Thanks for reaching out to me, recover. You are a good friend to all and I appreciate your comments of support. {{{{♥♥♥recover♥♥♥}}}} You are such a good person!!recover wrote:glad to hear of your progress honeybera.
with support,
recover
I see we have a new....look on the forum.
I have an appointment with my new T on Tuesday (tomorrow ). Too many "new" things for me to cope with. I don't like "new". I hate change, but change in this dynamic world is something we simply have to keep up with, I suppose. So I'm going to see her. May be good, may be horrid, but I have to go see her and cope up with whatever happens.
I haven't even had the urge to see or call Mommy Dearest recently. She really cooked her goose with me! Wow, it only took her 70 yrs of brutal abuse to finally get rid of me once and for all!!! I am happier now, though. Every positive thought I now have isn't immediately shot down by her or the "her" in my head.
I'm still shut-in, but I have some hope now with this new T. And if this T isn't good, I now have a nice, new PPO with LOTS AND LOTS of T's to choose from! Not like Kaiser, where they have one assigned person who shoves a prescription of pills at you and sends you on your way. "All fixed now!" That's not how I roll. I want to heal up inside, not put on a medical band-aid (pills) and walk around like a zombie, which was my experience with pills!! I like to face the truth! It's better for me. Not so much for others I'm hearing, and I'm not judging those who need medication, but I like it better without pills. I don't mind doing the work involved with a T to get there.
My appointment tomorrow is in the morning (UGH!), so I'm washing my hair tonight and laying out something to wear. I'm going through with it. I have to. Perhaps she can help me find a group (therapeutic or not) to get into. When I lost my 93 lbs. back in 2010 (306.4 lbs. down to 213), it was because N was here and I was happy! Yes, I ate appropriately (as I'm doing now), but the difference was that I was H-A-P-P-Y!!! And ACTIVE! N and I were always doing something (movies, drives in the car, walks in the parks, sight-seeing), and it was always FUN because of him! And "magically", the weight simply fell off of me. Like a miracle, and without effort! I need to get back to that happiness again. Mommy Dearest is TOXIC as hell to me, and it seems her life's ambition is to keep me feeling less than, but I can avoid her. And I am doing just that.
So...avoid the toxic people in my life (exclude them, really) and look/search for positive/active/happy people. If I'm busy and happy, I KNOW this weight will fall off, just like it did before in 2010, and that will make me even happier! But my happiness can't come exclusively from another person, like the disappointing N. He is off doing his own thing. The only person I can count on is ME, and I want to get my own head straight.
I used to hate this expression, but now I fully grasp it and its meaning:
What you are is your parent's fault, but if you stay that way, it's your fault.
That seemed so cruel to me, like I was being made responsible for the mess of my life my parents made, but not anymore. It's a powerful statement of FACT, and it puts me in control of my own life, if I can accept that, and I DO. And the first thing to go is the constant toxicity of MD!!! And the first thing to STAY and be nurtured is my own love and respect of ME, who I am (without conditions!) and what I need to do! Not in a punitive way, but with the utmost caring and gentle love and kindness that I learned from my grandparents. And with this in mind, I'm going to meet the new T...tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!
Honeybera