog day? Well the premise of the film is that this guy wakes up in the same day everyday and he has to try and work out a way to get out. Each day he tries a different tactic, he wakes up in that same day over and over again. However, eventually, he has worked out all the things he can do to make that day a good day for himself and for as many other people as possible. Then finally he wakes up and it's the day after and his life can continue. He has changed as a person and everything now has a lot more value and connection. For me healing from csa and its symptoms is like this. I think it is also a good analogy for what its like to live with complex PTSD like I do.
Be careful with the sources that imply that survivors are never able to mend. The cultural tendency is to blame and stigmatize victims of violence, not address the source. Many studies show that perpetrators of abuse were victims themselves. Healing from csa is a vital to ending the cycle of abuse, and that is also most certainly possible.
Take wonderful care of you.
Wishing you the best of everything,
EH
I have witnessed people come full circle in their recovery from child abuse and reclaim their lives. They are happy, strong and fulfilled. It's incredibly inspiring.
In my personal experience, though I am not where I want to be yet, (depression is still a big problem for me), I have come a very long way with healing and my life has improved enormously because of the commitment to heal from csa. If nothing else I have gone a long way to reclaiming my personhood and dignity.
Have you seen the film groundhog day? Well the premise of the film is that this guy wakes up in the same day everyday and he has to try and work out a way to get out. Each day he tries a different tactic, he wakes up in that same day over and over again. However, eventually, he has worked out all the things he can do to make that day a good day for himself and for as many other people as possible. Then finally he wakes up and it's the day after and his life can continue. He has changed as a person and everything now has a lot more value and connection. For me healing from csa and its symptoms is like this. I think it is also a good analogy for what its like to live with complex PTSD like I do.
Be careful with the sources that imply that survivors are never able to mend. The cultural tendency is to blame and stigmatize victims of violence, not address the source. Many studies show that perpetrators of abuse were victims themselves. Healing from csa is a vital to ending the cycle of abuse, and that is also most certainly possible.
Take wonderful care of you.
Wishing you the best of everything,
EH
"One kind word can warm three winter months"
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Thanks so much for your post!
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Hi mrbluesky
Nice to meet you
You have asked a very good question .
Personal Ibelieve that one day we will all Benin the place that we whish to be
The road can benlong very bumpy and very hard work
However I feel we also develop as a person and change from whonwe were ....which is somebody in alot of pain and not knowing where to go..... To a person who is fully equipped with tools to be able to deal with emotions and and fine new ways of coping ..which will allow us to be happy and enjoy life
Everbody is different and we will all take different roads and some will be longer
But you are in controll ofnwhat you do and if you believe in your self you can do it ...
You will get all the support here in need .
I hope that has helped if not please disgard
Stay strong
Fight4me
Nice to meet you
You have asked a very good question .
Personal Ibelieve that one day we will all Benin the place that we whish to be
The road can benlong very bumpy and very hard work
However I feel we also develop as a person and change from whonwe were ....which is somebody in alot of pain and not knowing where to go..... To a person who is fully equipped with tools to be able to deal with emotions and and fine new ways of coping ..which will allow us to be happy and enjoy life
Everbody is different and we will all take different roads and some will be longer
But you are in controll ofnwhat you do and if you believe in your self you can do it ...
You will get all the support here in need .
I hope that has helped if not please disgard
Stay strong
Fight4me
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Something useful my t once said to me, ran something as follows:
Me: But I have baggage!
t: *shrugs* Who doesn't?
I think life crumples everyone at least a little bit, but we can do an amazing amount of smoothing out given enough time and the resources we need to heal. Which is quite different for everyone, and oh boy am I impatient when I realise it can be a matter of years.
So yes, I think we can find our way to wonderful places. We may find we end up with a few quirks, such as great empathy, but I think I'll be able to live with that.
Me: But I have baggage!
t: *shrugs* Who doesn't?
I think life crumples everyone at least a little bit, but we can do an amazing amount of smoothing out given enough time and the resources we need to heal. Which is quite different for everyone, and oh boy am I impatient when I realise it can be a matter of years.
So yes, I think we can find our way to wonderful places. We may find we end up with a few quirks, such as great empathy, but I think I'll be able to live with that.
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Hi mrbluesky,
I believe healing is possible, because I've experienced in my own journey.
I also believe that no one really gets through life unscathed. There's a lot of wounded people out there.
And unhealed hurt people continue to hurt other people but healed hurt people help others heal.
That's what we do here at isurvive. We learn to thrive in various ways and reach out and help others.
I believe joy is possible even with the scars of abuse. I believe...
Sequoia
I believe healing is possible, because I've experienced in my own journey.
I also believe that no one really gets through life unscathed. There's a lot of wounded people out there.
And unhealed hurt people continue to hurt other people but healed hurt people help others heal.
That's what we do here at isurvive. We learn to thrive in various ways and reach out and help others.
I believe joy is possible even with the scars of abuse. I believe...
Sequoia
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
Thanks a lot for your great answers to my question!
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
I believe it is.
I already see an almost impossible but very real amount of positive change in my life. It took more work than I ever could have thought I could live through. But it's healing and it's real. The bad days are tough. But the good ones show me how much a person is capable of. Keep on fighting. The more you want it, the more you will work on it. The more you will work on it, the further and healthier and happier you'll get. I, too, have friends who are in incredible places given their totally insane pasts. I look and just marvel. G-d put more coping skills within us than we realize. We need to tap into those and to believe in ourselves and in that He can help.
I hope this was helpful. I really believe everything I wrote.
I already see an almost impossible but very real amount of positive change in my life. It took more work than I ever could have thought I could live through. But it's healing and it's real. The bad days are tough. But the good ones show me how much a person is capable of. Keep on fighting. The more you want it, the more you will work on it. The more you will work on it, the further and healthier and happier you'll get. I, too, have friends who are in incredible places given their totally insane pasts. I look and just marvel. G-d put more coping skills within us than we realize. We need to tap into those and to believe in ourselves and in that He can help.
I hope this was helpful. I really believe everything I wrote.
Last edited by PeacefulNinja on Fri Apr 01, 2016 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to TN
Reason: Changed MT to TN
FrumSurvivor
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
mrbluesky
I do not think we "recover". I think it makes us who we are. The abuse is integral to us. It cannot be undone. It makes us who we are. We can still be successful and have the things people want like love, fun, laughter, family, friends, safety, peace, etc., but we are still who we are. We are was shaped, molded, and melded by our experiences, both good experiences and bad experiences. We can't change the past or worry of the future we only have now. We exist in the present, shaped by the past with the opportunity to choose in each moment.
You are deserving of what you want.
PeacefulNinja
I do not think we "recover". I think it makes us who we are. The abuse is integral to us. It cannot be undone. It makes us who we are. We can still be successful and have the things people want like love, fun, laughter, family, friends, safety, peace, etc., but we are still who we are. We are was shaped, molded, and melded by our experiences, both good experiences and bad experiences. We can't change the past or worry of the future we only have now. We exist in the present, shaped by the past with the opportunity to choose in each moment.
You are deserving of what you want.
PeacefulNinja
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Re: Is a full recovery from child abuse possible?
I think we will all have our crumples no matter what. That said we are not damaged goods. I recently left my husband because he considered me "damaged goods" from past abuse. But when talking with a friend we talked about how when your break a bone and it heals that spot is often stronger than the rest of the bone. That perhaps survivors of abuse end up like that. When we are healed we are stronger than something that hasn't been broken.
While I still have a TON of healing to do and some things I havent even touched I believe my experiences give me a unique look on life. I am a teacher and my interactions with my students is much different than many teachers. I see the kids and know that there are children in my class being abused (I cant prove it or have reported it and nothing...). Children who I cannot save from their situation...BUT I can love them. I can show them that there are people in this world they can trust. I have much more patience with my students than my co-workers because sometimes I see a child who isn't here to learn but to survive. I am able to patiently work with students who drive other teachers up the wall. Because I see in them that hurt. I know it. I know what it feels like. And while that isn't full healing in any stretch of the imagination it is an indication of surviving and thriving. My experience gives me a dose of empathy that lets me help other children. And if I can help other children I will call it a successful life and a happy one.
Yes it will always be part of who we are and why we are the way we are. But is that a bad thing all the time? While I would never wish my experiences on others I see how some of them have molded me into a kinder, more generous and empathetic person.
-C
While I still have a TON of healing to do and some things I havent even touched I believe my experiences give me a unique look on life. I am a teacher and my interactions with my students is much different than many teachers. I see the kids and know that there are children in my class being abused (I cant prove it or have reported it and nothing...). Children who I cannot save from their situation...BUT I can love them. I can show them that there are people in this world they can trust. I have much more patience with my students than my co-workers because sometimes I see a child who isn't here to learn but to survive. I am able to patiently work with students who drive other teachers up the wall. Because I see in them that hurt. I know it. I know what it feels like. And while that isn't full healing in any stretch of the imagination it is an indication of surviving and thriving. My experience gives me a dose of empathy that lets me help other children. And if I can help other children I will call it a successful life and a happy one.
Yes it will always be part of who we are and why we are the way we are. But is that a bad thing all the time? While I would never wish my experiences on others I see how some of them have molded me into a kinder, more generous and empathetic person.
-C
Be the Light in someone's night.