Letting go

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honeybera
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Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Location: USA

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:01 am

Hey Fleur! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote:
Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:28 pm
The gist of what I recall is that I feel for you with opening new memories, maybe having to change the "landscape" as far as your Dad is really a new challenge?
Funny thing: the SA revelation was one thing, and I realize that it was done by BOTH of my parents, each in their own way, but I have no real urgent urge to purge with a T. I have had that urge where it came to MD's PA and EA, but this SA thing with my father I have acknowledged, and although I'm not exactly fine with it, it's all about that my father is dead and gone, so what exactly can I do about it, if anything? I have so many other positive and useful things to do instead, and I think that I'll do those things until I feel differently about it. If it troubles me any further, I'll go see one of those free T's, but until then, no.

N came here. I wrote about it, and then erased it. It was VERY negative, and I haven't the time nor the inclination to go on about it, but he apparently sees me as a storage unit for his things and his own personal mailbox (I'm also serving as his postmistress and he's USING my address) as he vagabonds around the country, although he calls it "being a friend". :roll: He had no concern for me or my feelings as he blew in at 4am, napped, dumped his things (nasty and offensive things!) right smack in the middle of my front room, and LEFT! He refused to put them into the garage (out of the way), as I had asked him to do and had prepped a place out there. I had also offered to make him a cuppa after his nap, but he only wanted it if it was "to go"! :x Well, FUHGETABOUTIT!!! There's a difference between a cuppa between old friends, and to be treated like a barista at Starbuck's!!!

Once son came home from his convention, he hit the roof! We will be moving N's things to the garage tomorrow morning. I gave N only 2 months to store them here (until the first of the year), and I'm not playing!! Dr. Phil says, "You teach people how to treat you.", and that was certainly the case here. I'm pleased to see myself setting some boundaries with N...FINALLY! He objected to having his things moved, but would not come back to do it himself, although he was asked to do so while he was here. Oh well. He even asked me to store his nasty massage table under MY BED! :shock: The answer was no. He finally capitulated and agreed that we "COULD" move his things to the garage. And only until the end of the year. GOOD. I am not only pleased with that, but also that I had the intestinal fortitude to insist upon it. YAY for me!

I am very busy getting my front room, family room, kitchen, and computer room squared away nicely. I have decided to let the garage be last...kinda sort of. More like an "as needed". I'm nearly finished with the boxes (cutting up), donations, and so on. I'm damned near up to the mountain of tapes stacked across my front room wall, but I just need to count them (for a tax write off later) and DONATE them! My dear son will be assembling my 2nd set of wire shelves tomorrow morning. Then I can clear my sideboards, put those things on my new shelves, and finish up the mystery boxes in the kitchen, most of which were things of my daughter that she abandoned here in 2008. I'm PROBABLY going to purchase my new furniture tomorrow, too. I have to get it done since those pieces aren't being produced anymore, and I don't want to have to begin my shopping again.

And the solar/patio roof/fencing/paving stones PROJECT has been postponed for approx. 10-12 months while I get bids for it all and line my ducks up in a row. I also want to attempt to save up another bunch of money in that time since I now believe that it's going to take a bundle to achieve the results I want. IT'S A HUGE PROJECT I'm biting off!! I need to be really READY for it. I feel like I'm diving into deep waters with sharks. Thank God for my carpenter/builder cousin and his wife!! I'm hoping that they can guide me through this due to his extensive experience with being a contractor and builder and her positive attitude and friendship.

I did find a fellow up north of me that can and will build my fence that I want. It is SO PRETTY, and my heart is set on it. It's wood with a curved metal insert. It should look wonderful. I'll be taking pictures of the front of my house tomorrow and texting it to him along with the pictures of the fence that I want. This is actually fun, but I have to get the INSIDE of my house done first. I've got to settle down and be patient...

I'm also getting into my garden again, thanks to cousin L (R's wife). She called me "AMAZING" when I described what I do out there!! :mrgreen: I plan to make it extra special nice this year, not just for me, but for them (all the cousins) as well! I end up with so many rare varieties of tomatoes, squash, peppers, fruit from my trees, and she said that they love all of it. It sort of gives me a purpose in life.
Fleur wrote:
Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:28 pm
Glad you, R and family, plus home life = many different ways of being

May you continue to find ways to stimulate activity as well as resting when really required
I'm really doing great! I'm losing weight on a strict Keto diet, and that really helps my mobility. The more weight I lose, the easier it is to get around, so I am doing more and more activity, which helps me lose more weight, and so on. Nice how that works! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote:
Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:28 pm
Soxy was very good in truck - not a sound. Very vocal in unit
Bless him! This will be quite an adjustment for him, too. Let me know when you get the backyard "playground" for him and how he likes it. I hope you are happy there, too. How are things going for you so far?

All my dogs are fine but Ms. T. She appears to have CCD (Doggie Alzheimer's) and possibly blindness - just not her old peppy, feisty self, runs into things, her legs give out on her, and she seems VERY confused! I'm feeding her soft food every morning and evening with ¼t. MCT coconut oil on it, giving LOTS of pets and love, and she's thriving as much as she can. Sad to see her like this. She has served my family so well ever since she was 8 wks. old, so I'm happy to help her out now.

Honeybera

honeybera
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Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Location: USA

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:43 am

I FINALLY purchased my new chest of drawers and nightstand last night. :) :) :) SOOOO HAPPY about that!! Got it on CLEARANCE, which meant that they knocked $200 off AND gave me FREE delivery ($65 more off)! I am SOOOO delighted! Nothing makes me happier than a good bargain! I am going to try to have my house all ready for the delivery by my birthday at the end of the month: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! ;)

To accomplish that I'm going to have to take down the tape storage racks AND clear out the chair, vacuum the area well, and make sure that there is a clear path from the garage through the hobby room and into the hall all the way to my room. I have only two weeks to do that in! But I can do it!! :D What an incentive!

With this new diet, my mood is consistently happier and energetic (although one of my goals is to stop sitting here in my office chair so much and to stand more often, like doing the dishes, other housework, and cutting boxes and, of course, gardening). I am getting my 1T. of liquid coconut oil everyday in everything, like adding it to even my cuppa almond milk with 2T. heavy whipped cream last night (YUM!) along with "chocolate glazed donut" flavoring and a bit of artificial sweetener. The oil goes in all of my salads, and the texture of them turns wonderful and satisfying. I wonder where it has been all my life! :lol: I'm going to get some bones today and make my own bone broth, too, in my Instant Pot. Got the recipe off the internet last night.

And my Inner Critic is getting quieter and quieter! Such a blessing! I hope MD is ok, BUT I dare not go near her anymore. She is so toxic to me. I can get all the news I want of her through my brother, the Golden Child. ;) And so far, I haven't really needed any news. :lol: MD's world turns MUCH more slowly than mine.

I need to eat my first meal of the day. I'm hungry and it's 2pm...time for breaking my fast and eating with Dr. Phil. And then shopping (at Costco this time and before it rains) and then chop up some boxes and then sort more boxes for donation. I need someplace to put the things in my room, so I'm ordering new shelves for the "computer room" (which has no computers in it anymore). :lol:

Honeybera

Fleur
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Posts: 11358
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Location: Australia

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:28 pm

Hello Honeybera


Great positive post to read

May everything go according to plan


Wishing you a lovely weekend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
Member
Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Location: USA

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:29 am

Thanks, Fleur, for the well wishes.

I just figured out who is going to do my cataract surgery. I go to see him on Jan. 31st (it was the soonest that I could get in), and is he ever qualified!! I went to see my regular eye doctor, who has been telling me that I'd have to eventually get the cataract in my right eye done soon, but that I'd know when, and it has begun to bother me enough to finally do it. Well, now's the time (for sure!) since when he gave me the eye exam and put up the letters on the big lighted white eye chart, I could barely make out the board at all with my right eye and could see nothing of the HUGE foot high letter "D" he'd put up on it!! :shock: The left eye can be corrected with glasses to 20/20 (at this time), but that right one is uncorrectable except with surgery due to the cataract. :cry:

He recommended this doctor who is about 150 miles away from me to do the surgery. I checked him out on Yelp: 5 stars of rave reviews from 26 reviewers! They even gave his website, so I went there, too, to really research this fellow. WOWEE!!! He has been all over the world, grad and post grad from Harvard, taught others how to do cataract surgery, and has awards for excellence worldwide!! Yes, I am feeling much more confident! I am really, REALLY lucky to be able to go to him. He can even fix my astigmatism in my right eye while correcting my myopia as well, but I'll still need reading glasses (I think). I just ordered his BOOK (I'm not kidding! he even wrote a book on the subject) on cataracts (and the subsequent surgery) from Amazon and will read it before my appt. in late January. Talk about being blessed! He even takes my insurance! (It at least pays for most of it. I will have to pay ONLY for these special super duper lenses that I want). I am SO pumped about this! I am tired of not being able to see a damned thing out of my right eye. It bugs me. But soon it will be fixed and I'll be able to see again! :mrgreen:

Son went to the dentist this morning on a cancellation appt. at 8:30am!! OMG! ZZzzzz!! I'm still yawning! I have to go with him to pay for it, and today it was another $2000! Oy! He had two crowns that are giving him problems, and this excellent dentist is fixing them up. This brings the costs for his teeth repair (fillings, crowns, and root canals) up to $7000 paid out to the dentists alone over the last 4 months. That's even steep for me. I'll have this last $2000 paid off just before I go in for my own surgery. My son's insurance doesn't cover what he had to have done, although his insurance will PULL his teeth, no problems! If I did that, he'd look like a picket fence every time he smiled! He's very happy and grateful that I'm willing to help him, but he gives me nearly $1000/mo for his expenses and has for the last 13 yrs. faithfully, and that has to account for something, right? Fair is fair.

So no more big spending for the next few months while I regroup financially and pay off the whole shebang. It's how I roll. "Special Financing - NO INTEREST for 6 or 12 months". My kind of deal.

I'm really happy with my decision to postpone the front yard work for about 6-12 months. I can get the house finished up and the garden installed nicely. I've got plenty to do right here and without spending too much money.

Ugh, I'm falling asleep here at the keyboard. I only got 4 hours of sleep before my son's dental appt., so...off to bed for blissful sleep for me. :mrgreen:

Much Caring for you and Soxy and son...

Honeybera

Fleur
Member
Posts: 11358
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Location: Australia

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am

Hello Honeybera


The Dr for cataract surgery sounds a wonderful referral. May all go well as soon as possible after the end of January

Glad your son has a dentist to save teeth, rather than pulling and eventually getting dentures

You certainly have managed very well to put changes into a timeline

May you get a lot of sleep so you awake refreshed in the morning

Soxy's probably OK at cattery. He has been too much confined. Hopefully, he'll forgive the pillar to post type of moving this month

Son and I were going to start our road trip but the weather put us off. I really didn't fancy driving in heavy rain - then thunderstorms

I haven't driven regularly for about 10/11 years and a long time before that for a manual vehicle. I'm OK although not very confident - and I keep stalling the engine when at lights, which bothers me a lot

How are your dogs?


Here's to you and son having a quietly productive weekend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
Member
Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Location: USA

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat Nov 18, 2017 1:05 am

Hey Fleur! <waving vigorously to you across the Pacific Ocean!>
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
The Dr for cataract surgery sounds a wonderful referral. May all go well as soon as possible after the end of January
Thanks! I have the utmost faith already in this doctor, and his office staff was incredibly helpful and patient with me when I spoke with them. And this was BEFORE I realized what a miraculous bit of luck I was having to even get an appointment with this astoundingly good surgeon!! I'm truly blessed! I don't look forward to the actual procedure, but I'll put on my big girl pants and forge ahead when that time comes.

WOWEE! Here I am writing about them and heard a buzz. They have sent me a text to my iPhone to remind me to add Jan. 31st to my calendar! AMAZING!! SOOOO BLESSED I AM!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :lol:
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
Glad your son has a dentist to save teeth, rather than pulling and eventually getting dentures
Well, yes, we've been to this dentist before when I was working and both son and I had SUPERB dental insurance. Now that I've retired, I no longer have that insurance and if we want this extremely skilled dentist, we have to pay. But son is also quite grateful to have a mother who foots the bill for him, both willingly and happily. I put my money where his mouth is, so to speak. :lol: Those teeth should serve him well long after I am gone. I love my son deeply and want the best for him!
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
You certainly have managed very well to put changes into a timeline
Thanks. I attribute most of it to my deliberate avoidance of MD. There is a very tiny voice deep inside that still longs for communication with MD, to share with each other our common familial history and memories, but I KNOW HER, and sadly, she is, and always will be, manipulative and mean - not just to me, but to everyone. She has always been like this, and I don't doubt for a minute that she will continue in that same vein. When this occurs and she lashes out at me and plays her nasty games, it makes me feel "less than" all over again, and I REALLY do NOT need that at this time (or ever, to be totally honest!). Avoidance seems to be working for me. I wish it could be different. Oh well. She is already 88 yrs. old, so it won't be an issue for much longer. How sad she has made both of our lives together, and so unnecessarily. :cry: But she's so consistently and deliberately toxic to me, and I'm on such a roll lately, that I dare NOT go running back to Mommy Dearest thinking that she'll somehow change and welcome me with open arms. I'm getting harder and harder to fool. Sad that...and the only one she is hurting is herself. She's shooting herself in her own foot! Oh bloody well. :|

On the much more positive side, MUCH is getting done and I couldn't be more pleased. Today is "Organize the Kitchen Day"! I've noticed that with clutter, if I don't get RID of this or that first, whether by donations or trash bin, I have little to no room for those items that I NEED to keep, and the whole cluttered up thing remains there, stagnant and blocking my way to progress further! It seems that I've known this before, but never really internalized it. I have internalized it now, separated the idea and concept from MD and her ways :idea: , and made it my OWN TRUTH! 8-)

And it's not a "do it and it's done forever" kind of thing; it's a "keep it up" on a daily basis kind of thing. Dishes still need doing, floor needs mopping, papers need to be off the floor, etc. My home is now FULL of large, lined trash cans (several of which will be placed outside in the yard permanently once the inside is done). They fill up each week and dear son empties them each Thursday night. We are digging OUT! Once inside is done and garden area is prepped for Spring, we will be well on our way to getting other projects ready to go! Very happy about that.

But it's still "Clean Out The Freezer Day" and "Finish the Mystery Boxes Day" so that we have room to put things that we use on a daily basis! I'm on Keto now, and although it has much to do with Low Carb, Atkins, and LCHF diets, I have LOTS of things in that freezer that need to go bye-bye! Ancient, rock-hard, low carb breads, even more ancient bagged veggies (I have more, trust me, that are fresh), freezer burned meats, and so on. My dogs should eat well. ;)

And then I'm turning to face the few remaining kitchen MYSTERY BOXES!! My MINIMUM goal for today (and I pray I'll surpass it) is to OPEN THEM UP and SEE what's inside those that remain! Most things are either donations or trash. SIMPLE! And very QUICK, too!! Also I'm starting on the family room (aka 'living room' or 'entertainment room' or w/e) to cut up HUGE cardboard boxes that have become a home for many spiders. (Look out webs! I am such a homewrecker!!) Well, too bad! OUT THEY GO! These are NOT black widows, but more like daddy long legs, and they don't scare me. I'm also sharing my bedroom with a couple of them, but they're going, too. They won't match my new furniture that's coming in! :lol:
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
May you get a lot of sleep so you awake refreshed in the morning
9-10 hours every night - sleep like a log!! Wake up happy. What more could I want? Are you getting enough sleep there?
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
Soxy's probably OK at cattery. He has been too much confined. Hopefully, he'll forgive the pillar to post type of moving this month
Frankly, I believe that he'll be so glad to see you that that will be all that matters! He'll settle in once you get him there I'm sure, once he considers it his home, and you have a LOT to do with that, just by being there and feeding and loving him as you always have.
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
Son and I were going to start our road trip but the weather put us off. I really didn't fancy driving in heavy rain - then thunderstorms
It sounds like you're almost ready to go. I hope all goes well for you. This is quite a big move and adjustment for both you and Soxy! Good of your son to drive you the distance.
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
I haven't driven regularly for about 10/11 years and a long time before that for a manual vehicle. I'm OK although not very confident - and I keep stalling the engine when at lights, which bothers me a lot
I used to be a licensed Driving Instructor for a driving school back in 1976. My specialty was teaching stick shift (manual shift) to those who had particular trouble with it. I've taught so many that I know, including all my children and even N in 2010. You know I would help you if I could. I'm also still licensed to drive tractor-trailers (big rigs) and of course, buses! ;)
Fleur wrote:
Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:01 am
How are your dogs?
OMG! I wrote you a whole thing on it, and the computer "hiccuped" and erased my entire answer! AARRGGHHH!! Let me see if I can remember what I had said.

All are fine and feisty, as they should be. Ms. T is improving with the premium dog food that she's getting, at least by gaining some weight. She was SO skinny, bones protruding beneath her fur. Now she looks MUCH better! I feed her one can of soft food OUTSIDE of the pen, separate from the other more aggressive dogs, and whatever Ms. T doesn't eat, I let skinny Dot eat, and then sleek Spot does the clean up. Butterbutt is sort of living up to her name since her surgery, and has gained a good bit of weight, from a mere 5 lbs. when she was so sick last May until her current thriving 8-10 lbs. She needs no enriched food, believe me! She still gets bones to chew on and the occasional doggie treat, as do the other dogs, in addition to the HUGE hopper of dry food and the 5 gallon water hopper set out for all of them inside the house in their pen. ("Pen" = an air conditioned indoor 6'x8' area with a gated fence and overhead fan in my family room, a HUGE $100.00 dog bed in the middle I believe a Great Dane could fit nicely into with ease, and a doggie door to access the back yard freely). But all are sassy and doing well. Thanks for asking after them... :lol: My Pampered Pups!!!

♥Cheers to you and your family (son and Soxy)!♥ Have a pleasant and enjoyable weekend getting settled into your lovely new home... :mrgreen:

Honeybera

Fleur
Member
Posts: 11358
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Location: Australia

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:46 am

Hello Honeybera


I agree with you that, sad as it is, your mother has chosen how she behaves, what she says. And that is negativity towards you that you really do not need the exposure

I'm pleased that you have found cousins whom to call family. As far as you share, they all seem much nicer, more positive, people for you (& son) to be around

Great that your dogs are well. Thanks for update

May your son truly look after himself, especially tending oral hygiene, so his teeth last a lifetime

Yes, I'd have liked another driver to help today. I successfully managed a handbrake start on a hill, then at the next set of lights, stalled the engine. Using gears and handbrake are a bit touch and go. Sometimes I get a lovely smooth ride, occasionally very rough

The handbrake has a button to push in, then a three part turning off. Just as I think I've got it, I can't push it in that last third

Son is scared of traffic. He's studying the learners book to get L's - but ( I have NOT reminded him) - he's done so at the end of the past 3 or 4 years after the academic year

Like you, I hold a heavy licence, but have not driven rigs for many years and only driven a bus twice. The campervan is a Toyota 5 speed, yet on the highway, fifth gear screamed, so I kept in 4th. The engine doesn't like 3rd gear most of the time, but I'm now thinking that is an idiosyncrasy of the gearbox rather than my driving style - which is pussyfoot, very gentle, despite the assaults of traffic

There was a driver in a black sleek car who tooted me at lights. When I later wanted to be in the right lane in order to turn at lights, the driver increased speed so it was hard to gauge margins. Thankfully, a red car driver courteously slowed to let me across. But then the wind caught the campervan and I veered between 2 lanes. Red car driver raced past, for which I cannot fault him. In his position, I wouldn't trust the van driver either

May you have fun sorting boxes, etc, to enable those possessions you want to be practically situated

Re sleeping - it is great to know you have 9 or so hours on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I don't have any pattern; sometimes just a few hours, sometimes up to bathroom several times overnight

May the transition for Soxy go as you suggest, thank you


Wishing you and your family a lovely, peaceful, weekend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
Member
Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Location: USA

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:29 am

Hey Fleur! :mrgreen: GREAT NEWS! I FINALLY GOT THE MYSTERY BOXES ALL LOOKED AT IN THE KITCHEN!!! And they are mostly (to all) FULL of JUNK!! Lots of spiders. Tons of dust and grit. But almost all JUNK in them! :lol: (And this is what I've been "storing" in my kitchen making it unable to be accessed by me?? :roll: )

And with dear son's help and strong back for lifting, I can now WALK THROUGH MY KITCHEN AGAIN!!! I have an island that I can walk around instead of only accessing it from one side! It is THE BOMB!! :lol: Oh, this is REAL progress! I also have nearly all the EMPTY boxes OUT of the family room as well, toted to the front room by me, and most of them cut up already. YAY!

Upon awakening this "morning" (noonish really :oops: ), I checked my iPhone and saw a message from N that he was on his way here. He's only about 3½ hours away from here currently, living in a rural commune of sorts, still dealing with his sex cult there. He looks good, albeit quite skinny, and he ended up taking ALL of his stuff with him that he had stored here smack dab in the middle of my front room while he got settled there (at the commune). I was thrilled about that!! NOW I can really finish up the front room, get new carpet installed (thanks to daughter's cats staining it permanently due to their uncleaned litter box ruining a large section of it in 2008 :x ), and open my door to guests comfortably and without shame!! I'm also getting closer to finishing in the kitchen and family room.

N's visit was disturbing though. He ABSOLUTELY INSISTED on getting me something for my birthday. I have been looking at lamps and found a table lamp in a Tiffany style in ivory and cobalt blue glass that I fancied, and although it was around a $200 lamp, he bought it for me. WOW! :? I told him that I had everything I need ATM, but merely showed him the lamp as to what I was looking at (when he insisted on me telling him what I was going to eventually do to my room), and although I said no, that it was "too much", he bought it anyway. I don't believe he can afford it, but he did it anyway. Probably why he's so deeply in debt that he had to 2nd mortgage his house. Although I appreciate his gift very much, I'm also uncomfortable with accepting such an expensive present. He seemed delighted that I'd "have something that reminded me of him" every time I looked at it. Trouble is, he is "here" for me already since he's done so much around my home. When he joined his cult, "seeing him" in all that he'd done for me made the loss of him so much more intense. But he's right. I will "think of him" each time I look at that lamp now. :cry:

How can such a kindness hurt me so badly?

======================================================= (The next day)

ALL the empty boxes have been moved from the family room to the front room now and a clean floor space is there instead, ready for ds to do the assembly of my shelves in the family room. Now it's time for my LEAST FAVORITE thing to do: SORT! And that includes COUNTING TAPES and DONATING CLOTHING from the piles of it that the myriad of people who have lived in my home before just left their things here, my daughter and N among the worst of them! All of it goes to donation. ALL OF IT! I already have big boxes filled with clothing and marked with "DONATE" on them. :mrgreen: One helluva lot of work, but SO WORTH IT! My home is bigger than I remembered!! :lol: Much more will be done today, too. I will be working on the "no longer a mystery boxes" in the kitchen. Most are quickies to do. :mrgreen:

And I need to vacuum my bedroom as a start to having my new furniture DELIVERED (FOR FREE! YAY!) and IN PLACE for my birthday! It's where that new lamp from N will go. <sigh> I guess it's fitting. And I will remember him always. Would have anyways...BUT it's time to rearrange my room (somewhat), and vacuuming is the first step. I think I will call and schedule it for my birthday. Happy Birthday to me!! :lol: Once it's here, I'll call for the glass tops (especially the nightstand, which has an inlay pattern in the wood on top). Really pretty, but SO needs protection so it stays nice!

The dogs are being fed their "special food" in the family room now (instead of my bedroom YAY!!), one dog at a time in this order of neediness: Ms. T, Spot, Dot, and Butterbutt (the only dog I have of normal weight and health as the "clean up" dog - she gets whatever is left and "licks the plate"). I buy cases of the really good quality "puppy" food and they scarf it down!! All are looking better now and gaining some much needed weight. But they are all failing somewhat from their glory days and are just getting old...sadly. :| But Ms.T breaks my heart on a daily basis: she is SO confused, often doesn't even recognize me, forgets where she's at and just stands and stares, or she paces constantly, staggering and shaky...it's so sad! Sometimes she goes out into the yard at night, gets totally confused and lost, and howls as loudly as she can...at 3 or 4 am! I'm sure the neighbors are just wild about that! :roll: So to avoid that, I feed them all nicely as late as possible (around 11pm or so), and with full tummies, they just lay down and sleep happily, but still have access to go outside to potty via the doggie door. It's been working so far. Dealing with Doggie Alzheimer's (CCD) is no picnic!

I've been doing really great on my diet, but I've been craving something "sweet" at nights, so I just made some low carb Vanilla Chia Seed Pudding, and is it ever GOOD! (Licked the spoon!) :P Really easy, really RICH! I saved it for breakfast, too. I've been doing a lot of recipes lately as well. If they taste as good as they look, I'm in ♥LOVE♥!! The Chia Seed Pudding tastes like my favorite tapioca pudding, same texture, too, when finished, because the seeds swell up like tapioca (which is high in carbs sadly). My kitchen is really coming around! It's set up for low carb/ketogenic - we use very different cooking and baking ingredients often, like chia seeds, almond milk, ground psyllium husks, and almond or coconut flours, coconut oil, xanthan gum, and so on. I can whip up just about anything, really. I even learned recently how to make a nice pan gravy with double cream and cream cheese.

I love this diet! I can have fabulously rich and tasty foods, reverse my diabetes, lose weight, improve my skin and hair (with all that ingested coconut oil, which I add to everything, even coffee! :lol: ), and clear the "brain fog" in my head. Once the boxed "mystery" junk is gone from the kitchen area and I have my dining table cleared of donations, I should be able to do a LOT MORE in there. I'll make a batch of muffins or brownies tomorrow and freeze them for later, especially on these late nights where I'm craving a little something sweet with a cuppa Camomile tea. I usually sweeten them with Erythritol or Stevia and use almond or coconut flour, plus some oat fiber, and then add flavorings (blueberry, strawberry, chocolate, orange, princess cake, lemon, red velvet...and on and on). I also have been making a delicious dip from melted cream cheese, heavy whipping cream, and coconut oil for my chicharrones (pork rinds) in either sweet or savory (maple-pecan, strawberry, chili-cheese, and even curry), and are they ever GOOD!! YUM! It satisfies an urge to "snack" and that hand-to-mouth motion. It's nearly zero carbs and I only have a small serving, but it IS satisfying, and I don't cheat. It just takes a little work. And the internet is FULL of recipes and videos! :mrgreen: But I am having a hard time finding chat rooms to talk about this WOE in. (Way Of Eating) Please forgive me for saying it all in here. It is a HUGE part of my healing up from the nightmare of MD and all of her shaming and abuse! I'm not having much luck finding a forum for keto/Atkins/cooking low carb, but I am trying to!

Oh my. It's LATE! Nighty night!

Honeybera

Fleur
Member
Posts: 11358
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Location: Australia

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Fri Nov 24, 2017 3:41 am

Hello Honeybera


You posted about 11:30am my time, so I'd guess it was close to midnight for your local time. May you have sweet dreams

Congratulations on having N collect his things, clearing, cleaning, donating, etc. Really great to read about cleared kitchen and furniture arriving soon

Reclaiming your space and then to make it presentable for guests is fantastic. I know it has been quite a haul to get things done, but seemingly the end if all the hard yards is in sight

Take very good care of you - may you and son enjoy a beautiful weekend. Great to know your dogs are doing well, apart from Mrs T - and you are looking after her best you can


Kind regards,
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

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