A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.
and what I've concluded over the years, at least in my own mother's instance, is that they are just as bad as the primary abusers, they just differ in the ways that they are abusive. Usually narcissistic b*tches in their own right, they use lies, denial, and "amnesia" to allow their kids to suffer.
I've also wondered, too, if these insane mothers are driven by jealousy and that seeing us mistreated by others was kind of one-upping us, as if they were saying to themselves, "See? I'm better than her because she's being beaten down and I'm not." So, they condoned or even encouraged it?
Not sure if that makes sense, but the extent to which my mother tried to live vicariously through me was pathetic and ridiculous, so I've wondered if jealousy (though I'm not sure of what...youth?) played a role in how she was.
I agree with you completely........my mother lies and is in complete denial, using selective memory in order to minimize what happened to us, so that she bears no responsibility.
Last edited by SparklingDawn on Mon Jun 18, 2012 12:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Hey Dawn,
I think if she's trying to facebook your high school friends, she is living vicariously through you too.
Oh and I'm quite familiar with that bus they try to throw us under. When I finally caught on I started clinging to the undercarriage of that bus, and pulling the wires so that the bus ground to a screeching halt before it would have killed me. And I know beyond all doubt my mother badmouthed me to other relatives (but most of mine are too stupid to put 2 and 2 together), because the things she said about me to my own face got back to me from several sources in more recent years. That's one reason these mothers try to isolate you off--to make you easier to control and so you never know what lies they've been telling others about you.
My mother's hugely jealous of everyone and tries to begrudge people any small measure of happiness. She wants everyone to be as miserable as she is and tries her damnedest to personally make that happen. Plus a huge part of it is their overarching desire to own you, and if you're independent and happy they don't get the chance to rule over you.
You mention the word "control," and that intrigues me. My mother always acts like the quintessential martyr, always "giving," ..........but I've thought for many years that her "giving" is more about her and less about her recipients. It makes HER feel good, regardless of whether her enabling behavior is doing a damn helpful things for the person she's "giving" to.
Exactly. If I may add, I think it's a form of control, that kind of "giving". It's designed to create a dependence, and to erect a facade behind which her true motives would remain hidden--that of control and manipulation. It's also for show--all show and no substance--designed to create a crippling sense of obligation and duty towards her.
I remember cowering in the basement bedroom with my mom and maybe my older sisters too? Upstairs my dad was beating up my older brother. I could hear his body being thrown into the walls. I started to cry. My mom looked at me and said, "What's the matter? Are you afraid you're gonna be next?"
What a cruel thing to say to a child! Looking back I believe my mother was just as scared as I was and maybe wanted to try and hush me? I dunno. To this day she hasn't gotten out, and my parents have been married for over 50 years. I just cut off complete contact with her recently.
The reality may be that that was what your mother was thinking ... fearful that she would be next, and that she was projecting it onto you. Narcissists, and anyone as dysfunctional as our parents in general, think that everyone thinks the way they do.
I am so sorry that little sheep went through such trauma. I'm glad you are safe now, and that she can no longer project her vile thoughts onto you.
Re: whippings **Triggers SA/PA***
