Letting go

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there
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Re: Letting go

Post by there » Tue Mar 13, 2018 8:28 pm

Honeybera,
Really appreciate that you are giving yourself "love, patience, understanding, tenderness, and praise". I am doing the same. It's good to read the words.
May I ask how you give/show yourself tenderness?
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Tue Mar 13, 2018 10:42 pm

Hello Honeybera


Great post to read, full of positives. Very happy that you and son are working together to have a nice home environment

You have been very busy and noticing benefits of extra movement. May you have many more years of being kind to yourself

Agree that Mark Twain wrote much that is applicable to life in general. Doing smaller tasks gets the big jobs done in manageable bites, less overwhelming

May you have safe travelling in wet conditions


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
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Posts: 777
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:55 pm

there wrote:
Tue Mar 13, 2018 8:28 pm
Honeybera,
Really appreciate that you are giving yourself "love, patience, understanding, tenderness, and praise". I am doing the same. It's good to read the words.
May I ask how you give/show yourself tenderness?
Hey there!! :mrgreen:

I give myself "tenderness" by heaping a lot of the other attributes (love, patience, understanding, and praise) on myself. If not me, who? I'm glad that you are doing the same. After what we've all been through, we deserve some "warm fuzzies", don't you think? :mrgreen:

One of the ways that I'm doing this is to do "projects" in and around the house. Yesterday (between raindrops) I got out into the backyard and did some MAJOR weedeating with my weedeater. Didn't finish my entire yard, but felt REALLY OK with doing that. "A half a loaf is better than none." And I felt NO GUILT AT ALL while choosing to do that. My Keto diet and Intermittent Fasting programs (and the resultant removal of "brain fog" and enjoying instead the feelings of an elevated HAPPY mood and feelings of well-being) are given the credit for my increased activity and lack of depression. I've never felt better or been more productive in my life - and I'm losing weight to boot, almost as a bonus!

But the best thing that happens as I do these things in and around the house is the next morning when I wake up: I deeply appreciate what I've done FOR MYSELF the day before, AND I kind of "mentally catalog" what I'd like to ACCOMPLISH that day, what NEEDS to be done, and then GENTLY prioritize it. No rush. No need to. And that's how I show myself love, patience, understanding, tenderness, and praise. I give MYSELF an "attagirl". And I forgive myself for being human.

I'm also avoiding MD and her toxic hate-spewing. It's sort of sad; this is the end of her life (she's 89 next month), but I also understand that I don't need that full frontal and toxic assault on my progress. It's counterproductive for me. I love her, even though she's done some disgustingly dreadful things to me and others that I've shared on here over the years as I've healed up from those incidents, but she is my mother and I wish her no ill. She shovels enough "ill" onto herself on a daily basis - over which I have no control.

I DO, however, have complete control over myself (good or bad, if I choose to), and to me, I choose to be tender and gentle. AND productive! And it makes me happy to do so. NOT PERFECT! My God, I do NOT want to be "PERFECT", by any means! But just happy in my own skin, and blessedly, I now can! HUZZAH!!! ;) :mrgreen:

I hope that that helped, there. :mrgreen: Best of luck to you!! {{{{{there}}}}}

Honeybera

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Mar 18, 2018 5:17 am

Hi Fleur! :mrgreen:

I just finished making DS a nice pork chop dinner with fried cauliflower cheesy patties (first time). They turned out nicely. I hope he likes them. I sure did! (Oh, he did, too.) :mrgreen:

I've been working all day long on this and that. I am SO tired, but it's not depression. It's a good and satisfied tired. :mrgreen: It should be sunny and not raining again tomorrow, so after a nice long sleep (at night now! YAY!), I'll be out there weedeating again and tidying up the yard, readying for the new veggies and new trees to go in.

I hope you are doing ok, too. {{{{{Fleur}}}} I'm off to bed now. I am exhausted!! Really ready for bed at only 10 pm! Now that's progress.

Honeybera

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:16 am

Hello Honeybera


Sure does sound like fantastic progress - gardening etc until tired and sleeping at night. Celebrating with you

Glad your son now genuinely appreciates your culinary skills - also that you enjoy your cooking

May your tomorrow hold many pleasant moments as you prepare for next season's planting


Sweet dreams my friend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

Jitterbug
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Re: Letting go

Post by Jitterbug » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:22 pm

Hi Honeybera,

Just wanted to let you know how inspiring I found your post. As one who struggles with paralysis & dissociation, to read of you taking action and in such an amazingly sel-caring way. Thank you for sharing that. It gives me hope.

Here with you, backing you up with much compassion and admiration.

Jitterbug

there
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Posts: 5459
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Letting go

Post by there » Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:58 pm

Dear honeybera,
Thanks so much for elaborating on tenderness. I do a lot of the same things!
Probably could stand to forgive myself atm. :D
Getting prepared for teaching this afternoon. Hope to respond more fully later.
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

there
Member
Posts: 5459
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Letting go

Post by there » Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:53 pm

honeybera,
I like how you start your day, deeeply appreciating what you accomplished yesterday. Can you gently prioritize from What you want to get doneAnd what you need to get done.

Encouragement and praiseFor oneselfIs never wasted.I've put stickers on my hands for getting things done, or even started!

I would like to feel more in complete control over myselfLike you do. I know it's trueThat I makeChoices and decisions. I'm responsible for those choices and decisions.

I guess I need to get strongerAt letting go of the sense that things are 'happening to me". I've survived a lot of abuseFrom othersThat was actually done to meAnd not by my choice.Sigh.

This is a tough one for me. I need to do more letting go of reacting to others' reactions to me. It's depressing just to think about it. Sigh.

Thank you forWishing me luck.I'll need it :lol:
And best of luck to you too, hb!
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

honeybera
Member
Posts: 777
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Thu Mar 29, 2018 10:38 pm

Hey Guys! :mrgreen:

Thanks for all the support and praise. Truth be known, I run on praise, but I think we all do. ;)
there wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:53 pm
I like how you start your day, deeeply appreciating what you accomplished yesterday. Can you gently prioritize from What you want to get doneAnd what you need to get done.
Hi there! I think the word there is "prioritize". Once one task or chore is done, what's next? You know what is pressing in your life better than I do. ;) If I have the will and/or energy to tackle it, it's done now. I used to struggle with that old nebulous cloud of self-doubt and confusion, but two things helped to clear away the brain fog: 1) my new way of eating and fasting daily for all except my 1-4 hrs. of an eating window, and 2) leaving MD alone, realizing that that is ancient history and that she no longer exists in reality. She's alive, but I will not allow her to influence me any further, which she will try to do if I go to see her, and she plays dirty, so I just don't play.

Both things have made a world of difference! When I first started this WOE, my blood sugars were running at well over 200 with Metformin, but after being on this WOE for the last four months (already! time flies!), the last two days were (respectively) 147 and 143! YIPPEE! It's definitely on its way down. All I need is some snide crack from MD to throw me off my game and those dandy results (albeit far from perfection at this time) will go away again. I've been very busy watching YouTube videos re: ketogenic diets and intermittent fasting (aka time restricted eating). The IF is the real key to all this because fasting lowers insulin levels. I was shocked to understand that this WOE plus the IF is completely self-regulated (that is, I choose my eating/fasting "windows" and what I do eat to break my fast) and there is NO HUNGER involved! :shock: As I'm watching my HUGE belly melt away (and it IS!! :mrgreen: ), I'm learning how I got that way in the first place (and gluttony and overeating wasn't it!!) :P My DS was so impressed with my obvious results that he is now doing the WOE with me! And HIS belly is going away, too. :P I never want to be called "Pot Belly Nellie with the Big Fat Belly" ever again!! What a horrible thing to call a child. :x

The thing is, I wasn't a "FAT" child! I had a slight pot belly, but MD had to ridicule me with something, so she chose that. She sent me to a dance school ("because you're SO FAT!!" - which I wasn't) and enrolled me in acrobats class. I also took hula, Tahitian, ballroom...the works, and I developed a love of dancing. As an adult, I later even took belly dancing! :lol: This is precisely why that bitch hated me so much! Sit me in a corner = I'd go to sleep! Ridicule me for being FAT = I became a good dancer and loved dance! Break my model cars/statues = I quit making them. She couldn't win with me. She even complained to me at 17 yrs. old: "That's the trouble with you! I can't break your spirit!" Well, thank God she couldn't!! What a monster!! I even named my drooping stomach after her, that pannus that rhymes with her name! I believe because of that connection that she has with my weight problem (the increase of cortisol, the stress hormone, which drove the Insulin, the fat storing hormone, which tends to store it across the abdomen, signalling Insulin Resistance), it took some "letting go" of the emotional and mental pain that she caused me before I was truly willing to let my belly go. There used to be some comfort in being LESS THAN and thereby feeling more "safe" from her wrath.

My stomach is still there, of course, and this whole endeavor will probably take a year or more to resolve because I was so far gone. But now I know that that large belly is merely my well-established Insulin Resistance showing. I'm finding that (through the videos by very brave scientists and doctors who are bucking the system set up by the triple threat of BIG Pharma and BIG Ag and our gov't. looking the other way) the people in power haven't been "exactly honest" with us. Some from ignorance, some from pure greed. It's not about calories for me. It's not even about sugar and grains, although those are eventual contributors to insulin resistance and should be avoided like the plague!! :x :shock: It's all about INSULIN.

For years, through every pregnancy I had (3 of them), I was told matter-of-factly: "BTW, you have gestational diabetes, but don't worry. It'll go away as soon as you have your baby." And it did! But it was the precursor to the full blown T2 diabetes that I have now, and have had for nearly 20 yrs. now. "It's irreversible!", doctors will tell you. Uh, no, it's NOT. It can be reversed. I already did it once in 2010 when N was here. I thought it was HIM that did whatever "magic" that enabled me to shed 93 lbs without effort, but that "magic" was GONE when he left and I grieved deeply the loss of my constant companion! (Remember the cortisol/insulin reaction = weight gain! Oh my...) I regained 60 lbs. in the next few months. How sad.

Something in the last few years has also been (re-)discovered (that was common knowledge back in the mid-1800s - yes, 1800s!!!): elevated CORTISOL, the "stress" hormone, drives insulin production. INSULIN, the "fat storing" hormone, stores excess glucose (blood sugar) away in our bodies as FAT. Insulin also skyrockets when we eat those things that I described earlier, sugar, flour, whole wheat, any kind of grains or starches, like potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, rice, pasta, and so on, and eating up to 6 meals a day keeps insulin always UP. Fat doesn't spike blood insulin levels at all! Now understanding that cortisol spikes insulin levels, and insulin shoves glucose into our fat cells until we're like a walking sugar bowl (sugar AND grain both metabolize instantly into glucose - aka "blood sugar") and can take no more GLUCOSE = insulin RESISTance, and we eventually become diabetic! And it shows in our pot bellies (aka beer bellies, middle age spread, etc) as it packs the fat on, both subcutaneous (outside) and visceral (inside, around our organs, like our heart and liver and even our pancreas), trying desperately to get rid of too much glucose!

Since I always had a pot belly, even as a stressed out kid - "She is such a nervous child!" DUH!! :roll: , I am realizing that I had the beginnings of this dread disease all my life! :| So to be given the answers on the internet on how to reverse this, and then, by doing it, SEE the results...I actually sat down and cried with relief! There actually was an answer! I can now be gentle with MYSELF. I don't need N to do it. It wasn't even him! I CAN DO IT! With Pete Walker (and C-PTSD book) and Dr. Jason Fung (intermittent fasting) and dietdoctor dot com (the Keto WOE - all FREE to begin) and all the FREE keto info and recipes on YouTube and even MyFitnessPal dot com, I can do this!!

And I AM doing it! :mrgreen: Each and every day I'm noticing a new dip or divot in my body. Taking a shower is a pleasure now! I can now walk BRISKLY from one end of my huge house to the other without any stress or shortness of breath at all! Gardening is easier! THINKING is easier and more focused! Brain fog is GONE! Heart failure symptoms are GONE! It just plain feels GOOD!!

And I'm never hungry in my non-eating time. I must admit, that was a surprise. I heard "fasting" and started heading for the door! :lol: I could barely stay on a "diet" for a week or two! But this time it's been a whopping 4 months...and just like before in 2010 when N was here, without effort!! HUZZAH!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
"Life is something that happens when you're making other plans. - John Lennon
Yep, so true! But back to your question on how to prioritize what you NEED to get done vs. what you WANT to get done...

Today on my priority list: Make 2 keto items for son and I - Choc.-Choc. chip almond flour muffins + poach some b/s chicken breasts in the microwave (really easy!!) for a tasty and handy Curried Chicken Salad. YUM to both! I also have to do some MAJOR weedeating in the yard. Plus I'd like to do my bill-paying for the month and start working on my taxes for 2017, and that can be tonight after dark. All of it sounds delightful to me. And soul satisfying! "First things first." It sort of prioritizes itself when I open my eyes in the morning and give what I need to do a moment's attention, and that morphs into wanting to do it. Anything that doesn't serve me well can take a back seat to my day ahead.

And there's no guilt involved. Whatever doesn't get put on "today's list" will most assuredly still be there tomorrow. :lol: And if "today's" list gets finished, I can go to "tomorrow's list" right then. Or I can forget all of them and do something else, but that rarely happens. There is a distinct satisfaction in the completion of this or that project, especially with the clearing of the brain fog! My thinking is much more linear. "If this, then that."

And the "project" doesn't need to be HUGE or even terribly time-consuming. I'm finding that old Mark Twain was right about doing the "small manageable tasks" and having that lead to "getting ahead" of something or other. Between Mark Twain and Pete Walker, I'm finding myself parenting (or gently reparenting) myself. And it's GOOD! I am my grandparents!! I am NOT MD!! My Grandma and Grandpa enabled me to become who I am today. I wish I could tell them that! They took two little abandoned sisters from an orphanage, adopted them, and gave them a wonderful home in the depths of The Depression. That is what they did with the tragedy that had befallen them, the loss of their own little boy who was stillborn. What stellar people!! How lucky I was to become their first grandchild!!!

Of course, MD was scarred for life anyway. She was 6 yrs. old already when adopted, had been sexually molested by her grandfather at 2, had been placed with her 2 sisters into a detention facility due to overcrowding in the original orphanage, and had even seen her own bio-father shot by bio-mom's "cousins" when she was 5. And 11 short years later, when she was 17 (and 13 months after her marriage to my father), I was born into that chaotic mess. She lived her life as though in a movie, run by a scriptwriter's plot of the movie The Egg and I. Everything had to be HER version of perfection to make up for who she really was and who she had really been. Is she whacked? Oh my, YES. And I need to stay away from her now, in my old age, to be good to myself. To protect myself.

Oh nuts to this! I have yard work to do! And yummy muffins to make! I both need and want to! Slogging through MD's nastiness and/or her reasons for that dysfunction is counterproductive to me and mine! Life can be sweet for me if I allow it to be...and I intend to do just that!! :P :lol: :mrgreen:

Major hugs to you!! Have a great day!

Honeybera
Last edited by Ashia on Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed NT to MT for use of profanity

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Letting go

Post by there » Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:50 pm

honeybera,
Sorry about typo! I meant to say "You can" rather than "Can you". :? But thank you for the fuller description of your days, and how you get stuff done.

Glad your MD couldn't break your spirit.

Elevated cortisol-I hear you.It does other bad things like overtax the adrenals.

I'm thinking of credit I can give myself for today- I make a list of things in an email, then send it to myself :lol:
hugs
"I wanna watch the ocean bend---the edges of the sun then---i wanna be swallowed up---in an ocean of love"
from 'Ventura' by Lucinda Williams

"I used to be abused. Now I'm just amused."

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