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Re: whippings **Triggers SA/PA***

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:34 pm
by lonelylife
Hi Sheep,
I think the whole fact that your mother wasn't in there stopping it for who was current, not to mention if you were next, speaks as much volumes about her as the twisted thing she said to you. If she wasn't going to respond about your brother, she sure wasn't going to have an appropriate reaction anywhere else. She's there 50 years I guess for the same reasons that others who stay lifetimes never get out. For some off reason they don't see anything wrong with it. Whatever warped their awareness and skewed their compass was there long before we were born, and thus will be there for their lifetimes, from the looks of things.

Re: whippings **Triggers SA/PA***

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:53 pm
by SparklingDawn
Lonelylife,

Their thinking is definitely skewed.

Re: whippings **Triggers SA/PA***

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:47 pm
by juliewr
I was belted on my bare butt by my dad until a little after I turned 18. My mom spanked me too, but with a wooden spoon or paddle. They would both "warm me up" with their hands first. Not only was this physically abusive, leaving deep welts on a teenagers bare butt for days afterwards, but also sexually abusive. I would have to take my pants and underwear either down or off and bend over or go in other humiliating positions.

I have almost no relationship with them as an adult. The couple times I brought this up over the years didn't end well. I agree with the poster above who thinks it is BS that they say things like "I don't want to have to do this" but they seem so calm, cool and collected while doing it.

My parents didn't make us count them, like somebody else above said, but they were strict about not moving. If they told me I was getting 35 with the belt and I reached back at number 34, or squirmed or took my elbows off of the bed/chair...they would start over at 1.

Re: whippings **Triggers SA/PA***

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:47 pm
by reisha
wow.

this is a powerful thread!!!!!

i had that same bio-mom. as an adult, i *kinda* have more compassion for her - she was a f'd up mess - mental illness & addictions; but the child me hates her beyond measure. ( i stole her pills & mixed em in her drink, hopin it'd kill her - it dinna, she just passed out earlier.....) she'd beat the f outta me - same 'fave' weapons - &, whats up w/ that? her very fave was the old fashioned cloth wrapped extension cords. wet towels across the face (i have scars in my eyes from when they caught there). wooden spoons, hairbrushes, shoes, anything she could get her hands on.

havin done extensive therapy; but more so - doin addiction counselin - we had to do a genogram or genograph (i forget the exact term) - basically a chart showing the various dysfunctional dynamics between all the family members. THAT was one helluva eye openin exercise!!!! - goin back 3 generations. i learned that the g'folx who doted on me ( & i doted on) couldna have been anywhere near as awesome as i beLIEved, to have produced 4 such f'd up offspring. where my bio-mom 'excelled' at the physical abuse, her sis , my aunt-mom excelled in the verbal put downs. IMO, emotional abuse is a given, if theres any other abuse goin on. (& just to round things out, bio-moms 3rd H - a child placement officer (s/w) for the county excelled in sexual abuse, which is how i ended up w/ aunt-mom, but ive digressed...)

so, i think alotta the physical abuse was a kinda 'cultural' thing - to me, it seems that alotta us had 'culture' (esp including 'religious culture') as a .... 'motivating factor' - i could soapbox-2-hi-horse ALOT on that f'd up bunch-a bs!!; i suspect mental illness &/or addiction was also a factor for many of us. NUNNA that excuses the incredible WRONGNESS of the brutal beatings so many of us endured. for me, tho, it does kinda help, to put it in that 'time/space' context. still, i hafta wonder WHY they dinna .... feel any remorse, or guilt, or recognize the wrongness, & seek help. my adult self was, upon bio-moms death bed to find forgiveness - at that point, she was a pathetic bundle of rags hooked up to machines - incapable of anything, much less hurting me. but my 'small selves' still hates her to pieces & wants her deader than dead.

its so very difficult to reconcile alla this, & find any lasting peace, to 'be ok' w/ it

sendin tons of compassion to everyone, & much support