Letting go

[wolfspirit]

Mmmm I’m going to try some of these muffins. Thanks for asking dancingfish and for sharing, honeybera.

[honeybera]

I awakened this morning with the dawning knowledge that this WOE is actually a bit difficult to get used to. But OMG, THE BENEFITS of it!!

Then I went into my kitchen to finally make those muffins that I've been thinking about (Pineapple flavored + some Creme Bouquet flavoring and a dash of Mexican Vanilla - and they smell as good while baking as they sound!!), but what other American kitchen has those flavorings? I began Atkins in Nov. 2007, did that for a LONG time until it quit working, and then switched to my current WOE (strict Ketogenic with Intermittent Fasting) seven months ago. This new one DOES work!! But my kitchen, due to low carb eating over the years, is probably like none other...or at least very, very few others. I am totally geared up for any low carb/keto friendly recipe I see out there! Almond flour? Check. Coconut flour? Yep. Any kind of flavoring? Oh sure! Baskets of little vials and bottles of these, each with their eye droppers in place, plus rows of tall bottles of DaVinci or Torani syrups (sugar free of course) in ALL flavors neatly lined up in exposed portable cabinets, each one topped with a DaVinci syrup pump top ($1.99 each at Netrition). Yes, I've been at this for years and years!

But even more, I realized the valuable knowledge that I've gained with each YouTube video AND website regarding all of this, hundreds of hours worth of watching and reading! Plus the wealth of knowledge understanding the value of this WOE through the food items that I make/store/EAT, like how insulin (and even stress) affects my weight gain or loss, how the entire metabolic thing works (IN DEPTH!), how early fatty liver disease (and fatty pancreatic disease) begins, and how that affects my own insulin production and thereby impacts my insulin resistance, and of course, as that progresses over the decades: Type 2 Diabetes! T2D is a dreadful disease!

All the doctors (and the Big Food, Big Pharma, and Big Ag sponsored American Diabetic Association website) say that it's a "progressive disease", but I am living proof that that is NOT the case! In 2010, when I had my 93 lb. weight loss on Atkins (when N was here), I had to have a CAT scan. I had to quit Metformin for 2 wks. before the scan, and they insisted that I be checked to make sure that I could begin taking it again. But I was busy working and didn't get checked out for months, at which time they noticed that I no longer was diabetic! So until N left and I regained 60 lbs. in a couple of months, I needed no Metformin. I KNOW that I can do that again (not the weight gain! ) because I understand the science behind it now.

Having said that, I now consider "giving the recipe" for basic almond flour muffins less than adequate. It IS the recipe, but there is SO much more to this! I'd consider writing a blog, but there are already a LOT of blogs out there already and I'd just be being redundant. So let me say this: IF you are interested in doing this, you've got to be dead serious! I DO NOT EAT FAST FOOD...EVER! It is worse (MUCH WORSE) than eating sugars and/or grains alone...metabolically. I can have the burger and bacon and cheese and veggies and fat since all of these foods are keto friendly, but combined with a bun, it is the worst thing that you can do! Add a Coke (full of sugar/fructose), milk shake (high fat + lactose [milk sugar]), and a deep fried root vegetable (french fries) and you have disaster...metabolically, of course! This type of "meal" would send my blood sugars into the stratosphere!!

I can even have CREAM PIE or a lusciously creamy CHEESECAKE (the REAL recipe: FULL FAT!), but with a nut crust ONLY, and the crust made with butter. Or a nice cuppa my Cream of Asparagus (or Broccoli or Cauliflower or w/e) soup, using my spices to flavor it into veggie heaven! Or a main dish of beef, chicken, or fish. Lots of cheese. DS made a hamburger patty with zero carb cheese slices last night and saved it. I'm going to see if he wants that, or I can make a fresh one of his 1/3 lb. Bubba Burgers (we bought 3 meat presses from Amazon and he now makes his own), sandwich it with crispy lettuce, tomato slices, red onion, and avocado, add homemade mayo, and have that with a cuppa soup! I'm telling you: WE EAT WELL! Plus I get a nice fresh Pineapple (FLAVORED) muffin for dessert! And I've lost a MINIMUM of 30 lbs. so far...and I have moved away from the brink of death where I had been standing for so long, confused as to WHY Atkins was no longer working for me!

So yeah, this is my lifeline ATM. I have also decided that this is MORE IMPORTANT than even my fresh fruit in the backyard, so THIS YEAR it's all going into the garbage! It's all (naturally) full of fructose, and this year I am still trying desperately to lose weight. Fructose hits the liver ONLY AND it cannot be metabolized anywhere else, and as fatty and non-functional as my liver must have been (non-alcoholic fatty liver disease or NAFLD), I only wish for it to be healing up from my ignorant abuse of it and not to dump additional fructose on it to metabolize, not from ANY source, NOT EVEN MY OWN FRUIT from my fruit trees! So for this year, NO MORE FRUIT! Squash is ok, as are tomatoes and peppers, and I'm growing herbs, too, which are ok. Strawberries (in STRICT moderation) are ok, too, as are my cucumbers and lemons. By this time next year, I should be nearing or at my goal weight. Then a piece of fruit a day should be ok. BUT JUST ONE!

It's time to make the Cream of Asparagus Soup (one of my favs!) and some Faux Potato Salad! I've not made this particular recipe YET, but I'd really like to! It's got all of the normal ingredients of a regular potato salad (WHICH I L♥VE!!!), eggs, SF pickles, onion (or onion powder), mayo, mustard, and some herbs and spices, and then chill well, but I'll substitute cauliflower for the potatoes! It gets rave reviews! Fingers crossed!!

Oh, and I'm working on assembling my cookbook, too. Plus clearing off the kitchen table of "donations". I need to get to donating soon!! Lots to do!

Better than being bored!!

Honeybera

[wolfspirit]

I so wish I could come to the honeybera cafe sometime!

[honeybera]

I so wish I could come to the honeybera cafe sometime!

You'd always be welcome! I once had a coworker of mine give me a license plate holder for my RV that said, "Xxxxx's Cafe" (with my real name on it) - and I still have it. I'm thinking of putting it up in my kitchen! She said my RV's kitchen always smelled so good. I even used to BBQ on the tailgate of my truck until they tightened up the rules and said we could not do that anymore. But there's no one and no rules HERE at my home to say no to me!

I tried to see if I could find some friends again on LowCarbFriends dot com, but they have shut down their forums. Sadly! I may try my FREE membership in Silver Sneakers, an exercise program for the active elderly like me, to find some friends. My garden gives me all the exercise I can stand! One of my peach trees was so overladen with fruit that it just fell over out there. I really need to prune my trees more! And that is time consuming, yet it's also great exercise. I'm also going to set up my recumbent "tadpole" trike in the garage to "ride" it as a stationary bike until I'm a bit more ready for riding it in the street in front of everyone. As soon as we set up the punching/body bag for DS, I'm thinking of making it into a mini-gym out there, with the trike and a weight bench. I know we'd use it. I love to ride a bike, too, but I thought my bike riding days were over - however, I'm beginning to see how that really doesn't have to be the case anymore!

=====================================(2am!!)

OMG!! I LOVE MY LIFE!!!! And no one can take it away from me!!!!! I just realized that there are people who understand those of us who love love LOVE our recumbent trikes! I once saw Jake Clapper, the owner and developer of the American Landstrider (tadpole style) Recumbent Trikes, as I drove my transit bus and he took his morning ride along the same route. I actually pulled up alongside of him and said breathlessly, "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!? I WANT ONE!!" I once saw the drawings/blueprints of a tadpole trike in the Mother Earth News (an old hippie magazine) and fell in love! Now, with the wonders of the internet, I have found an actual shop within 2 hours from here that sells and customizes these trikes. Mine is now old and sitting in the garage underneath all the junk out there. It's considered "rare" now. Jake was one of the original designers of this style. Now it needs to be refurbished and this may be a good place to start. Jake himself was the last one to work on my trike, but he kind of messed it up, especially the brakes. I'm wondering if someone could put some better brakes on it, brakes with push-button stops like the ones that came with the trike originally so I could park it on a hill if desired without it rolling away. That's what it had, but now it only has Velcro straps to wrap around the brakes - just not really good enough.

There's one YouTube video of this one guy with a "tricked out" Catrike with a motorized Bion-X electronic assist and TONS of gadgets/accessories on it! I drooled!!! I have to get ahold of these guys to see if they could help me out with the refurbishing and the brake replacement! And if not them, then maybe they can tell me who?

I noticed that many older people are out there riding these. I'm also thinking, "Why not me?!" I have a long way to go to get my stomach down in size so I can ride my trike better, BUT I am moving in the right direction ATM. Instead of getting bigger and bigger, I'm actually losing weight now! Nah, this story is not over by a long shot. I can do this again and have FUN doing it!! And I am NOT telling MD any of this!! Not even my DB! They don't deserve to know, and I'm not tipping my hand just to be ridiculed in the cruelest way possible and discouraged from doing exactly as I please. So there!

Time to get some well deserved sleep now...

Honeybera

[dancingfish]

Thanks so much for the recipe, Honeybera! I now have some erythritol (with a bit of stevia added, so it sounds a lot like Swerve) and will experiment. My main diet is mostly okay if I manage sensible portions and move around a bit during the day - it's somewhat low carb, tends to have lots of salad and stir fries and things. When I'm feeling a bit :| though, my sweet tooth rears its pointy head and wants to devour cake endlessly. If I can find something "healthy" to kind of take care of this, it would go a long way to help I think. Mostly I'm trying to be more healthy at the moment, and keep the energy levels up.

For your fruit harvests, is there a way you could give/donate/sell the excess? Perhaps you know some people who wouldn't mind some delicious fruits, or a local farm/produce shop, or else is the "community supported agriculture" food boxes in some states a option? Just a thought, I like to think the wonderful literal fruits of your labours could find a good home if they're too much for you. :D Although I do love the idea of a honeybera café..! And why not have a blog? :) Each person's one is different, and yours would be too. A friend of mine set one up on the blogger website I think, and now has several people on there she follows and speaks with about her favourite dishes. If you want to do one, you can have one! (Although please do keep us posted about your garden on here from time to time... :D)

Hope that's not too overwhelming, and perhaps you have caution because you don't wish to do a bunch of extra things at the moment. Just didn't want you to think you couldn't write because other people are. The majority of food/diet blogs I come across seem to be geared up to make money too (keywords/happy shiny profile pic/ads etc.), which makes them pretty dull. ;) Yours would be pretty super, I'm sure! You very knowledgeable as well. :)

The trike idea sounds excellent, too! Hopefully you're able to look into that to your satisfaction. :) Hope the heat isn't too much for you out there, take care now!

[wolfspirit]

I just imagined you cruising down the street on your trike, selling your fruits and veggies. Singing along and have a great time.
I love the images you create in my mind, honeybera!
Hope you can find some help in restoring your beloved transportation machine.

[honeybera]

Hi guys!

I just imagined you cruising down the street on your trike, selling your fruits and veggies. Singing along and have a great time.

Oh no, ws!! It's not that kind of a trike! It's this kind: https:// www dot youtube dot com/user/Laid Back Cycles This place is only a few hours away from me...AND I have a pickup truck with a long bed in it and lots of free time. AND these guys hold "social events"! Granted, my recumbent trike is years old and doesn't have a power assist electric motor on it (YET!), BUT this is very exciting to me!! Being a recumbent trike, riding it in that position is a real workout for the tummy, legs and thighs, and the old gluteus maximus! J made my trike with an actual sling back lawn-chair-like seat on it: the utmost in comfort!

I'm thinking seriously about first taking my "old" (read: CLASSIC!) original American Landstrider recumbent trike up there to have them take a look at it. If anyone would understand my beloved trike, they would! I want to know if they could/would replace my current "brakes" (wrapping Velcro around the brake to hold it on a hill: frightfully inefficient!) back to the original brakes (press a metal button and lock the brake in place). J removed that whole original braking system without my approval and kept it! He added two speeds to my original 3 speeds which didn't improve a thing. I should not have messed around with it. I haven't ridden it since. It sits in my garage, sad and all alone. I want to get it out from under the junk, set it up originally as an exercise recumbent trike by setting the rear wheel on a platform holder so I can "ride" it, yet not move nor be seen...not quite yet. Still kind of shy. But I'll get there. Maybe by this time next year, or even next Spring. I'd like to take my trike up to the experts way before then though. See what they think. This is to their recumbents like a brand new Ferrari would be to a Model T Ford! But even a Model T frame can be souped up into a true hot rod! And that's what I want!

So not to put down your images of an old lady pedaling along with her backyard grown fruits and veggies for sale in the attached front and rear baskets, dear heart, but I do have slightly racier ideas in mind!

Hope you can find some help in restoring your beloved transportation machine.

Yes, I think these guys can really help me realize a dream! I may end up just buying one of their trikes, too. I believe I could still lift something weighing what these trikes weigh up into my pickup and heading for a "social event" (♥♥ a whole bunch of recumbent trike enthusiasts out for a ride en masse ♥♥). I'd like that SO MUCH MORE than Bingo or even Zumba at the nearby Senior Center! Since my generator (for my RV) isn't in the truck bed any longer, I might even have room for two trikes (and a friend)? Who knows where this will go? I know one thing: all that exercise (plus the gardening) should strengthen my body! I'd love to have better musculature again! My muscles are nothing but flab now, but all that is reversible!

And the best part is that MD doesn't have a CLUE that any of this is going on, and thereby she cannot spoil it for me!! I am telling NO ONE!! Not until it's too late for her to spoil it for me! And hooking up with these recumbent trike enthusiasts seems a great way to start for me!

AND my new shoes came in! I need to try them on and see if they fit. If they do, they stay. If not, they'll be returned. I'm dying to try them on, and yet I keep procrastinating. MD didn't win, but she's made the challenge harder for me to overcome. I may be wounded AND the challenge harder, but I'm NOT DEAD YET!! This was the attitude that I've always possessed - and the one that always drove her NUTS! She always tried to "break my spirit", but luckily, she couldn't quite do it, not with beatings, not with vicious psychological subterfuge or stratagem - and that frustrated her. GOOD!!! She wanted to WIN, dammit!!! And now she'll not get another chance to do so. Neener, neener, neener!!!!

Thanks so much for the recipe, Honeybera!

Thanks for asking for it, dear dancingfish! Your request got me into finishing up my cookbook - or at least what I've gotten so far, since my cookbook is a dynamic piece of work, expanding every time I find a new recipe that reads to me as SCRUMPTIOUS and keepable! I am just about to reorder more 2" binders for my recipe collections. My current cookbook binders are beginning to bulge! I found some on Amazon in patterns that I like. I usually just order plain ones that have a place in both the front and back covers and the binder's spine for customized pictures and names of what's inside, but these patterned ones don't have that. However, I figure that as they would become my "kitchen friends" and would be recognizable by way of the patterns alone (and are SO pretty!), I may just get them anyway. I'm having fun (real freedom and fun!) for the first time in my life!

I now have some erythritol (with a bit of stevia added, so it sounds a lot like Swerve) and will experiment. My main diet is mostly okay if I manage sensible portions and move around a bit during the day - it's somewhat low carb, tends to have lots of salad and stir fries and things.

I see. The Swerve is good, if not best. Straight erythritol can have a "cooling effect", but when mixed with a small amount of either stevia or monk fruit, that effect is lessened or eliminated. You can actually buy it in that form already.

Although salads and veggies are usually ok in moderate amounts, too much can throw me out of ketosis (and fat-burning) just like that! It sounds like you aren't having too many problems with your weight. For me, the weight loss is only a happy benefit AND is needed for good diabetes control, but I'm in it for the health benefits as well. As I've said before, I was "circling the drain": heart failure, horrible, painful, debilitating arthritis, out of control diabetes...the list goes on! Now all that has/is going away! You should see my skinny ankles! No more edema! No more gingivitis (bleeding gums)!! No more arthritis back and shoulder pain (or foot or hand pain)!!! No more breathlessness when I walk! AND NO MORE CANE, EITHER - I no longer waddle along; I STRIDE, cane free!! So many, many things are better and/or improving! I don't care if I lose a lb. or not. My health is SO IMPROVED! And the losing of actual poundage doesn't hurt my feelings either!

For your fruit harvests, is there a way you could give/donate/sell the excess?

Yes, there are many ways, and I suppose I could do that. I know how. There are many food banks, plus I could sell to the health food store for cash or barter - they've said yes to all. I don't know why that doesn't appeal to me yet. Maybe just donate to a food bank would be better for me. Payback for all those years that I took donations from the food banks (when I was POOR!), but something just stops me. I may need to deeply ponder that.

And why not have a blog?

Heaven knows I love to write! You can't shut me up on here!! It's a thought. Again: I need to deeply ponder that.

If you want to do one, you can have one! (Although please do keep us posted about your garden on here from time to time... )

I sure will! I love to share with you guys!

Hope that's not too overwhelming, and perhaps you have caution because you don't wish to do a bunch of extra things at the moment. Just didn't want you to think you couldn't write because other people are...Yours would be pretty super, I'm sure! You very knowledgeable as well.

Well, thanks! And no, it's not too overwhelming. I'm giving that some thought. Seriously. Routes to end this hermit-like behavior of mine are opening up to me, like writing my own blog or participating in a mass recumbent trike "social event". It may take some time to accomplish, but I really like these ideas!

Hope the heat isn't too much for you out there, take care now!

WAY over 100ºF (104º-106ºF) temps are coming for at least the next 2 weeks! Time to move those strawberries to the much cooler east side of the house so they only get MORNING sun! And stake up my Rampicante Zucchino squash since it's growing (read: slithering) rapidly along the ground right now, heading for my citrus trees! YIKES! (But don't let me kid you! I knew the job was dangerous when I planted it and the package said it needed to grow vertical OR I'd need at least 30 FEET OF ROOM for it!! Double YIKES!)

I need to get moving...and hurry before this whole thing crashes. I need to, as my DS puts it, "flush the toilet" on my poor old long-working laptop. It's getting wobbly again. Needs a reboot. Take care, ♥all of you♥!! I may yet crawl out of my safety shell here in my home and out into the brightly glaring sunlight, scared of what's out there for me, but determined to try anyway.

Honeybera

[wolfspirit]

Ooooookay. I get what you mean now. I've seen a few people riding those around here.
They look fun!
Hope you can get that plan going with cruising around and getting a little exercise. Maybe some fellow riders to chat with. I'm sure you'd make them laugh!

So glad your health is strong and you're feeling awesome. I agree with dancingfish- start a blog!

hugs,

ws

[honeybera]

My precious Butterbutt died this afternoon. !!! They said at the vet that she got some arsenic poison that thinned her blood until she bled to death internally...she may have found a dead poisoned rat and eaten it. She was ok last night...sort of. And I stayed up with her all night as she got worse and worse. At 8am sharp, we walked into the vet hospital. Our regular vet was not there (her day off), so we got the on call vet. By this time, Butterbutt was limp and droopy. They pumped her full of stuff (who knows what!), and then they called me to transport her to another 24-hr. vet some 50 miles away. They said she was "looking much better" and was ready to be transported to the new 24 hr. vet, but when we walked in to our regular vet's office a mere 20 min. later, they said she took a turn for the worse. REALLY???!!!! When they brought us in "to see her", she appeared to be already DEAD. They were injecting her with "epinephrine"- ???? She had no allergies. EVER. WTF??!!

Last night she could barely walk and was resting limply in my arms while I sat up and watched TV, but I decided to get a cuppa coffee at 5am. I laid her down on her bed in my room, but she got up and followed me, wobbling all the way down our long hall, and collapsed on my bare foot, leaving a small spot of blood on my foot. She loved me so much!!!!!! She could not imagine being away from me for even the time it took to get a cuppa coffee. MY GOD, I'LL MISS HER SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have anyone else to tell about this! I have this horrible sense of GRIEF in my chest! The stand-in vet blamed me for not taking her to the emergency vet in our area, but I didn't even think about it. They're only open from 5pm-7am, and by the time I began to panic, I only had a couple of hours to wait for our regular vet to open at 8am. She'd rally, and then she'd get worse. I just didn't know. I AM SO SORRY!! I WOULD NEVER HURT MY BUTTERBUTT!!! My tiny one, only 6 lbs., but she fit so perfectly in my arms.

You are my only friends. DS is my only family. My dogs were my only comfort in this isolated world, and now one of them is dead. After she passed, I stayed with her for about an hour in an adjoining room with just my DS and poor tiny Butterbutt. Her eyes were open and she was even still warm as I petted and petted her for the last time. I even checked to make SURE that she was not breathing. She wasn't. Was that really epinephrine they gave her or some euthanasia drug? I told them to NOT euthanize her...period! But like it was well rehearsed, they went through the motions, listening to her chest, "checking her vitals", shooting vials into her IV, and then sadly, making the announcement that she was DEAD. Then they handed me a bill for nearly $1300. OMG. AND after we got home, they called again to ask for my Care Credit card # AGAIN because they forgot to charge me another $50 for the cremation. HELP ME, JESUS!!!!

I'm sorry to be so morbid. I just have nowhere else to turn. I haven't a friend in the world. LITERALLY! Not f2f anyway. Not ONE.

It was 104ºF here today - and tomorrow it's supposed to be 105ºF! Then it cools down to a mere 102ºF. I have to keep my dogs inside on these hot afternoons in their inside pen (in the a/c house at 76ºF!) because Ms. T and her doggy Alzheimer's cause her to be able to LEAVE their comfy pen inside the house, but then she forgets how to get back in. I can lock that door to the outside, and on days like this, I do...until about 8pm. Then it's just starting to cool down outside. Ms. T still knows how to find the garage and go inside there to sleep at night...IF the light is left on. So I thought all was just fine...until Butterbutt ate some dead rat OR the hideous neighbors decided to throw some poison over the fence (which we suspect, but can't prove). They've injured my dogs before by shoving a foot long piece of thorny rose bush trimmings through a knothole, back and forth, until my then young dogs would bite it, and then the neighbors would YANK it back through the knothole, ripping my dog's mouths. Lovely people those, so I could easily see them chucking poison over the fence for my now elderly dogs to eat up and DIE. They are that hateful.

============================================(6pm)

I brought both Spot and Dot in with me. I'm going to get Dot checked out by the vet tomorrow. She's been having "seizures" periodically. She also threw up the other day. She is not NEARLY as lethargic as Butterbutt was, but if I lost Dot, my "yard dog" who accompanies me in the garden, I don't know what I'd do. Spot seems ok, and Spot is my inside dog when DS is away at work. Ms. T is currently in the 6'x8' inside pen, door to the outside locked (due to punishing heat outside right now), and she is "lost" near the food and water hoppers. So confused. But Butterbutt is gone forever, and that is breaking my heart in two.

I haven't slept in an awfully long time...maybe 36 hrs. or more. I am tired, but just cannot sleep. I may take a sleep aid as soon as it gets dark so I can just relax and sleep. I may let the dogs out in their yard only along with their food and water. All I have to do is close two gates and it becomes a 22'x35' run for them instead of the run of the entire back yard. And I intend to do just that.

My home feels so empty without Butterbutt in it. I have no enthusiasm for anything today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Honeybera

[wolfspirit]

Oh honeybera,
Losing a beloved pet is so painful. I understand completely.
She knew you loved her and you were a caring, protective owner. Nothing you did or didn't do caused her to pass away.
I think the vet people were quite rude, actually. As if money is what you're thinking or caring about right now.
Have you read the children's book, Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant?
I read it to my class when one of my students loses a doggie. I also have Cat Heaven. That's how I found the books- losing a cat.
Butterbutt will always be with you, just not physically.
I really believe that.
Allow yourself to grieve and make sure you get rest. These heartbreaking parts of life are hard on us.
Rest in Puppy Peace, Butterbutt. You were a special dog who brought love into honeybera's life. Thank you for that. <3

sending gentle hugs,

ws